{"id":16272,"date":"2015-12-02T09:00:52","date_gmt":"2015-12-02T05:00:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/?p=16272"},"modified":"2015-12-02T10:02:24","modified_gmt":"2015-12-02T06:02:24","slug":"nigar-rust%c9%99mqizi-yuks%c9%99klik","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/?p=16272","title":{"rendered":"Nigar R\u00dcST\u018fMQIZI.”Y\u00fcks\u0259klik”"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"nr\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Y\u00fcks\u0259kliy\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131 b\u00f6y\u00fck fobiyam var…O qorxu ki, \u0259vv\u0259ll\u0259r m\u0259nd\u0259 olmay\u0131b. S\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn can\u0131 var. Ke\u00e7\u0259n yay bu qorxuya, h\u0259y\u0259cana r\u0259\u011fm\u0259n iki r\u0259fiq\u0259ml\u0259 D\u0259nizk\u0259nar\u0131 Parkda m\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn \u00e7ox y\u00fcks\u0259k atraksiyona mindik. R\u0259fiq\u0259l\u0259rimin yan\u0131mda olmas\u0131m\u0131, g\u0259nclik \u00e7\u0131l\u011f\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131, ya h\u0259r \u015fey bir q\u0131ra\u011fa, \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn adrenalin h\u0259v\u0259skar\u0131 olma\u011f\u0131mm\u0131 bu qorxuya \u00fcst\u00fcn g\u0259ldi…
\n\u0130lk d\u0259f\u0259 idi \u00f6z-\u00f6zl\u00fcy\u00fcmd\u0259 c\u0259h\u0259nn\u0259min u\u011fultusunu, \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn h\u0259nirtisini \u0259n yax\u0131n\u0131mda, qulaqlar\u0131mda e\u015fidirdim. Qorxudan g\u00f6zl\u0259rimi b\u0259rk-b\u0259rk s\u0131xm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m, yerim \u00e7ox narahat v\u0259 t\u0259hl\u00fck\u0259li idi. M\u0259n\u0259 el\u0259 g\u0259lirdi ki, b\u0259rkidici tutaca\u011fdan \u0259limi \u00e7\u0259ks\u0259m, h\u0259r tik\u0259m o m\u00f6hk\u0259m k\u00fcl\u0259kli yay g\u00fcn\u00fcnd\u0259, g\u00f6y\u00fcn yeddinci qat\u0131nda bir yana s\u0259pil\u0259c\u0259k. O atraksiyona m\u0259nim inad\u0131mla minmi\u015fdik, el\u0259 \u0259n \u00e7ox d\u0259h\u015f\u0259t i\u00e7ind\u0259 olan da m\u0259n idim, dey\u0259s\u0259n. R\u0259fiq\u0259m d\u0259f\u0259l\u0259rl\u0259 demi\u015fdi ki, ist\u0259mir\u0259m, \u00e7ox h\u0259y\u0259canlananda \u00fcr\u0259yim narahat olur. Yax\u015f\u0131 bilirdim bunu…N\u0259ys\u0259 ki, birt\u0259h\u0259r yola g\u0259tirmi\u015fdim. El\u0259 ona g\u00f6r\u0259ydi ki, b\u00fct\u00fcn fikrim ondayd\u0131.
\nAd\u0131n\u0131 b\u0259rkd\u0259n ba\u011f\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131m yad\u0131ma g\u0259lir: \u201cQorxma, qorxma, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr\u00fck…dayan\u0131r…\u201d M\u0259n ba\u011f\u0131randa n\u0259d\u0259ns\u0259 onun s\u0259si \u00e7\u0131xm\u0131rd\u0131…H\u0259l\u0259 y\u00fcks\u0259klik qorxusu can\u0131ma yer el\u0259m\u0259mi\u015f \u201cona n\u0259s\u0259 oldu\u201d qorxusu b\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc m\u0259ni. M\u0259n \u201cdayan\u0131r…\u201d dedikc\u0259 o h\u0259nirti oturaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131zla birg\u0259 daha da qalx\u0131rd\u0131 el\u0259 bil. Yen\u0259 s\u0259si g\u0259lmirdi…Bu d\u0259f\u0259 q\u0259til\u0259\u015fdirdim ki, n\u0259 olsa da \u0259limi \u00e7\u0259k\u0259c\u0259m oturacaqdan, g\u00f6zl\u0259rimi d\u0259 a\u00e7acam. G\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc a\u00e7anda onun da tutacaqdan b\u0259rk tutdu\u011funu g\u00f6r\u00fcb xeyli rahatlad\u0131m. Aram\u0131zda s\u0259dd oldu\u011funa g\u00f6r\u0259 \u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc \u00e7\u0259tinlikl\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fcrd\u00fcm. \u0259limi burax\u0131b \u0259lind\u0259n tutdum, eyni s\u00f6zl\u0259ri dey\u0259-dey\u0259 be\u015finci d\u0259qiq\u0259nin tamam\u0131nda bu c\u0259h\u0259nn\u0259min u\u011fultusu bird\u0259f\u0259lik k\u0259sildi. Art\u0131q yerd\u0259ydik. Ill\u0259rl\u0259 \u0259sirlikd\u0259, s\u00fcrg\u00fcnd\u0259 \u0259sir-yesir olmu\u015f hal\u0131ndayd\u0131m. O biri r\u0259fiq\u0259m m\u0259nd\u0259n bir az uzaqda oturdu\u011funa, \u0259vv\u0259ld\u0259n qorxmad\u0131\u011f\u0131na, bu da \u00fcz\u00fcnd\u0259 \u0259ks olundu\u011funa g\u00f6r\u0259 ani ona bax\u0131b s\u0259si \u00e7\u0131xmayan r\u0259fiq\u0259m\u0259 donuxub bax\u0131rd\u0131m. M\u0259lum oldu ki, g\u00fccl\u00fc k\u00fcl\u0259k n\u0259f\u0259sin\u0259 dolmas\u0131n dey\u0259 dan\u0131\u015fm\u0131rm\u0131\u015f. \u201cYen\u0259 min\u0259k\u201d dey\u0259nd\u0259 ba\u015fa d\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcm ki, bu y\u00fcks\u0259klik qorxusunu \u00fcst\u0259l\u0259y\u0259n qorxum bo\u015f yer\u0259ymi\u015f…
\nS\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn yen\u0259 can\u0131 var. H\u0259r zaman itirm\u0259kd\u0259n qorxmu\u015fam. A\u011fl\u0131m k\u0259s\u0259nd\u0259n d\u0259y\u0259r verdiyim h\u0259r \u015fey v\u0259 h\u0259r k\u0259si el\u0259 \u201ch\u0259r \u015feyim\u201d bilmi\u015f\u0259m. M\u0259nc\u0259, h\u0259yatda h\u0259r g\u00f6z\u0259l \u015feyin t\u0259m\u0259lind\u0259 dostluq, yolda\u015fl\u0131q, h\u00f6rm\u0259t v\u0259 anlay\u0131\u015f dayan\u0131r. Bunlar var, s\u0259daq\u0259t yoxdursa… O zaman h\u0259r \u015fey s\u0131f\u0131rlan\u0131r…S\u0259daq\u0259t h\u0259r \u015feyd\u0259n \u00f6n\u0259mlidir…
\nS.Sarvan deyir:<\/p>\n

\u018fh, birin bilirs\u0259n, s\u0259n d\u0259 birin yox,
\ndaha y\u0131x\u0131l\u0131ram he\u00e7 x\u0259b\u0259rin yox.
\nG\u00f6rd\u00fcm ki, tutma\u011fa \u00f6zg\u0259 yerim yox,
\ntutdum y\u0131x\u0131lma\u011fa qorxdu\u011fum yerd\u0259n…<\/p>\n

Y\u0131x\u0131lma\u011fa qorxdu\u011fum yerl\u0259rd\u0259n y\u0131x\u0131ld\u0131m…G\u00f6rd\u00fcm tutma\u011fa yerim d\u0259 yoxdur…tutma\u011fa yerim yoxdursa, y\u0131x\u0131lma\u011fa qorxdu\u011fum yerl\u0259r d\u0259 qalmay\u0131b dem\u0259k. Art\u0131q y\u00fcks\u0259klikd\u0259n qorxmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 da hiss el\u0259yir\u0259m. \u018fslind\u0259, insan\u0131n y\u0131x\u0131lma\u011f\u0131 normald\u0131, anormal olan \u0259traf\u0131ndak\u0131lar\u0131n, yax\u0131nlar\u0131n\u0131n m\u00fcnasib\u0259tidi. Y\u0131xan da el\u0259 budu. Bundan bel\u0259 dost t\u0259r\u0259find\u0259n y\u0131x\u0131lsam n\u0259 ki, ayaqlar\u0131m\u0131 k\u0259ss\u0259l\u0259r t\u0259\u0259cc\u00fcbl\u0259nm\u0259r\u0259m, y\u0131x\u0131lmaram. H\u0259mi\u015f\u0259kind\u0259n daha soyuqqanl\u0131, daha q\u0259ddar olmu\u015fam, sanki. H\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 deyir\u0259m ki, h\u0259yat\u0131mdan, ya\u015fad\u0131qlar\u0131mdan bir roman yazacam. Bestseller olacaq bir roman…H\u0259r k\u0259s \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn ibr\u0259t olsun. Kims\u0259 \u00e7\u0259km\u0259sin \u00e7\u0259kdikl\u0259rimi. B\u0259lk\u0259, el\u0259 bir roman yaza bilm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259m he\u00e7 vaxt, b\u0259lk\u0259 he\u00e7 bestseller d\u0259 olmayacaq, amma, bir ne\u00e7\u0259 insan\u0131n h\u0259yat\u0131n\u0131 bataql\u0131qdan qurtarmaq m\u0259n\u0259 n\u0259sib olacaqsa o zaman \u201ch\u0259r\u015feyim\u201di yenid\u0259n qazanacam. V\u0259 \u0259n y\u00fcks\u0259kl\u0259rd\u0259 hiss el\u0259y\u0259c\u0259m \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc, bundan da q\u00fcrur duyacam. \u018fslin\u0259 qalanda m\u0259n h\u0259yatda tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m adamlar\u0131, \u015fahidi oldu\u011fum hadis\u0259l\u0259ri bir daha kitab s\u0259hif\u0259l\u0259rind\u0259n oxumaq ist\u0259m\u0259zdim. V\u0259ziyy\u0259t o yerd\u0259di ki, t\u0259la\u015f \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnd\u0259 olmaq yerin\u0259 q\u0259rib\u0259 bir sakitlik i\u00e7ind\u0259y\u0259m. Bu boyda da yan\u0131lmaq olar? El\u0259 bil ill\u0259rdi birg\u0259 ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n, h\u0259yat\u0131n\u0131, \u00f6mr\u00fcn\u00fc-g\u00fcn\u00fcn\u00fc birg\u0259 ke\u00e7irdiyin v\u0259 h\u0259r \u015feyin \u0259la oldu\u011fu bir d\u00f6n\u0259md\u0259 h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131n s\u0259n\u0259 deyir ki, ham\u0131s\u0131 yalan idi, he\u00e7 sevm\u0259mi\u015f\u0259m s\u0259ni. Absurt bir \u015feydi, deyilmi? Bel\u0259 absurtlar\u0131n i\u00e7ind\u0259 d\u0259 sakit\u0259m. El\u0259 bil yuxudak\u0131 kimi q\u0131\u015fq\u0131rmaq ist\u0259yir\u0259m, s\u0259sim \u00e7\u0131xm\u0131r. B\u0259lk\u0259, buna g\u00f6r\u0259 d\u0259 sakit g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr\u0259m. Susduqlar\u0131m\u0131 e\u015fitsinl\u0259r daha… H\u0259r \u015feyi ba\u011f\u0131\u015flamaq h\u0259r \u015feyi anlamaq dem\u0259kdir – romal\u0131lar bel\u0259 deyir. Anlamaq v\u0259 ba\u011f\u0131\u015flamaq y\u0259qin ki, t\u0259k m\u0259nim aln\u0131ma yaz\u0131lmay\u0131b. Bir az da ba\u015fqalar\u0131 anlas\u0131n art\u0131q. Susduqlar\u0131m\u0131 taps\u0131nlar, tap\u0131b yan-yana d\u00fczs\u00fcnl\u0259r, r\u0259ngb\u0259r\u0259ng bir t\u0259sbeh d\u00fcz\u0259ltsinl\u0259r. Ya da \u015feytan yell\u0259nc\u0259yi qursunlar. Qalxaq-d\u00fc\u015f\u0259k, d\u00fc\u015f\u0259k-qalxaq… Qalxanda g\u00f6r\u0259k v\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u0259nd\u0259 susaq…
\n\u201c\u00d6z\u00fcn\u0259 qay\u0131d\u0131r h\u0259r \u015fey, \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259\u201d – deyir Ramiz R\u00f6v\u015f\u0259n. M\u0259n d\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 qay\u0131tm\u0131\u015fam, n\u0259hay\u0259t ki…Amma bilin ki, qay\u0131tmaq ist\u0259diyimiz o yerd\u0259 bizim qoyub getdikl\u0259rimiz qalm\u0131r. K\u00fcr\u00fcn ax\u0131b ged\u0259n sular\u0131 kimi adamlar da d\u0259yi\u015fir. V\u0259 \u0259sl h\u0259qiq\u0259t b\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259 budur ki, he\u00e7 bir yerd\u0259 he\u00e7 kim he\u00e7 kimi g\u00f6zl\u0259mir…<\/p>\n

Nigar R\u00dcST\u018fMQIZI,
\nAz\u0259rbaycan\u0131n M\u0259d\u0259niyy\u0259t v\u0259 \u018fd\u0259biyyat Portal\u0131<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Y\u00fcks\u0259kliy\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131 b\u00f6y\u00fck fobiyam var…O qorxu ki, \u0259vv\u0259ll\u0259r m\u0259nd\u0259 olmay\u0131b. S\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn can\u0131 var. Ke\u00e7\u0259n yay bu qorxuya, h\u0259y\u0259cana r\u0259\u011fm\u0259n iki r\u0259fiq\u0259ml\u0259 D\u0259nizk\u0259nar\u0131 Parkda m\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn \u00e7ox y\u00fcks\u0259k atraksiyona mindik. R\u0259fiq\u0259l\u0259rimin yan\u0131mda olmas\u0131m\u0131, g\u0259nclik \u00e7\u0131l\u011f\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131, ya h\u0259r \u015fey bir q\u0131ra\u011fa, \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn adrenalin h\u0259v\u0259skar\u0131 olma\u011f\u0131mm\u0131 bu qorxuya \u00fcst\u00fcn g\u0259ldi… \u0130lk d\u0259f\u0259 idi \u00f6z-\u00f6zl\u00fcy\u00fcmd\u0259 c\u0259h\u0259nn\u0259min u\u011fultusunu, \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn h\u0259nirtisini […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16272","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-pub"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16272","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=16272"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16272\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":16274,"href":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16272\/revisions\/16274"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=16272"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=16272"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=16272"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}