{"id":40338,"date":"2022-01-18T07:00:00","date_gmt":"2022-01-18T03:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/?p=40338"},"modified":"2022-01-18T07:53:09","modified_gmt":"2022-01-18T03:53:09","slug":"m%c9%99nim-s%c9%99ad%c9%99tim-s%c9%99fa-v%c9%99li-yazir","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/?p=40338","title":{"rendered":"M\u0259nim s\u0259ad\u0259tim –\u00a0\u015e\u0259fa V\u0259li yaz\u0131r"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Qap\u0131lar\u0131n a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 b\u00fct\u00fcn otaqlar insan\u0131n \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 tikdiyi zindand\u0131r…  Bu qap\u0131lar\u0131n \u00fczb\u0259\u00fcz\u00fcnd\u0259 p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259l\u0259r varsa, zindan daha bet\u0259r olur. “Qap\u0131s\u0131z-p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259siz otaqm\u0131 olar?” – dem\u0259yin… Otaqlar\u0131 sevm\u0259yin… Ya da el\u0259 sevin ki, onun \u00fcz\u00fcn\u0259 qap\u0131n\u0131, p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259ni ba\u011flamay\u0131n; qoyun i\u00e7in\u0259 \u00e7\u0259ksin d\u00fcnyan\u0131… Yaln\u0131z o zaman o otaqlar sizin d\u00fcnyan\u0131z olar… O d\u00fcnyan\u0131z\u0131n i\u00e7ind\u0259 d\u0259 he\u00e7 vaxt diliniz\u0259 “t\u0259nhayam” s\u00f6z\u00fc g\u0259lm\u0259z… <\/strong><\/ins><\/ins><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130ll\u0259r \u00f6nc\u0259 bir hekay\u0259 yazm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m – “Q\u00fctb adam\u0131”… H\u0259l\u0259 \u00fcz\u0259 \u00e7\u0131xarmam\u0131\u015fam onu. Bizim \u0259traf\u0131nda f\u0131rland\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zd\u0131 q\u00fctb\u00fcm\u00fcz, ya sevgiyl\u0259, ya m\u0259cbur\u0259n… N\u0259 f\u0259rqi var ki?  Ham\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n i\u00e7ind\u0259 bir f\u0131rlanma arzusu, ham\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n h\u0259yat\u0131nda bir “q\u00fctb adam\u0131” var. M\u00fctl\u0259q var! T\u0259kba\u015f\u0131na dizimizi qucaqlay\u0131b oturdu\u011fumuz otaqda da o “q\u00fctb adam\u0131” biziml\u0259dir. “Yan\u0131m\u0131zda” olmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn n\u0259inki ota\u011f\u0131n, he\u00e7 \u00f6mr\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fcn d\u0259 qap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131-p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259sini eynin\u0259 alm\u0131r… <\/p>\n\n\n\n

…Bir d\u0259 s\u0259ad\u0259timiz var… \u00d6l\u00e7\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcz t\u0259yin etdiyimiz, laz\u0131m bildikd\u0259, q\u0131raq-buca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 yey\u0259l\u0259yib hamarlama\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z, ist\u0259diyimiz donu geyindirdiyimiz, “Tanr\u0131 \u0259rm\u0259\u011fan\u0131” des\u0259k d\u0259, \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fcn uydurdu\u011fumuz s\u0259ad\u0259timiz… H\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 ovcumuzun i\u00e7ind\u0259di o, ist\u0259diyimizd\u0259 yox saya bilirik, ist\u0259diyimizd\u0259 h\u0259yat\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n ba\u015f k\u00f6\u015f\u0259sind\u0259 q\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131dan taxt d\u00fcz\u0259ldib oturduruq… Amma “t\u0259nha” otaqlara he\u00e7 vaxt onu \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fczl\u0259 “aparm\u0131r\u0131q”, qoyuruq qap\u0131n\u0131n e\u015fiyind\u0259… Qap\u0131 m\u0259hz bunun \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn laz\u0131md\u0131 biz\u0259… <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Amma bu g\u00fcn \u00e7\u0259r\u00e7iv\u0259l\u0259diyim s\u0259ad\u0259timd\u0259n yox, h\u0259yat\u0131ma \u0259lvan bir bahar k\u00fcl\u0259yil\u0259 daxil olmu\u015f S\u0259ad\u0259timd\u0259n dan\u0131\u015fmaq ist\u0259yir\u0259m. Onunla ba\u011fl\u0131 b\u00fct\u00fcn xatir\u0259l\u0259rimi b\u00fck\u00fcb qoyuram bir t\u0259r\u0259f\u0259, bitm\u0259k bilm\u0259y\u0259n saatlarla d\u0259rdl\u0259\u015fdiyimiz ill\u0259ri d\u0259 \u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcr\u0259m d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259md\u0259n… Axtar\u0131b tap\u0131ram \u015feirl\u0259rind\u0259n, oxuyuram… Oxuyuram… <\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Tanr\u0131 sevgisind\u0259n libas geymi\u015f\u0259m” – deyir bir \u015feirind\u0259… Do\u011fru deyir… O, bunu daxilind\u0259 hiss edir, m\u0259n ill\u0259rdi zahird\u0259n m\u00fc\u015fahid\u0259 edir\u0259m. 
Q\u0131\u015f\u0131n bu \u00e7a\u011f\u0131nda “Yaz na\u011f\u0131l\u0131”n\u0131 oxuyuram… “G\u00fcn\u0259\u015f buludlarda alovlanard\u0131” misras\u0131na b\u00fck\u00fcr\u0259m q\u0131\u015f hikk\u0259mi… Bu g\u00fcn q\u0131\u015fa \u00f6gey\u0259m. Amma onu da bilir\u0259m ki, yaz\u0131n  \u0259lvan na\u011f\u0131l\u0131n\u0131n fon r\u0259ngidi q\u0131\u015f\u0131n b\u0259yazl\u0131\u011f\u0131. Bilir\u0259m, yen\u0259 q\u0131\u015fdan k\u00fcs\u00fcr\u0259m. Yen\u0259 yaza t\u0259l\u0259sir\u0259m… <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yolumu k\u0259s\u0259n “k\u0259d\u0259rin udum-udum udmas\u0131d\u0131r” m\u0259ni… Bu da S\u0259ad\u0259t xan\u0131m\u0131n misras\u0131d\u0131r, \u0259hval\u0131m\u0131 anlatmaq\u00e7\u00fcn “m\u0259nims\u0259yir\u0259m”… Sonra da “x\u0259yal\u0131n k\u00f6z\u0259r\u0259n umudlar\u0131yla”  unudulmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 umuram.  Unuduldu\u011fumda “ya\u015f\u0131l xatir\u0259l\u0259rin” daha \u00e7ox \u00fczd\u00fcy\u00fcn\u00fc d\u0259 oxuyuram S\u0259ad\u0259timin \u015feirind\u0259…  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130\u00e7imd\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fcy\u0259n “ah”lar\u0131 yen\u0259 “yaz na\u011f\u0131l\u0131”na saxlay\u0131ram. Taleyin bir g\u00fcn\u00fc S\u0259ad\u0259t xan\u0131m \u00fcz\u00fc X\u0259z\u0259r\u0259 dayan\u0131b “Yen\u0259 d\u0259 d\u0259niz\u0259 t\u00f6k\u00fcl\u0259r ah\u0131m” dediyind\u0259, yan\u0131nda olmaq, “ah”\u0131m\u0131 “ah”\u0131na qatmaq niyy\u0259tind\u0259y\u0259m… Q\u0259fild\u0259n a\u011fl\u0131ma g\u0259l\u0259n fikir d\u0259 “a\u011f\u0131ll\u0131” say\u0131lmaz; g\u00f6r\u0259s\u0259n, bu niyy\u0259tim q\u0131\u015fdan \u00e7\u0131xacaqm\u0131? \u00c7iynimi \u00e7\u0259kir\u0259m ixtiyars\u0131z… <\/p>\n\n\n\n

“G\u00fcl\u00fcm, k\u00f6nl\u00fcm\u00fcz\u0259 doldu soyuqluq, El\u0259 bil qar d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcb g\u00fcll\u0259rin \u00fcst\u0259” – des\u0259 d\u0259, S\u0259ad\u0259t xan\u0131m, bizim t\u0259r\u0259fl\u0259rd\u0259 qar h\u0259l\u0259 cilv\u0259l\u0259nm\u0259yib… Soyuqluqmu? Dolu n\u0259di, da\u015f\u0131r… Boz r\u0259ngi sevm\u0259yim\u0259 baxmayaraq, ruhumdak\u0131 bozlu\u011fu “soyunmaq” \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn yaz\u0131ya cummazd\u0131m yoxsa.  Bel\u0259 anlar\u0131mda S\u0259ad\u0259t xan\u0131mdan e\u015fitdiyim bir s\u00f6z vard\u0131 h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259: “D\u0259rdi d\u0259 d\u0259rd etm\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259, g\u00fcl\u00fcm…”  Bu d\u0259f\u0259 is\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fc uzaqdad\u0131, amma m\u0259n\u0259 xitab\u0259n yaz\u0131lan bir misra tapm\u0131\u015fam “D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259” \u015feirind\u0259: “A g\u00fcl\u00fcm, a\u011flama t\u0259bi\u0259t kimi…” <\/p>\n\n\n\n

…”Lal\u0259li sevgil\u0259rin Duy\u011fusu yaman k\u00fcsk\u00fcn” olur, bunu lal\u0259y\u0259 olan heyranl\u0131\u011f\u0131mdan bilir\u0259m. Amma “z\u00fcmr\u00fcd g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f\u00fc sol\u011fun  torpa\u011f\u0131n zamana k\u00fcsk\u00fcnl\u00fcy\u00fc”n\u00fc daha d\u0259rind\u0259n anlamaq ist\u0259yir\u0259m. Bunun \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn hans\u0131sa ilin hans\u0131sa ay\u0131nda, qar\u0131\u015f\u0131q \u0259hvall\u0131 bir g\u00fcnd\u0259 S\u0259ad\u0259timl\u0259 \u00fcz-\u00fcz\u0259 oturub \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc s\u00f6z\u0259 t\u0259slim etm\u0259liy\u0259m… S\u00f6z\u0259 olan sevgim\u0259 xilaskar kimi sar\u0131lmaq \u015fahmat oyununda “pat” olmaq kimidir. Bunu qula\u011f\u0131ma p\u0131\u00e7\u0131ldayan s\u0259s \u00fcr\u0259yimim i\u00e7ind\u0259dimi, yoxsa ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnd\u0259? Bilmir\u0259m… Duy\u011fular\u0131m\u0131 yollara salmaq ist\u0259mir\u0259m. “Sevgi, sevgi!” ba\u011f\u0131ran iblisl\u0259r yola \u00e7\u0131x\u0131r” \u00e7\u00fcnki…  \u018fb\u0259s yer\u0259 “sevgini talenin b\u0259n\u00f6v\u015f\u0259 g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f\u00fc” saym\u0131r S\u0259ad\u0259t xan\u0131m. He\u00e7 boynunu \u0259ym\u0259y\u0259n, \u0259z\u0259m\u0259tli b\u0259n\u00f6v\u015f\u0259 g\u00f6rm\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fcz? Bir r\u00fczgarl\u0131q \u00f6mr\u00fcn\u00fc m\u0259\u011flub olaraq ya\u015fay\u0131r b\u0259n\u00f6v\u015f\u0259l\u0259r… Sonra da k\u00f6\u00e7\u00fcb gedirl\u0259r… S\u0259ad\u0259t xan\u0131m demi\u015f, “k\u00f6\u00e7\u00fcb ged\u0259nl\u0259r Anlatm\u0131r a\u011f na\u011f\u0131l\u0131…”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

…Telefonuma g\u0259l\u0259n z\u0259ngl\u0259 b\u00f6l\u00fcn\u00fcr d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259l\u0259rim. Anamd\u0131…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– Alo? Neynirs\u0259n? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

– Anam m\u0259nim… Yaz\u0131 yaz\u0131ram S\u0259ad\u0259t \u018fl\u0259kb\u0259rovadan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– H\u0259… S\u0259nin S\u0259ad\u0259tind\u0259n? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

– H\u0259… M\u0259nim S\u0259ad\u0259timd\u0259n.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– Q\u0259zetd\u0259n oxuyaram… <\/p>\n\n\n\n

– … 
 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

M\u0259nb\u0259: 525.az <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Qap\u0131lar\u0131n a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 b\u00fct\u00fcn otaqlar insan\u0131n \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 tikdiyi zindand\u0131r…  Bu qap\u0131lar\u0131n \u00fczb\u0259\u00fcz\u00fcnd\u0259 p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259l\u0259r varsa, zindan daha bet\u0259r olur. “Qap\u0131s\u0131z-p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259siz otaqm\u0131 olar?” – dem\u0259yin… Otaqlar\u0131 sevm\u0259yin… Ya da el\u0259 sevin ki, onun \u00fcz\u00fcn\u0259 qap\u0131n\u0131, p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259ni ba\u011flamay\u0131n; qoyun i\u00e7in\u0259 \u00e7\u0259ksin d\u00fcnyan\u0131… Yaln\u0131z o zaman o otaqlar sizin d\u00fcnyan\u0131z olar… O d\u00fcnyan\u0131z\u0131n i\u00e7ind\u0259 d\u0259 he\u00e7 vaxt diliniz\u0259 “t\u0259nhayam” s\u00f6z\u00fc […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-40338","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-pub"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40338","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=40338"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40338\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40340,"href":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40338\/revisions\/40340"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=40338"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=40338"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=40338"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}