{"id":26900,"date":"2018-04-20T09:00:11","date_gmt":"2018-04-20T05:00:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/?p=26900"},"modified":"2018-04-20T10:57:58","modified_gmt":"2018-04-20T06:57:58","slug":"ilah%c9%99-imanova-elci-zanbaqlar-povestind%c9%99n-bir-nec%c9%99-s%c9%99hif%c9%99","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/?p=26900","title":{"rendered":"\u0130lah\u0259 \u0130MANOVA.”El\u00e7i zanbaqlar” (Povestind\u0259n bir ne\u00e7\u0259 s\u0259hif\u0259)"},"content":{"rendered":"

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N\u0259d\u0259ns\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 el\u0259 g\u0259lir ki, s\u0259h\u0259rl\u0259r d\u0259nizin r\u0259ngi kimi qoxusu da f\u0259rqli olur. Bu qoxunu i\u00e7im\u0259 \u00e7\u0259km\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn s\u0259h\u0259rl\u0259r d\u0259niz k\u0259nar\u0131nda bir q\u0259d\u0259r g\u0259zi\u015fm\u0259k ad\u0259t hal\u0131n\u0131 al\u0131b. D\u0259nizin \u0259trini i\u00e7im\u0259 \u00e7\u0259km\u0259d\u0259n, onunla bir q\u0259d\u0259r d\u0259rdl\u0259\u015fm\u0259d\u0259n yeni g\u00fcn\u0259 ba\u015flaya bilmir\u0259m. D\u0259niz m\u0259nim sirda\u015f\u0131md\u0131r. O h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 m\u0259ni s\u00fckutla dinl\u0259r, he\u00e7 vaxt irad tutmaz, q\u0131namaz. L\u0259p\u0259d\u00f6y\u0259ni izl\u0259dikc\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr\u0259m ki, d\u0259niz \u00f6z q\u0259z\u0259bini, hidd\u0259tini t\u0259lat\u00fcml\u00fc dal\u011falar\u0131 il\u0259 bildirir. El\u0259 buna g\u00f6r\u0259 d\u0259 \u00e7ox zaman k\u00fcl\u0259kli, \u00e7iskinli havalarda onunla d\u0259rdl\u0259\u015fm\u0259y\u0259 g\u0259lir\u0259m. El\u0259 bu g\u00fcn oldu\u011fu kimi.
\nB\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259 pay\u0131zda do\u011fuldu\u011fum \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnd\u00fcr ki, dumanl\u0131 \u00e7iskinli havan\u0131, nar\u0131n, h\u0259tta leysan ya\u011f\u0131\u015flar\u0131 bel\u0259 sevir\u0259m. G\u00f6z ox\u015fad\u0131qca uzanan d\u0259niz, s\u0259ma, h\u0259tta el\u0259 \u015f\u0259h\u0259rin \u00f6z\u00fc d\u0259 bu g\u00fcn bomboz idi. Hava a\u00e7\u0131lana, g\u00fcn \u00e7\u0131xana ox\u015fam\u0131rd\u0131 he\u00e7 dey\u0259s\u0259n. Olsun! Bel\u0259 daha g\u00f6z\u0259ldir.
\nS\u0259h\u0259rin s\u0259rin x\u0259fif mehi \u00fc\u015f\u00fcd\u00fcrd\u00fc m\u0259ni, yoxsa ki i\u00e7imd\u0259ki narahatl\u0131qlar, t\u0259lat\u00fcml\u0259r, bilmir\u0259m. B\u00fct\u00fcn d\u00fcnyaya \u00fcsyan etm\u0259k ist\u0259yim \u015fah\u0259 qalxan dal\u011falara b\u0259nz\u0259yirdi. \u018ftraf\u0131mdak\u0131 insanlar\u0131n riyakarl\u0131\u011f\u0131, qeyri-s\u0259mimi m\u00fcnasib\u0259tl\u0259r, saxta t\u0259b\u0259ss\u00fcml\u0259rin arxas\u0131nda gizl\u0259tmi\u015f olduqlar\u0131 \u0259sl simalar\u0131 m\u0259nd\u0259 o q\u0259d\u0259r ikrah hissi yarad\u0131rd\u0131 ki, h\u0259r k\u0259sd\u0259n uzaqla\u015fmaq, d\u0259nizin sular\u0131nda q\u0259rq olmaq ist\u0259yi ke\u00e7irdi i\u00e7imd\u0259n b\u0259z\u0259n. Yaln\u0131z do\u011fan g\u00fcn\u0259\u015fi, sakitl\u0259\u015f\u0259n d\u0259nizi seyr ed\u0259nd\u0259 b\u00fct\u00fcn probleml\u0259rin d\u0259 yax\u0131nda h\u0259ll olunaca\u011f\u0131na \u0259minlik hissim art\u0131rd\u0131. \u00d6z\u00fcm\u00fc d\u0259nizin bir par\u00e7as\u0131, b\u0259z\u0259n d\u0259 el\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fc hiss edirdim.
\n\u2500Af\u0259t!
\nAd\u0131m\u0131n \u00e7\u0259kildiyini z\u0259nn edib arxaya \u00e7evrildim. Yax\u0131nl\u0131qda he\u00e7 k\u0259s g\u00f6z\u0259 d\u0259ymirdi. Bu saatda, \u00f6z\u00fc d\u0259 bel\u0259 bir ya\u011f\u0131\u015fl\u0131, k\u00fcl\u0259kli havada d\u0259nizk\u0259nar\u0131nda he\u00e7 k\u0259s g\u0259zib dolanmazd\u0131. K\u00fcl\u0259yin u\u011fultusunda, d\u0259nizin s\u0259sind\u0259 bel\u0259 \u00f6z ad\u0131m\u0131 e\u015fitm\u0259k ist\u0259yi idi i\u00e7imd\u0259 b\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259.
\nDeyirl\u0259r ki, k\u00f6rp\u0259likd\u0259 veril\u0259n ad insan\u0131n taleyin\u0259, xarakterin\u0259 d\u0259 t\u0259sir edir. M\u0259n d\u0259 b\u0259z\u0259n d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrd\u00fcm ki, ad\u0131m ba\u015fqa olsa, b\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259 h\u0259yat\u0131mda h\u0259r \u015fey f\u0259rqli olard\u0131. Kimil\u0259ri \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn q\u0131sqancl\u0131q v\u0259 h\u0259s\u0259dl\u0259 s\u00fczd\u00fckl\u0259ri biri, kimil\u0259ri \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn is\u0259, s\u00f6z\u00fcn \u0259sl m\u0259nas\u0131nda, ba\u015f b\u0259las\u0131 idim. \u018fslind\u0259 is\u0259, g\u00f6z ya\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 ya\u011fan ya\u011f\u0131\u015fda gizl\u0259tm\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan k\u00f6vr\u0259k, h\u0259ssas bir q\u0259lb sahibi idim. S\u0259rt t\u0259bi\u0259tin arxas\u0131nda gizl\u0259nmi\u015f, inc\u0259 hissl\u0259rl\u0259 dolu olan z\u0259rif q\u0259lbi is\u0259 h\u0259r k\u0259s g\u00f6rm\u0259y\u0259 qadir deyildi.
\nD\u0259nizin qoxusunu i\u00e7im\u0259 \u00e7\u0259kib sahill\u0259 ax\u015famad\u0259k vidala\u015fd\u0131m. H\u0259r g\u00fcn t\u0259krarlanan yekn\u0259s\u0259k h\u0259yata qay\u0131tmaq zaman\u0131 idi. R\u0259hb\u0259rlik etdiyim b\u00f6y\u00fck \u015firk\u0259tin h\u0259r d\u0259qiq\u0259 \u00fczl\u0259\u015fdiyi s\u0131x\u0131nt\u0131l\u0131 durumlar, g\u00fcnd\u0259lik qay\u011f\u0131lar i\u015fl\u0259r\u0259 daha m\u0259suliyy\u0259tli olma\u011f\u0131m\u0131 t\u0259l\u0259b edirdi. H\u0259yat\u0131mdak\u0131 bo\u015flu\u011fu i\u015f\u0259 olan sevgim doldurmu\u015fdu. H\u0259r bir u\u011furlu layih\u0259 h\u0259yat\u0131ma yeni bir r\u0259ng qat\u0131rd\u0131. Amma zaman-zaman i\u015fl\u0259rd\u0259n d\u0259 yorulub m\u0259zuniyy\u0259t g\u00f6t\u00fcrm\u0259k, da\u011flar aras\u0131nda, d\u0259niz q\u0131ra\u011f\u0131nda, yaxud da me\u015f\u0259nin i\u00e7ind\u0259 ki\u00e7ik bir ev kiray\u0259l\u0259m\u0259k, \u015f\u0259h\u0259rin s\u0259s-k\u00fcy\u00fcnd\u0259n uzaq, h\u00fczur dolu bir h\u0259yat ya\u015famaq ist\u0259yirdim.
\nKabinetimd\u0259 g\u00fcl-\u00e7i\u00e7\u0259k buketl\u0259ri g\u00f6rm\u0259k m\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn adi hala \u00e7evrilmi\u015fdi. Bu s\u0259h\u0259r d\u0259 ota\u011fa daxil olanda t\u0259\u0259cc\u00fcbl\u0259nm\u0259dim he\u00e7. \u018fm\u0259kda\u015fl\u0131q etdiyimiz \u015firk\u0259tl\u0259rin r\u0259hb\u0259rliyind\u0259n tez-tez minn\u0259tdarl\u0131q \u0259lam\u0259ti olaraq g\u00fcl-\u00e7i\u00e7\u0259k buketl\u0259ri almaq, d\u00fcz\u00fc, \u00e7i\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259r\u0259 h\u0259dsiz sevgisi olan xan\u0131m r\u0259hb\u0259r kimi m\u0259n\u0259 xo\u015f t\u0259\u0259ss\u00fcrat b\u0259x\u015f edirdi.
\nB\u0259zil\u0259rind\u0259n f\u0259rqli olaraq, bu g\u00fcn sahibi oldu\u011fum \u015firk\u0259t valideynl\u0259rimd\u0259n m\u0259n\u0259 miras qalmam\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Atamdan m\u0259n\u0259 qalan yaln\u0131z anam v\u0259 bac\u0131m idi, bir d\u0259 onun m\u0259sl\u0259h\u0259tl\u0259ri. Bu g\u00fcn b\u00f6y\u00fck bir \u015firk\u0259t sahibi olma\u011f\u0131ma baxmayaraq, kas\u0131b, h\u0259m d\u0259 \u00e7ox kas\u0131b bir ail\u0259nin q\u0131z\u0131 idim. Anam \u0259t\u0259, ya\u011fa ay\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131 pulu \u00e7ox zaman d\u0259rsl\u0259rd\u0259n yay\u0131nmamaq v\u0259 t\u0259l\u0259b\u0259 yolda\u015flar\u0131m\u0131n yan\u0131nda p\u0259rt olmamaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn paltarlar\u0131ma v\u0259 kitab-d\u0259ft\u0259rl\u0259rim\u0259 x\u0259rcl\u0259rdi. Bel\u0259 vaxtlarda q\u0259h\u0259rimi g\u00fccl\u0259 bo\u011far, hiss etdirm\u0259m\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fard\u0131m.
\nH\u0259min g\u00fcn… H\u0259yat\u0131m\u0131 d\u0259yi\u015f\u0259n h\u0259min g\u00fcn…
\n\u2500Af\u0259t xan\u0131m!\u2013Katib\u0259nin s\u0259si m\u0259ni fikird\u0259n ay\u0131rd\u0131. \u2013H\u00fcquq\u015f\u00fcnas sizinl\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fm\u0259k ist\u0259yir.
\n\u2500D\u0259v\u0259t edin, g\u0259lsin,\u2013deyib masa arxas\u0131na ke\u00e7dim. Stolumun \u00fcst\u00fcn\u0259 qoyulmu\u015f s\u0259n\u0259dl\u0259ri g\u00f6zd\u0259n ke\u00e7irib imzalad\u0131m.
\n\u015eirk\u0259timizin g\u0259nc h\u00fcquq\u015f\u00fcnas\u0131n\u0131n savad\u0131na v\u0259 i\u015f bacar\u0131\u011f\u0131na he\u00e7 bir \u015f\u00fcbh\u0259m yox idi. Ona etibar edirdim. Bu d\u0259f\u0259 d\u0259 yeni layih\u0259 bar\u0259d\u0259 onun fikirl\u0259rini bilm\u0259k v\u0259 imzalayaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131z sazi\u015fin h\u00fcquqi t\u0259r\u0259fl\u0259rini ara\u015fd\u0131r\u0131b ayd\u0131nla\u015fd\u0131rmaq ist\u0259yirdim. G\u0259l\u0259c\u0259kd\u0259 yarana bil\u0259c\u0259k h\u0259r c\u00fcr xo\u015fag\u0259lm\u0259z hallardan uzaq olmaq v\u0259 i\u015fimizin u\u011furlu olmas\u0131 \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn daha diqq\u0259tli olmaq, m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259y\u0259 inc\u0259likl\u0259 yana\u015fmaq vacib idi.
\nP\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259nin bir k\u00fcnc\u00fcn\u0259 qoyulan ki\u00e7ik g\u00fcl d\u0259st\u0259si q\u0259fil diqq\u0259timi \u00e7\u0259kdi. Ota\u011f\u0131n \u0259n g\u00f6z\u0259l gu\u015f\u0259l\u0259rind\u0259 yerl\u0259\u015fdiril\u0259n g\u00fcl buketl\u0259rind\u0259n f\u0259rqli olaraq, bu ki\u00e7ik zanbaq d\u0259st\u0259si bir k\u0259nara at\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, k\u00fcnc\u0259 q\u0131s\u0131l\u0131b s\u0259sini \u00e7\u0131xartma\u011fa c\u00fcr\u0259t etm\u0259y\u0259n yetim u\u015fa\u011f\u0131 xat\u0131rlatd\u0131 m\u0259n\u0259 n\u0259d\u0259ns\u0259. Bu balaca d\u0259st\u0259nin kim t\u0259r\u0259find\u0259n h\u0259diyy\u0259 edil\u0259 bil\u0259c\u0259yin\u0259 olan mara\u011f\u0131m b\u00fct\u00fcn diqq\u0259timi yay\u0131nd\u0131rd\u0131. Art\u0131q h\u00fcquq\u015f\u00fcnas\u0131n n\u0259 fikirl\u0259rini, n\u0259 d\u0259 m\u0259sl\u0259h\u0259tl\u0259rini dinl\u0259y\u0259 bilmirdim. Getdikc\u0259 artan maraq m\u0259ni p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259nin qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na \u00e7\u0259kir, bir ne\u00e7\u0259 zanbaqdan ibar\u0259t olan d\u0259st\u0259y\u0259 toxunma\u011fa vadar edirdi.
\n\u2500F\u0259rid b\u0259y! M\u0259n siz\u0259 tamamil\u0259 etibar edir\u0259m. B\u00fct\u00fcn s\u0259n\u0259dl\u0259ri haz\u0131rlay\u0131n.
\n\u00d6z s\u00f6zl\u0259rim\u0259 g\u0259nc h\u00fcquq\u015f\u00fcnas kimi, \u00f6z\u00fcm d\u0259 t\u0259\u0259cc\u00fcb etdim. Zanbaqlara olan mara\u011f\u0131m m\u0259ni m\u00fczakir\u0259ni dayand\u0131rma\u011fa vadar etmi\u015fdi. G\u0259nc s\u0259n\u0259dl\u0259rini toplay\u0131b otaqdan \u00e7\u0131xan kimi, d\u0259rhal \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259nin qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na atd\u0131m. Zanbaqlar\u0131n kimd\u0259n oldu\u011funu bilm\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn d\u0259st\u0259ni aralad\u0131m. Aras\u0131nda ki\u00e7ik d\u0259 olsa bir ka\u011f\u0131z par\u00e7as\u0131, vizitka tapmaq ist\u0259yim h\u0259d\u0259r idi.
\nZanbaqlar\u0131 \u0259lim\u0259 ald\u0131m, qeyri-ixtiyari \u0259zizl\u0259yib dodaqlar\u0131ma yax\u0131nla\u015fd\u0131rd\u0131m. Maraq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn dig\u0259r buketl\u0259rin \u00fcst\u00fcnd\u0259ki vizitkalara da n\u0259z\u0259r sald\u0131m. Aralar\u0131ndak\u0131 ki\u00e7ik a\u00e7\u0131q\u00e7alarda minn\u0259tdarl\u0131q, h\u0259tta sevgi etiraflar\u0131 da vard\u0131. \u015eeirl\u0259 yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015f a\u00e7\u0131q\u00e7alar\u0131 oxumaq is\u0259, n\u0259 deyim, do\u011frusu m\u0259ni \u0259yl\u0259ndirirdi. \u00d6zl\u00fcy\u00fcmd\u0259 g\u00fcl\u00fcrd\u00fcm saxta s\u0259mimiyy\u0259t\u0259.
\nZanbaqlar\u0131 h\u0259dsiz sevirdim. G\u00f6z\u0259l oldu\u011fu q\u0259d\u0259r sirli bir g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fc\u015f\u00fc vard\u0131 m\u0259nc\u0259. F\u0259rqliliyi b\u0259lk\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u0259 idi, bilmir\u0259m… Jal\u00fcz\u00fcn arxas\u0131nda gizl\u0259nmi\u015f ki\u00e7ik g\u00fcldan\u0131 su il\u0259 doldurub zanbaqlar\u0131 i\u00e7in\u0259 qoydum. Masan\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnd\u0259, g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda olma\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ist\u0259yirdim.
\nZanbaqlara g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc zill\u0259yib n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259l\u0259r\u0259 dald\u0131\u011f\u0131m yad\u0131mda deyil. Katib\u0259 q\u0131z i\u00e7\u0259ri girdiyi zaman fikr\u0259 getdiyimin f\u0259rqin\u0259 vard\u0131m.
\n\u2500Bu ki\u00e7ik d\u0259st\u0259ni b\u0259y\u0259nm\u0259zsiniz d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm… D\u00fcz\u00fc, atma\u011fa heyfim g\u0259ldi. Ona g\u00f6r\u0259 d\u0259 bir k\u0259narda qoydum…
\nN\u0259z\u0259rl\u0259rimi zanbaqlardan \u00e7\u0259km\u0259d\u0259n dal\u011f\u0131n \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 soru\u015fdum:
\n\u2500Bu zanbaqlar\u0131 kim g\u0259tirib?
\n\u2500Bilmir\u0259m…\u2013deyib q\u0131z \u00e7iyinl\u0259rini \u00e7\u0259kdi,\u2013qap\u0131da n\u0259zar\u0259t\u00e7iy\u0259 verib \u201cAf\u0259t xan\u0131m \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnd\u00fcr\u201d deyibl\u0259r.
\nBu ki\u00e7ik zanbaq d\u0259st\u0259si dig\u0259r buketl\u0259r\u0259 b\u0259nz\u0259mirdi v\u0259 g\u00fcman etdiyim he\u00e7 bir k\u0259s t\u0259r\u0259find\u0259n d\u0259 ba\u011f\u0131\u015flana bilm\u0259zdi. \u0130ri v\u0259 son d\u0259r\u0259c\u0259 g\u00f6z\u0259l ba\u011flanm\u0131\u015f buketl\u0259rin qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda n\u0259z\u0259r\u0259 \u00e7arpmayan bu f\u0259rqli \u00e7i\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259r g\u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259 daha m\u00f6ht\u0259\u015f\u0259m idi. Zanbaqlar\u0131 qoxulad\u0131m.
\nQ\u0259rib\u0259 idi. Bir anl\u0131q m\u0259n\u0259 el\u0259 g\u0259ldi ki, m\u0259hz m\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn d\u0259rilmi\u015f bu zanbaqlar\u0131n l\u0259\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259rind\u0259, yarpaqlar\u0131nda hopub qalm\u0131\u015f qoxu m\u0259n\u0259 tan\u0131\u015fd\u0131r. Sanki tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m v\u0259 m\u0259ni \u00e7ox yax\u015f\u0131 tan\u0131yan, ruhuma b\u0259l\u0259d olan bir k\u0259sin \u0259linin h\u0259rar\u0259ti, n\u0259z\u0259rimi ay\u0131rmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u00e7i\u00e7\u0259yin \u00fcz\u0259rind\u0259 n\u0259z\u0259rl\u0259ri ili\u015fib qalm\u0131\u015fd\u0131.
\nEh…n\u0259l\u0259r d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr\u0259m… Bu zanbaqlar m\u0259ni reall\u0131qdan ay\u0131r\u0131b \u00e7oxdan x\u0259yal etm\u0259diyim bir m\u0259kana, zamana \u00e7\u0259kib aparma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131.
\n\u00d6z\u00fcm\u00fc \u0259l\u0259 ald\u0131m. Reall\u0131q hissini itirm\u0259k, romantikaya k\u00f6kl\u0259nm\u0259k olmazd\u0131. El\u0259 d\u0259 \u00fcnsiyy\u0259tcil olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn, \u00f6z\u00fcm bar\u0259d\u0259 dan\u0131\u015fma\u011f\u0131, maraq v\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259l\u0259rimi b\u00f6l\u00fc\u015fm\u0259yi sevm\u0259diyim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn he\u00e7 k\u0259s bu zanbaqlar\u0131n m\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r d\u0259y\u0259rli oldu\u011funu bil\u0259 bilm\u0259zdi. Yoxsa… Q\u0259fil beynimd\u0259n ke\u00e7\u0259n fikird\u0259n \u00f6z\u00fcm d\u0259 diksindim. \u00d6z\u00fcm-\u00f6z\u00fcml\u0259 dan\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m:
\n\u2500Bu ola bilm\u0259z! Bu g\u00fcn m\u0259n\u0259 n\u0259 olub?! Gah d\u0259nizk\u0259nar\u0131nda \u00f6z ad\u0131m\u0131 e\u015fidir\u0259m, indi d\u0259 bir ne\u00e7\u0259 zanbaqdan ibar\u0259t olan ki\u00e7ik d\u0259st\u0259y\u0259 bax\u0131b x\u0259yallar qururam. N\u0259n\u0259m sa\u011f olsayd\u0131, \u0259lb\u0259t ki, bel\u0259 dey\u0259rdi: \u201cAf\u0259t, kims\u0259 hardasa s\u0259ni d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr, ad\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u0259kir, s\u0259ni s\u0259sl\u0259yir\u201d. Eh, qoca arvad idi d\u0259! Telepatiyaya v\u0259 buna b\u0259nz\u0259r he\u00e7 n\u0259y\u0259 inanmamaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn kifay\u0259t q\u0259d\u0259r oxunmu\u015f v\u0259 savadl\u0131 q\u0131zam. Kimdir m\u0259ni d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u0259n?! Yox, niy\u0259 ki… \u00d6z xeyrini g\u00fcd\u0259n, m\u0259niml\u0259 evl\u0259nm\u0259y\u0259 can atan n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r insan var. B\u0259s, g\u00f6r\u0259s\u0259n… Unut! Unut, Af\u0259t, unut! Ad\u0131n\u0131 bel\u0259 \u00e7\u0259km\u0259! X\u0259yal bel\u0259 etm\u0259!
\nP\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259y\u0259 yax\u0131nla\u015fd\u0131m. S\u0259h\u0259r ya\u011fan nar\u0131n ya\u011f\u0131\u015f daha da g\u00fccl\u0259nmi\u015fdi. Leysan gedirdi. P\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259d\u0259n s\u00fcz\u00fcl\u0259n damlalar bir vaxt yanaqlar\u0131mdan s\u00fcz\u00fcl\u0259n g\u00f6z ya\u015flar\u0131m t\u0259k \u00fcz\u00fca\u015fa\u011f\u0131 ax\u0131b gedirdi.<\/p>\n

*******
\nS\u00fcbh namaz\u0131na q\u0259d\u0259r bir q\u0259d\u0259r yatmaq, g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn ac\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 almaq ist\u0259s\u0259m d\u0259, m\u00fcmk\u00fcn olmad\u0131. Hec c\u00fcr g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 yuxu getm\u0259di. Fikrim zanbaqlar\u0131n yan\u0131nda qalm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Q\u0259lbimin d\u0259rinlikl\u0259rind\u0259 gizl\u0259tdiyim b\u00fct\u00fcn duy\u011fular\u0131m\u0131, xatir\u0259l\u0259rimi canland\u0131rm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Unutmaq ist\u0259diyim, q\u0259lbimin d\u0259rinlikl\u0259rind\u0259 d\u0259fn etdiyimi z\u0259nn etdiyim hissl\u0259r yenid\u0259n i\u00e7imd\u0259 d\u0259niz f\u0131rt\u0131nas\u0131 yaratmaqda idi. Ham\u0131n\u0131n g\u00fccl\u00fc hesab etdiyi \u2013M\u018fN , \u00f6z hissl\u0259rimin, duy\u011fular\u0131m\u0131n \u0259lind\u0259 aciz qalm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m.
\nYen\u0259 G\u00fcn\u0259\u015f do\u011fmu\u015f, yeni g\u00fcn ba\u015flam\u0131\u015fd\u0131.
\nH\u0259r a\u00e7\u0131lan sabah m\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn yeni ba\u015flan\u011f\u0131c, yeni u\u011fur, yeni layih\u0259 dem\u0259k idi. Almaniyada t\u0259hsilimi ba\u015fa vurub \u00f6z do\u011fma Bak\u0131ma qay\u0131dark\u0259n d\u00f6vl\u0259tim\u0259 xidm\u0259t etm\u0259k kimi b\u00f6y\u00fck \u00fcmidl\u0259rim var idi. \u00d6z bacar\u0131\u011f\u0131m, h\u0259m\u00e7inin Allah\u0131n qar\u015f\u0131ma \u00e7\u0131xard\u0131\u011f\u0131 yax\u015f\u0131 insanlar\u0131n m\u0259n\u0259 olan etimad\u0131 say\u0259sind\u0259 az bir zamanda g\u00f6zl\u0259diyimd\u0259n d\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fck nailiyy\u0259tl\u0259r \u0259ld\u0259 etm\u0259y\u0259 m\u00fcv\u0259ff\u0259q olmu\u015fdum. \u018flb\u0259tt\u0259 ki, bunlar\u0131n he\u00e7 biri anam\u0131n dualar\u0131 olmadan m\u00fcmk\u00fcn olmazd\u0131. <\/p>\n

D\u00fcn\u0259nkind\u0259n f\u0259rqli olaraq, bu g\u00fcn hava g\u00f6z\u0259l idi. B\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00f6z ya\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 torpaqla b\u00f6l\u00fc\u015f\u0259n buludlar rahatl\u0131q tapm\u0131\u015f, s\u0259ma da ayd\u0131nlanm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Do\u011fan g\u00fcn\u0259\u015f d\u0259nizin sular\u0131nda \u0259ks olunduqca g\u00f6zox\u015fayan m\u0259nz\u0259r\u0259 al\u0131n\u0131rd\u0131. \u015eair olmasam da, yarpaqlar\u0131n \u00fcz\u0259rind\u0259ki \u015feh damc\u0131lar\u0131 diqq\u0259timd\u0259n yay\u0131nmazd\u0131 he\u00e7 vaxt. S\u0259h\u0259r \u015f\u0259bn\u0259ml\u0259rini yanaqlar\u0131mda donub qalan g\u00f6z ya\u015flar\u0131ma b\u0259nz\u0259dirdim. Torpa\u011f\u0131n n\u0259m qoxusunu, d\u0259nizin \u0259trini, t\u0259miz havan\u0131 ciy\u0259rl\u0259rim\u0259 \u00e7\u0259kib bir q\u0259d\u0259r d\u0259 d\u0259nizi seyr etdikd\u0259n sonra g\u00fcnd\u0259lik h\u0259yat\u0131ma davam etm\u0259y\u0259 haz\u0131r idim.
\nD\u0259nizl\u0259 xudahafizl\u0259\u015fm\u0259zd\u0259n \u0259vv\u0259l ayaq saxlay\u0131b qeyri-ixtiyari yenid\u0259n \u0259trafa n\u0259z\u0259r sald\u0131m. Xeyli aral\u0131da \u00f6z i\u015fl\u0259ri il\u0259 m\u0259\u015f\u011ful olan t\u0259mizlik briqas\u0131ndan ba\u015fqa kims\u0259 g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 d\u0259ym\u0259di. Bilmir\u0259m niy\u0259, amma d\u00fcn\u0259n ax\u015fam da, el\u0259 bu s\u0259h\u0259r d\u0259 d\u0259niz k\u0259nar\u0131nda g\u0259zi\u015f\u0259rk\u0259n, n\u0259d\u0259ns\u0259, \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc t\u0259k hiss etmirdim. \u0130\u00e7imd\u0259 q\u0259fil yaranm\u0131\u015f duy\u011fu m\u0259ni bir ne\u00e7\u0259 d\u0259f\u0259 \u0259trafa boylanma\u011fa vadar etmi\u015fdi. \u00dcz\u0259rimd\u0259 kimins\u0259 bax\u0131\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 hiss edirdim sanki.
\nKabinetin qap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 aral\u0131 v\u0259 katib\u0259ni yerind\u0259 g\u00f6rm\u0259yinc\u0259 bir q\u0259d\u0259r \u0259s\u0259bl\u0259\u015fdim. Fikrimd\u0259n ona dey\u0259c\u0259yim s\u00f6zl\u0259ri ke\u00e7ir\u0259rk\u0259n \u0259lind\u0259 h\u0259min ki\u00e7ik g\u00fcldan i\u00e7\u0259ri daxil oldu. M\u0259ni g\u00f6r\u00fcb g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259di, salamla\u015fd\u0131. \u00dcz\u00fcnd\u0259ki z\u0259rif t\u0259b\u0259ss\u00fcm\u00fc, \u0259lind\u0259ki zanbaqlar fikrimi da\u011f\u0131td\u0131. H\u0259min an q\u0259z\u0259bimi d\u0259, soru\u015fmaq ist\u0259dikl\u0259rimi d\u0259 unutdum.
\n\u2500Suya qoydum ki, m\u0259hv olmas\u0131nlar!\u2013deyib g\u00fcldan\u0131 masam\u0131n \u00fcz\u0259rin\u0259 qoydu.
\nG\u00f6zl\u0259ri h\u0259r zaman sevincl\u0259 parlayan, \u00f6z\u00fcnd\u0259 a\u015f\u0131b-da\u015fan h\u0259yat enerjisini c\u0259ml\u0259y\u0259n, \u015f\u0259n v\u0259 bir q\u0259d\u0259r d\u0259 cingiltili s\u0259sli q\u0131za t\u0259\u015f\u0259kk\u00fcr etm\u0259kd\u0259n ba\u015fqa dem\u0259y\u0259 s\u00f6z\u00fcm qalmad\u0131.
\nZanbaqlara indi diqq\u0259t edinc\u0259 anlad\u0131m ki, bunlar yeni d\u0259rilmi\u015f \u00e7i\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259r\u0259 b\u0259nz\u0259yir. Ota\u011f\u0131n d\u00f6rd bir t\u0259r\u0259fin\u0259 boyland\u0131m. Bax\u0131\u015flar\u0131m d\u00fcn\u0259nki zanbaqlar\u0131 g\u0259zirdi. Q\u0131z fikrimd\u0259n ke\u00e7\u0259nl\u0259ri hiss edib tez dill\u0259ndi:
\n\u2500D\u00fcn\u0259nki zanbaqlar\u0131 bir q\u0259d\u0259r sol\u011fun hesab etdiyim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn masan\u0131za yenil\u0259rini qoyma\u011f\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Atmam\u0131\u015fam, \u0259g\u0259r ist\u0259s\u0259niz bunlar\u0131n yan\u0131na yerl\u0259\u015fdir\u0259 bil\u0259r\u0259m.
\nBa\u015f\u0131m\u0131n i\u015far\u0259si il\u0259 ist\u0259yimi t\u0259sdiql\u0259dim. Az ke\u00e7m\u0259mi\u015f \u0259lind\u0259 zanbaqlarla geri d\u00f6nd\u00fc. G\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259di.Onun h\u0259r\u0259k\u0259tl\u0259rini izl\u0259y\u0259r\u0259k:
\n\u2500Bu zanbaqlar hardand\u0131r? \u2013dey\u0259 soru\u015fdum.
\n\u2500D\u00fcn\u0259n oldu\u011fu kimi, yen\u0259 d\u0259 kims\u0259 m\u00fchafiz\u0259\u00e7iy\u0259 verib, Siz\u0259 \u00e7atd\u0131rma\u011f\u0131 xahi\u015f edib.
\nD\u00fcn\u0259nkind\u0259n f\u0259rqli olaraq, bu g\u00fcnki zanbaq d\u0259st\u0259sinin i\u00e7\u0259risin\u0259 bir \u00e7obanyast\u0131\u011f\u0131 da \u0259lav\u0259 edilmi\u015fdi.
\nKatib\u0259m qap\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6rt\u00fcb otaqdan \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131qdan sonra \u0259yilib \u00e7i\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259rin qoxusunu i\u00e7im\u0259 \u00e7\u0259kdim. N\u0259z\u0259rl\u0259rim yeddi zanba\u011f\u0131n aras\u0131na yerl\u0259\u015fdirilmi\u015f s\u0259kkizinci \u00e7i\u00e7\u0259kd\u0259 \u2013\u00e7obanyast\u0131\u011f\u0131nda idi. C\u00fct sayda \u00e7i\u00e7\u0259k h\u0259diyy\u0259 etm\u0259k xo\u015fag\u0259lm\u0259z bir anlam da\u015f\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn, dem\u0259k ki, g\u00f6nd\u0259r\u0259n k\u0259s m\u00fctl\u0259q onu oradan ay\u0131raca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 da bilirdi. \u00c7ox d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u0259d\u0259n \u0259limi \u00e7obanyast\u0131\u011f\u0131na uzatd\u0131m. \u0130ndi g\u00fcldan\u0131n i\u00e7ind\u0259 yeddi zanbaq qal\u0131rd\u0131. Qeyri-ixtiyari dodaqlar\u0131ma qonan t\u0259b\u0259ss\u00fcm\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259 az sonra \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 ac\u0131\u011f\u0131m tutdu. P\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259y\u0259 yax\u0131nla\u015fd\u0131m, a\u00e7d\u0131m. Barmaqlar\u0131m \u00e7i\u00e7\u0259yin l\u0259\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259rin\u0259 toxunma\u011fa, onlar\u0131 q\u0131r\u0131b atma\u011fa haz\u0131r idi.
\n\u00c7obanyast\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 u\u015faql\u0131\u011f\u0131mdan sevm\u0259zdim. Onunla ba\u011fl\u0131 xatir\u0259l\u0259rd\u0259n biri is\u0259 indi beynimd\u0259 dola\u015fmaqda idi. Dey\u0259s\u0259n, ax\u0131, he\u00e7 vaxt da unudulmam\u0131\u015fd\u0131:
\n\u201c\u2500O g\u00f6z\u0259llikd\u0259 \u00e7i\u00e7\u0259y\u0259 nec\u0259 q\u0131yd\u0131n?
\nG\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259yib daha bir l\u0259\u00e7\u0259yi qopararaq cavab vermi\u015fdim:
\n\u2500\u201cSevir-sevmir\u201d tapmacas\u0131ndan ba\u015fqa \u00e7obanyast\u0131\u011f\u0131lar n\u0259y\u0259 yaray\u0131r ki?! Sevmir\u0259m bu g\u00fcl\u00fc!
\n\u2500Niy\u0259?\u2013g\u00f6zl\u0259rimin i\u00e7in\u0259 bax\u0131b soru\u015fdu.
\n\u2500Bilmir\u0259m… N\u0259 vaxt l\u0259\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259ri qopartsam, h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 \u201csevmir\u201d k\u0259lm\u0259si dodaqlar\u0131mda qalar…
\nG\u00fclm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fc s\u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259:
\n\u2500B\u0259lk\u0259 bu d\u0259f\u0259 d\u0259 c\u0259hd ed\u0259s\u0259n. M\u0259nim x\u0259trim\u0259. Yax\u015f\u0131?
\nRaz\u0131la\u015fm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. N\u0259z\u0259rl\u0259riml\u0259 sona qalm\u0131\u015f bir ne\u00e7\u0259 l\u0259\u00e7\u0259y\u0259 diqq\u0259t edib say\u0131n\u0131 m\u00fc\u0259yy\u0259n etm\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131m an, o, g\u00fcl\u00fc \u0259limd\u0259n al\u0131b \u00f6z\u00fc \u201csevir-sevmir\u201d k\u0259lm\u0259l\u0259rini astadan p\u0131\u00e7\u0131ldad\u0131. Sonuncu k\u0259lm\u0259ni s\u0259sl\u0259ndir\u0259n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r n\u0259f\u0259simi bel\u0259 \u00e7\u0259km\u0259d\u0259n dayan\u0131b h\u0259y\u0259canla g\u00f6zl\u0259rinin i\u00e7in\u0259 baxm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. Sonuncu l\u0259\u00e7\u0259yi qopard\u0131\u011f\u0131 zaman b\u0259rkd\u0259n \u201cSevir!\u201d k\u0259lm\u0259sini s\u00f6yl\u0259yib d\u00fcz g\u00f6zl\u0259rimin i\u00e7in\u0259 baxm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. E\u015fitm\u0259k ist\u0259diyim s\u00f6z\u00fc e\u015fitdiyim an \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc xo\u015fb\u0259xt sand\u0131\u011f\u0131m q\u0259d\u0259r utanm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m h\u0259m d\u0259. G\u00f6zl\u0259rinin i\u00e7in\u0259 baxma\u011fa c\u0259sar\u0259tim \u00e7atmad\u0131\u011f\u0131ndand\u0131r b\u0259lk\u0259, n\u0259z\u0259rl\u0259rimi yay\u0131nd\u0131rm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m.
\n\u2500Sevir… Bax bel\u0259!\u2013dey\u0259r\u0259k m\u0259nal\u0131, ifad\u0259li bax\u0131\u015flar\u0131 il\u0259 g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259mi\u015fdi.
\n\u2500S\u0259nin \u0259lind\u0259 s\u0259nin qism\u0259tin\u0259 el\u0259 bitdi. M\u0259nim \u0259limd\u0259 \u201csevir\u201d k\u0259lm\u0259si il\u0259 bitm\u0259y\u0259 d\u0259 bil\u0259rdi…
\n\u2500Bilm\u0259k olmaz… \u2013deyib m\u0259nal\u0131-m\u0259nal\u0131 g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259mi\u015fdi. H\u0259min an bax\u0131\u015flar\u0131ndan fikrini oxuya bilm\u0259mi\u015fdim.
\nSonrak\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fl\u0259rimizd\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 h\u0259diyy\u0259 etdiyi m\u00fcxt\u0259lif \u00e7i\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259rin aras\u0131nda h\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259 m\u00fctl\u0259q bir \u00e7obanyast\u0131\u011f\u0131 da olard\u0131. C\u00fct olmas\u0131n dey\u0259, d\u0259rhal d\u0259st\u0259d\u0259n ay\u0131rar, l\u0259\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259rini qoparma\u011fa ba\u015flard\u0131m. H\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259sind\u0259 l\u0259\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259rin \u201csevir\u201d s\u00f6z\u00fcnd\u0259 bitm\u0259si m\u0259ni xo\u015fb\u0259xt edirdi. \u00c7obanyast\u0131\u011f\u0131 il\u0259 bu sevgi oyunu v\u0259rdi\u015f hal\u0131na ke\u00e7mi\u015fdi. Bir g\u00fcn, yen\u0259 bu oyunu oynad\u0131\u011f\u0131m zaman sonuncu l\u0259\u00e7\u0259yi qopar\u0131b \u201csevmir\u201d dey\u0259 p\u0131\u00e7\u0131ldayaraq k\u0259d\u0259rli bax\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131 \u00fcz\u00fcn\u0259 zill\u0259dim.
\n\u2500Ola bilm\u0259z! D\u00fcz saymam\u0131san!\u2013deyib yer\u0259 s\u0259p\u0259l\u0259nmi\u015f l\u0259\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259ri saymaq ist\u0259di.\u2013\u00d6z\u00fcm saym\u0131\u015fam, sevmir s\u00f6z\u00fcnd\u0259 bit\u0259 bilm\u0259zdi!
\nQ\u0259fil e\u015fitdiyim bu k\u0259lm\u0259 m\u0259ni \u00e7ox m\u0259tl\u0259bl\u0259rd\u0259n agah etdi. S\u0259n dem\u0259, h\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm\u00fczd\u0259n \u0259vv\u0259l g\u00fcl d\u0259st\u0259sinin aras\u0131na yerl\u0259\u015fdirilmi\u015f \u00e7obanyast\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n l\u0259\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259rini sayar, art\u0131q olan l\u0259\u00e7\u0259yi is\u0259 qopar\u0131b atard\u0131. \u00d6z dilind\u0259n qa\u00e7\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131 k\u0259lm\u0259d\u0259n sonra h\u0259r ikimiz p\u0259rt olub xeyli m\u00fcdd\u0259t susmu\u015f, n\u0259tic\u0259d\u0259 bir daha he\u00e7 vaxt m\u0259n\u0259 \u00e7obanyast\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u0259tirm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259yin\u0259 s\u00f6z vermi\u015fdi. El\u0259 h\u0259min g\u00fcn bu oyun bitmi\u015fdi.\u201d
\n\u0130ll\u0259r sonra ilk d\u0259f\u0259 idi \u0259limd\u0259 \u00e7obanyast\u0131\u011f\u0131 tuturdum. \u00d6z\u00fcm d\u0259 hiss etm\u0259d\u0259n bir-bir l\u0259\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259ri qopar\u0131b at\u0131r, dodaqalt\u0131 p\u0131\u00e7\u0131lday\u0131rd\u0131m. Budur, sonuncu l\u0259\u00e7\u0259k: \u201cSevir\u201d
\nDaha u\u015faq deyildim. N\u0259 bu oyuna mara\u011f\u0131m vard\u0131, n\u0259 d\u0259 sevgiy\u0259 inam\u0131m qalm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Sevginin \u00f6z\u00fc d\u0259, bir \u00e7obanyast\u0131\u011f\u0131 l\u0259\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259rind\u0259n ibar\u0259t oyun q\u0259d\u0259r bo\u015f v\u0259 m\u0259nas\u0131z idi. D\u0259rinlikl\u0259rind\u0259 q\u0259lbimin k\u0259d\u0259rini gizl\u0259tm\u0259yi bacaran g\u00f6zl\u0259rimd\u0259n f\u0259rqli olaraq, dodaqlar\u0131m \u00f6z sevincini x\u0259fif t\u0259b\u0259ss\u00fcm\u00fc il\u0259 a\u015fkar etdi.
\nBil\u0259r\u0259kd\u0259n \u00e7obanyast\u0131\u011f\u0131 il\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 \u00f6z kimliyini b\u0259lli etm\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan sirli zanbaqlar\u0131n sahibinin o oldu\u011funa art\u0131q he\u00e7 bir \u015f\u00fcbh\u0259m qalmad\u0131. H\u0259, o idi, \u00f6z\u00fc idi…<\/p>\n

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Evin\u0259 t\u0259l\u0259s\u0259n xo\u015fb\u0259xt insanlardan f\u0259rqli olaraq, yor\u011fun olma\u011f\u0131ma v\u0259 g\u0259rgin bir g\u00fcn ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131ma baxmayaraq, ev\u0259 t\u0259l\u0259smirdim he\u00e7 vaxt. Qap\u0131 a\u011fz\u0131nda m\u0259ni qar\u015f\u0131layacaq, \u201cXo\u015f g\u0259ldin!\u201d dey\u0259c\u0259k he\u00e7 k\u0259sim yox idi. T\u0259nha idim. M\u0259nzilim d\u0259 uzaq v\u0259 at\u0131lm\u0131\u015f m\u0259b\u0259dl\u0259r kimi tamamil\u0259 t\u0259nha idi. He\u00e7 k\u0259s\u0259 laz\u0131m olmayacaq q\u0259d\u0259r d\u0259y\u0259rsiz v\u0259 t\u0259nha hiss edirdim \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc t\u0259nha m\u0259nzilimd\u0259… Soyuq divarlar aras\u0131nda qalan anam\u0131n xatir\u0259l\u0259ri bel\u0259 m\u0259ni ovutmur, \u0259ksin\u0259 ruhumu \u00fc\u015f\u00fctm\u0259y\u0259 davam edirdi.
\n\u00c7ox zaman evd\u0259 yem\u0259k yem\u0259y\u0259 h\u0259v\u0259sim olmazd\u0131. Anam\u0131n \u00f6z \u0259ll\u0259ri il\u0259 haz\u0131rlad\u0131\u011f\u0131 k\u00fcft\u0259 bozba\u015f, plov, yarpaq dolmas\u0131n\u0131n, dov\u011fan\u0131n qoxusunu unutmam\u0131\u015fd\u0131m h\u0259l\u0259 d\u0259. H\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259 h\u0259min x\u00f6r\u0259kl\u0259ri haz\u0131rlayanda, ya da yey\u0259nd\u0259 qeyri-ixtiyari g\u00f6zl\u0259rimd\u0259n s\u00fcz\u00fcl\u0259n g\u00f6z ya\u015flar\u0131 axar, yem\u0259yim\u0259 qar\u0131\u015fard\u0131. Yediyim, i\u00e7diyim d\u0259 nu\u015f olmurdu can\u0131ma.
\nU\u015faql\u0131q ill\u0259rim gerid\u0259 qalsa da, qaranl\u0131qdan, b\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259 t\u0259kliyimi hiss etm\u0259kd\u0259n qorxdu\u011fum \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn, ya d\u0259hlizin, ya da yataq ota\u011f\u0131ndak\u0131 elektrik lampas\u0131n\u0131n i\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6nd\u00fcrm\u0259zdim. Yuxuya ged\u0259n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r g\u00f6zl\u0259rimi bir n\u00f6qt\u0259y\u0259 zill\u0259r, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259l\u0259r\u0259 dalard\u0131m. \u0130nsanlar\u0131n rahatl\u0131q tapd\u0131\u011f\u0131 m\u0259nzild\u0259 t\u0259nha olmaq h\u0259yatda t\u0259nha olmaq q\u0259d\u0259r \u00e7ox \u00e7\u0259tin idi. T\u0259nhal\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 payla\u015fa bil\u0259c\u0259yim insana, h\u0259yat\u0131ma bu g\u00fcnd\u0259n sonra r\u0259ng qata bil\u0259c\u0259k insana is\u0259 rast g\u0259lm\u0259mi\u015fdim. Sevgi x\u0259yallar\u0131m\u0131, arzular\u0131m\u0131 onun ad\u0131 il\u0259 ba\u011flad\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn, onunla ayr\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131m g\u00fcn b\u00fct\u00fcn \u00fcmidl\u0259rim d\u0259 sanki d\u0259nizin i\u00e7ind\u0259ki qayal\u0131qlara \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131lm\u0131\u015f kimi m\u0259hv olmu\u015fdu. Sahil\u0259 can atan, \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131lan v\u0259 el\u0259 ordaca m\u0259hv olan, \u00f6l\u0259n l\u0259p\u0259l\u0259ri izl\u0259rk\u0259n d\u0259 onlarda \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc tap\u0131rd\u0131m. D\u0259niz\u0259 b\u0259nz\u0259yirdim, arzular\u0131m, ist\u0259kl\u0259rim d\u0259 h\u0259min dal\u011falara,l\u0259p\u0259l\u0259r\u0259. Amma d\u0259niz m\u0259nd\u0259n xo\u015fb\u0259xt idi. H\u0259r yeni yaranan dal\u011fa, sahil\u0259 can atan h\u0259r yeni l\u0259p\u0259 d\u0259nizin h\u0259yat e\u015fqind\u0259n do\u011furdu. O, m\u0259nd\u0259n daha israrl\u0131, daha inadkar idi. Ondan f\u0259rqli olaraq, m\u0259nim q\u0259lbim yeni sevgiy\u0259, yeni m\u00fcnasib\u0259tl\u0259r\u0259 haz\u0131r deyildi.
\nAd\u0259t\u0259n ax\u015famlar yatmazdan \u0259vv\u0259l bir q\u0259d\u0259r kitab oxumaq yuxu g\u0259tirirdi m\u0259n\u0259. Bu g\u00fcn is\u0259, \u0259ksin\u0259, fikirl\u0259rimi c\u0259ml\u0259y\u0259 bilm\u0259diyim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn s\u0259tirl\u0259rd\u0259 g\u00f6z\u00fcm g\u0259zs\u0259 d\u0259, he\u00e7 n\u0259 d\u0259rk ed\u0259 bilmirdim. Kitab\u0131 k\u0259nara qoyub i\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 s\u00f6nd\u00fcrd\u00fcm. B\u0259lk\u0259 qaranl\u0131q daha tez yuxuya getm\u0259yim\u0259 s\u0259b\u0259b olar, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcm \u00f6zl\u00fcy\u00fcmd\u0259. Yan\u0131lm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m…
\nP\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259d\u0259n i\u00e7\u0259ri s\u00fcz\u00fcl\u0259n z\u0259rif ay i\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 yataq ota\u011f\u0131m\u0131 ayd\u0131nlatm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Bel\u0259 anlarda insan ad\u0259t\u0259n romantik duy\u011fulara k\u00f6kl\u0259nir. Ya sevdiyini x\u0259yal edir, ya da sev\u0259c\u0259yi a\u011f atl\u0131 \u015fahzad\u0259si il\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u0259c\u0259yi g\u00fcn\u00fcn t\u0259f\u0259rr\u00fcatlar\u0131n\u0131 x\u0131rdal\u0131qlar\u0131na q\u0259d\u0259r d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131r.
\nD\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259l\u0259rim irad\u0259md\u0259n as\u0131l\u0131 olmadan qeyri-ixtiyari ill\u0259r \u0259vv\u0259l\u0259 qay\u0131tm\u0131\u015fd\u0131.
\n…Anam\u0131n danlaqlar\u0131na baxmayaraq, d\u0259rsd\u0259n \u00e7\u0131x\u0131b ev\u0259 g\u0259lm\u0259zd\u0259n \u0259vv\u0259l be\u015f d\u0259qiq\u0259liy\u0259 d\u0259 olsa, d\u0259niz k\u0259nar\u0131nda g\u0259z\u0259r, qoxusunu ciy\u0259rl\u0259rim\u0259 \u00e7\u0259k\u0259r\u0259k d\u0259niz\u0259 ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m g\u00fcn\u00fcn hesabat\u0131n\u0131 ver\u0259rdim. G\u00fcnd\u00fcz g\u0259zintil\u0259rim\u0259 naraz\u0131 olub he\u00e7 bir s\u00f6z dem\u0259y\u0259n anam, d\u0259rsd\u0259n \u00e7\u0131x\u0131b d\u0259niz k\u0259nar\u0131nda g\u0259zib dola\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131ma g\u00f6r\u0259 m\u0259ni danlar, dem\u0259diyi s\u00f6z qalmaz, gah m\u00fclayim s\u0259sl\u0259 \u00f6z fikirl\u0259rini izah etm\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015far, gah da s\u0259sini y\u00fcks\u0259ldib dayanmadan t\u0259nbeh ed\u0259rdi. O zamanlar anam\u0131n s\u00f6zl\u0259rin\u0259 a\u011f\u0131z b\u00fcz\u0259r, \u0259limi havada yell\u0259yib qulaqard\u0131na vurard\u0131m h\u0259r \u015feyi. \u018fslind\u0259 is\u0259, anam haql\u0131 idi, \u00e7\u00fcnki ikinci n\u00f6vb\u0259nin d\u0259rsl\u0259ri gec bitir, hava is\u0259 tez qaral\u0131rd\u0131. M\u0259n\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259 narahat olma\u011f\u0131na s\u0259b\u0259b g\u00f6rm\u00fcrd\u00fcm. D\u0259nizi \u0259n yax\u0131n\u0131m bildiyimd\u0259n, sahild\u0259 oldu\u011fum zaman is\u0259 he\u00e7 bir qorxu-h\u00fcrk\u00fcm qalmazd\u0131. A\u011faclar\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131nda g\u0259zib-dolanan, n\u0259rm\u0259nazik q\u0131zlara yax\u0131nla\u015fmadan, birba\u015fa o\u011flanlara yax\u0131nla\u015f\u0131b onlarla futbol oynamaq ist\u0259diyini, h\u0259m d\u0259 h\u00fccum\u00e7u kimi komandaya qo\u015fulmaq ist\u0259diyini bildir\u0259n, q\u0131zlar bir yana, o\u011flanlar\u0131n bel\u0259 \u00e7\u0259kinib ehtiyat etdiyi bir q\u0131z olaraq b\u00f6y\u00fcm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcm. H\u0259r g\u00fcn kiminl\u0259s\u0259 dala\u015far, kimins\u0259 pay\u0131n\u0131 verib yola salard\u0131m. D\u00f6y\u00fcb yola sald\u0131\u011f\u0131m u\u015faqlar\u0131n analar\u0131 da anam\u0131n, n\u0259n\u0259min \u00fcst\u00fcn\u0259 evimiz\u0259 \u015fikay\u0259t\u0259 g\u0259l\u0259rdil\u0259r. N\u0259n\u0259m dizl\u0259rin\u0259 d\u00f6y\u00fcb \u201cVay, bu q\u0131z\u0131 kim alacaq!\u201d\u2013dey\u0259rdi. Bel\u0259 vaxtlarda doda\u011f\u0131n\u0131n alt\u0131nda m\u0131z\u0131ldanard\u0131:
\n\u2500M\u0259n, ax\u0131, buna niy\u0259 Af\u0259t ad\u0131 qoydum! Q\u0131z deyil e, ba\u015fa b\u0259lad\u0131r, b\u0259la!
\nUniversitet h\u0259yat\u0131 m\u0259ni tamamil\u0259 d\u0259yi\u015fdirmi\u015fdi. Qrupun \u0259n g\u00f6z\u0259l q\u0131zlar\u0131ndan biri oldu\u011fum \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 diqq\u0259t m\u0259rk\u0259zind\u0259 olmaq, daha \u00e7ox xo\u015fa g\u0259lm\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn, etiraf edim ki, \u00e7ox zaman qrupumuzun \u00f6z\u00fcnd\u0259n raz\u0131 forslu q\u0131zlar\u0131n\u0131 q\u0131c\u0131qland\u0131rmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn bunu edirdim, \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259, davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131ma daha \u00e7ox diqq\u0259t edir, kitablarda oxudu\u011fum, filml\u0259rd\u0259 izl\u0259diyim k\u00fcbar xan\u0131mlar kimi g\u00f6r\u00fcnm\u0259y\u0259, davranma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m. Bu m\u0259nd\u0259 \u00e7ox g\u00f6z\u0259l al\u0131n\u0131rd\u0131. Sonralar anlad\u0131m ki, a\u011faclar\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131nda g\u0259zm\u0259yi sev\u0259n q\u0131zc\u0131\u011faz\u0131n \u0259slind\u0259 \u00f6z can\u0131nda bir k\u00fcbarl\u0131q, xan\u0131m-xat\u0131nl\u0131q varm\u0131\u015f.
\nR\u0259fiq\u0259m yox idi. T\u0259l\u0259b\u0259liyimin h\u0259l\u0259 ilk ill\u0259rind\u0259 anlam\u0131\u015fd\u0131m ki, o\u011flanlar dostluqda daha s\u0259daq\u0259tli v\u0259 m\u00f6hk\u0259m olma\u011f\u0131 bacarsalar da, q\u0131zlar\u0131n \u0259ks\u0259riyy\u0259tind\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcnd\u0259n raz\u0131l\u0131q v\u0259 dig\u0259r h\u0259mcinsin\u0259 olan h\u0259s\u0259d \u0259n s\u0259mimi m\u00fcnasib\u0259tl\u0259rin d\u0259 pozulmas\u0131na g\u0259tirib \u00e7\u0131xar\u0131r. H\u0259l\u0259 o ill\u0259rd\u0259 insanlar\u0131n riyakarl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n, saxtal\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n \u015fahidi olub \u00fcz\u00fclm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcm. \u201cDes\u0259m \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u0259rl\u0259r, dem\u0259s\u0259m \u00f6ll\u0259m\u201d prinsipin\u0259 sadiq qal\u0131b d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fckl\u0259rimi des\u0259m d\u0259, h\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259 q\u0131r\u0131lan v\u0259 g\u00fcnahkar yerind\u0259 qalan da m\u0259n olurdum.
\n\u00c7ox \u00fczg\u00fcn v\u0259 qan\u0131 qara idim h\u0259min g\u00fcn. A\u011flamaq, \u00fcr\u0259yimi bo\u015faltmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn d\u0259nizd\u0259n ba\u015fqa p\u0259nah yerim yox idi. Ya\u011fan ya\u011f\u0131\u015f a\u011flay\u0131b \u00fcr\u0259yimi bo\u015faltma\u011fa bir f\u00fcrs\u0259t idi. D\u0259niz\u0259 lap yax\u0131n g\u0259lib n\u0259z\u0259rl\u0259rimi ay\u0131rmadan uzun-uzad\u0131 bax\u0131r, i\u00e7imd\u0259 d\u0259rdl\u0259\u015firdim. Daha bir add\u0131m ir\u0259li atmaq, d\u0259niz\u0259 bir q\u0259d\u0259r d\u0259 yax\u0131n olmaq ist\u0259rk\u0259n qolumdan tutub geri \u00e7\u0259kdi kims\u0259.
\n\u2500\u0130ntihar etm\u0259yi fikrind\u0259n d\u0259 ke\u00e7irtm\u0259 he\u00e7!
\nGeri \u00e7evrildim. Qar\u015f\u0131mda d\u0259niz\u00e7i qiyaf\u0259sind\u0259 bir g\u0259nc dayanm\u0131\u015fd\u0131.
\n\u018flini hidd\u0259tl\u0259 geri it\u0259l\u0259dim. \u00dcz-g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc tur\u015fudub \u00fcst\u00fcn\u0259 bozard\u0131m:
\n\u2500\u0130ntihar ed\u0259c\u0259yimi kim dedi?
\n\u2500On d\u0259qiq\u0259dir sizi izl\u0259yir\u0259m, g\u0259ldiyim q\u0259na\u0259t bel\u0259 oldu, \u2013deyib qolumu buraxd\u0131.
\n\u2500S\u0259hv d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fcs\u00fcz! El\u0259 bir fikrim d\u0259 yox idi he\u00e7!\u2013Tan\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131m zabitin s\u00f6zl\u0259ri m\u0259ni daha da \u0259s\u0259bl\u0259\u015fdirmi\u015fdi.
\n\u2500Lap yax\u015f\u0131… \u2013deyib g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259di.
\nOnun m\u0259nd\u0259n aralanmas\u0131n\u0131 ist\u0259s\u0259m d\u0259, bir add\u0131m bel\u0259 k\u0259nara atmaq fikri yox idi, dey\u0259s\u0259n. T\u0259kliyimi pozdu\u011fu azm\u0131\u015f kimi h\u0259l\u0259 imkan vers\u0259m, el\u0259 bu d\u0259qiq\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 moiz\u0259 d\u0259 oxuma\u011fa ba\u015flayacaqd\u0131 b\u0259lk\u0259.
\n\u2500B\u0259s \u0259g\u0259r bird\u0259n intihar etm\u0259k ist\u0259mi\u015f olsayd\u0131m?\u2013 maraq m\u0259n\u0259 g\u00fcc g\u0259ldi, q\u0259fil soru\u015fdum.
\n\u2500M\u0259n buna imkan verm\u0259zdim!\u2013deyib g\u00f6zl\u0259rimin i\u00e7in\u0259 bax\u0131b g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259di.
\n\u2500Nec\u0259?\u2013n\u00f6vb\u0259ti suallar\u0131m \u015f\u0131ltaq bir q\u0131z\u0131n s\u00f6z oyunu idi art\u0131q.
\n\u2500\u00d6z\u00fcn\u00fc d\u0259niz\u0259 atsan, m\u0259n d\u0259 s\u0259ni xilas etm\u0259y\u0259 m\u0259cbur qalacaqd\u0131m.
\n\u2500N\u0259d\u0259n? \u2013bu d\u0259f\u0259 g\u00f6zl\u0259rinin i\u00e7in\u0259 baxaraq sual\u0131m\u0131 verdim.
\n\u2500G\u0259nc bir q\u0131z\u0131n g\u00f6zl\u0259rim qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda intihar etm\u0259sini bigan\u0259likl\u0259 seyr etm\u0259y\u0259 vicdan\u0131m yol verm\u0259diyi \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn.
\nZabit \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn xarakterik olan bu cavab, d\u00fcz\u00fc, \u00e7ox xo\u015fuma g\u0259lmi\u015fdi.
\n\u2500Dedim, ax\u0131, intihar etm\u0259k fikrim yox idi!
\nBa\u015f\u0131n\u0131 bulay\u0131b g\u00fcld\u00fc:
\n\u2500Ad\u0259t\u0259n intihardan vaz ke\u00e7\u0259nl\u0259rin ham\u0131s\u0131 bel\u0259 deyir.
\n\u2500M\u0259n ham\u0131 deyil\u0259m! \u2013hirsl\u0259 cavab verdim.
\nS\u0259simin tonu, ya kobudlu\u011fum ac\u0131\u011f\u0131na g\u0259ldi, bilmir\u0259m, s\u0259sini qald\u0131rd\u0131:
\n\u2500El\u0259 is\u0259, cavab ver g\u00f6r\u00fcm, havan\u0131n qarald\u0131\u011f\u0131 bu saatda, \u00f6z\u00fc d\u0259 bel\u0259 ya\u011f\u0131\u015fl\u0131 havada s\u0259nin t\u0259k-t\u0259nha d\u0259niz k\u0259nar\u0131nda n\u0259 i\u015fin var? Bu saatda evd\u0259 olma\u011f\u0131n daha m\u0259qs\u0259d\u0259 uy\u011fun deyilmi?
\nBa\u015f\u0131m\u0131 a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 sal\u0131b susdum. G\u0259nc zabitin \u00fcst\u00fcm\u0259 q\u0131\u015fq\u0131rma\u011f\u0131 m\u0259n\u0259 yer el\u0259mi\u015fdi, ya s\u00f6zl\u0259rind\u0259ki ger\u00e7\u0259k, bilmir\u0259m, \u00e7ox p\u0259rt olmu\u015fdum. Anam\u0131n qulaqard\u0131na vurdu\u011fum s\u00f6zl\u0259rini yad birind\u0259n e\u015fitm\u0259k m\u0259n\u0259 t\u0259sir etmi\u015fdi. Dey\u0259s\u0259n, o da bunu hiss etmi\u015fdi.
\n\u018fli il\u0259 ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 qald\u0131r\u0131b \u00fcz\u00fcm\u0259 baxd\u0131. Sa\u00e7lar\u0131mdan, yanaqlar\u0131mdan s\u00fcz\u00fcl\u0259n ya\u011f\u0131\u015f damlalar\u0131n\u0131n i\u00e7ind\u0259 g\u00f6z ya\u015flar\u0131m\u0131 ay\u0131rd etm\u0259k onun \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn \u00e7\u0259tin olmad\u0131.
\n\u2500A\u011flay\u0131rsan s\u0259n?
\nN\u0259d\u0259ns\u0259 s\u00f6zl\u0259ri m\u0259ni bir q\u0259d\u0259r d\u0259 q\u0259h\u0259r\u0259 bo\u011fdu. Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 yell\u0259yib dedim:
\n\u2500Yox, a\u011flam\u0131ram. Niy\u0259 a\u011flay\u0131m ki?!
\nTitr\u0259y\u0259n s\u0259simi hiss etm\u0259m\u0259k m\u00fcmk\u00fcn deyildi. \u018fli il\u0259 \u00e7\u0259n\u0259mi qald\u0131rd\u0131. S\u0259rt s\u0259si m\u00fclayiml\u0259\u015fdi, bir q\u0259d\u0259r d\u0259 qay\u011f\u0131 hiss olundu s\u0259sind\u0259.
\n\u2500X\u0259trin\u0259 d\u0259ydim? Ba\u011f\u0131\u015fla, bunu ist\u0259mirdim. U\u015faq deyils\u0259n amma, \u00f6z\u00fcn d\u0259 bunu anlay\u0131rsan y\u0259qin ki.
\nBa\u015f\u0131m\u0131 t\u0259rp\u0259tdim. S\u00f6zl\u0259rind\u0259ki ger\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259ri m\u0259n yaln\u0131z bu g\u00fcn anlam\u0131\u015fd\u0131m.
\n\u00dcz\u00fcn\u00fc m\u0259n\u0259 tutub zabit r\u0259smiyy\u0259ti il\u0259 dedi:
\n\u2500G\u0259l, bel\u0259 dan\u0131\u015faq: indi birba\u015f ev\u0259 gedirs\u0259n. V\u0259 bundan sonra da, n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r \u00fczg\u00fcn, k\u0259d\u0259rli olsan da, bir daha he\u00e7 vaxt d\u0259niz\u0259 yax\u0131nla\u015fm\u0131rsan! S\u00f6z?
\nM\u0259n\u0259 bel\u0259 bir a\u011f\u0131r \u015f\u0259rt k\u0259s\u0259n bir insan\u0131n s\u00f6zl\u0259rin\u0259 h\u0259min d\u0259qiq\u0259 etiraz etdim:
\n\u2500D\u0259niz m\u0259nim dostumdur! M\u0259n h\u0259r g\u00fcn bura g\u0259lir\u0259m, bir q\u0259d\u0259r g\u0259zib dolan\u0131r, \u00fcr\u0259yimd\u0259kil\u0259ri bo\u015fald\u0131b, qoxusunu i\u00e7im\u0259 \u00e7\u0259kib sonra ev\u0259 gedir\u0259m.
\nS\u00f6zl\u0259rim\u0259 inanmam\u0131\u015fd\u0131. M\u0259ni ba\u015fdan aya\u011fa s\u00fczd\u00fc:
\n\u2500Bel\u0259 havada v\u0259 ax\u015fam saatlar\u0131nda yox! T\u0259rsliyin\u0259 salma, s\u00f6zl\u0259rim h\u0259qiq\u0259t oldu\u011fu q\u0259d\u0259r, h\u0259m d\u0259 faydal\u0131d\u0131r s\u0259nin \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn.
\n\u2500…
\nCavab verm\u0259y\u0259 s\u00f6z\u00fcm yox idi, ya c\u0259sar\u0259tim \u00e7atm\u0131rd\u0131, bilmir\u0259m, ona g\u00f6r\u0259 d\u0259 susma\u011fa m\u0259cbur olmu\u015fdum. S\u00fckutu \u00f6z\u00fc pozdu:
\n\u2500D\u0259nizi m\u0259n d\u0259 \u00e7ox sevir\u0259m. G\u00fcnd\u00fczl\u0259r bir ba\u015fqa g\u00f6z\u0259ldir, ax\u015famlar bir ba\u015fqa… S\u0259nin kimi g\u00f6z\u0259l q\u0131za g\u0259ldikd\u0259 is\u0259,… m\u0259sl\u0259h\u0259t bilmir\u0259m… Ged\u0259k, s\u0259ni ev\u0259 \u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcm.
\nZabitin s\u00f6zl\u0259rind\u0259n duruxdum. Beynimd\u0259n min c\u00fcr fikir ke\u00e7di:
\n\u2500Narahat olmay\u0131n, evim yax\u0131ndad\u0131, \u00f6z\u00fcm ged\u0259c\u0259m.
\nFikrimd\u0259n ke\u00e7\u0259nl\u0259ri hiss etdiyi \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnd\u00fcr b\u0259lk\u0259 g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259yib s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 davam etdi:
\n\u2500Bu g\u00fcn s\u0259nin \u0259min-amanl\u0131\u011f\u0131na \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc cavabdeh bilir\u0259m. Odur ki, sus v\u0259 leytenant H\u00fcseynovun \u0259mrin\u0259 tabe ol!
\n\u2500Kimin? \u2013t\u0259\u0259cc\u00fcbl\u0259 soru\u015fdum.
\nG\u00fcld\u00fc:
\n\u2500Do\u011frudan e, bayaqdan \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc t\u0259qdim etm\u0259mi\u015f\u0259m, ax\u0131!\u2013\u018flini aln\u0131na do\u011fru apar\u0131b zabitl\u0259r\u0259 xas t\u0259rzd\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc t\u0259qdim etdi, \u2013H\u0259rbi d\u0259niz q\u00fcvv\u0259l\u0259rinin g\u0259nc zabiti, ba\u015f leytenant Rauf H\u00fcseynov!
\nG\u0259ncin zabit t\u0259qdimat\u0131na k\u00fcbar xan\u0131m t\u0259k y\u00fcng\u00fclc\u0259 ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 t\u0259rp\u0259tm\u0259kl\u0259 cavab verdim:
\n\u2500Bak\u0131 Slavyan Universitetinin ikinci kurs t\u0259l\u0259b\u0259si Af\u0259t.
\n\u2500Af\u0259t?
\nB\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259 zabit oldu\u011fu \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn daha dol\u011fun t\u0259qdimat g\u00f6zl\u0259yirdi. G\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259yib:
\n\u2500H\u0259, sad\u0259c\u0259 Af\u0259t! \u2013dedim.
\n\u2500Dem\u0259k Af\u0259t! Deyir\u0259m, ax\u0131, ax\u015fam saat\u0131nda bu n\u0259 b\u0259la idi \u00fczl\u0259\u015fdim, \u2013deyib g\u00fcld\u00fc.
\nOnun s\u00f6zl\u0259rin\u0259 qeyri-ixtiyari m\u0259n d\u0259 g\u00fcld\u00fcm. Yaln\u0131z h\u0259min an qar\u015f\u0131mda dayanm\u0131\u015f uca boy, m\u00fct\u0259nasib b\u0259d\u0259n qurulu\u015funa malik g\u0259nc zabitin qiyaf\u0259sin\u0259, yara\u015f\u0131ql\u0131 \u00fcz\u00fcn\u0259, t\u00fcnd \u015fabal\u0131d\u0131 sa\u00e7lar\u0131na, ala g\u00f6zl\u0259rin\u0259 n\u0259z\u0259r sald\u0131m. \u00d6zl\u00fcy\u00fcmd\u0259 bu q\u0259d\u0259r yara\u015f\u0131ql\u0131 g\u0259nc\u0259 filml\u0259rd\u0259 bel\u0259 rast g\u0259lm\u0259diyimi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. B\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259, \u015fi\u015firdirdim bir az…
\nQar\u015f\u0131ma \u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259n d\u0259 inadkar v\u0259 t\u0259rs biri \u00e7\u0131xm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. M\u0259ni ev\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r \u00f6t\u00fcrm\u0259k israr\u0131ndan \u0259l \u00e7\u0259km\u0259di. Bu inadkarl\u0131\u011f\u0131 xo\u015fuma g\u0259ls\u0259 d\u0259, narahat olurdum, d\u00fcz\u00fc. Qar\u015f\u0131m\u0131za m\u0259ni tan\u0131yan kims\u0259nin \u00e7\u0131xaca\u011f\u0131ndan ehtiyat etdiyim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn s\u0131x\u0131l\u0131rd\u0131m. M\u0259h\u0259ll\u0259mizin qeyb\u0259t etm\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn h\u0259r d\u0259qiq\u0259 yeni m\u00f6vzu axtaran qad\u0131nlar\u0131n\u0131n dilin\u0259 d\u00fc\u015fm\u0259kd\u0259n \u00e7\u0259kindiyimi hiss etdim. \u0130lk d\u0259f\u0259 idi ki, \u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259n daha \u00e7ox anam\u0131, ail\u0259mi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrd\u00fcm. Amma \u0259n \u00e7ox n\u0259n\u0259mi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrd\u00fcm: m\u0259ni k\u00f6rp\u0259likd\u0259n b\u00f6y\u00fcd\u00fcb, boya-ba\u015fa \u00e7atd\u0131ran n\u0259n\u0259mi… Anamdan \u00e7ox n\u0259n\u0259min z\u0259hm\u0259ti vard\u0131 \u00fcz\u0259rimd\u0259. He\u00e7 k\u0259sin bar\u0259sind\u0259 art\u0131q-\u0259skik s\u00f6z dey\u0259 bilm\u0259diyi, h\u00f6kml\u00fc bir qad\u0131na x\u0259cal\u0259t, utanc hissi ya\u015fatmaq, d\u0259y\u0259rsiz insanlar\u0131n yan\u0131nda p\u0259rt olma\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ist\u0259m\u0259zdim. N\u0259n\u0259m m\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn el\u0259 ana dem\u0259k idi.
\nYa\u011fan nar\u0131n ya\u011f\u0131\u015f, s\u0259rin v\u0259 t\u0259miz hava, torpa\u011f\u0131n n\u0259m qoxusu \u015f\u0259h\u0259rin ax\u015fam m\u0259nz\u0259r\u0259sini daha g\u00f6z\u0259l edirdi. Dir\u0259kl\u0259rind\u0259n s\u00fcz\u00fcl\u0259n i\u015f\u0131qlar sanki k\u00f6lg\u0259l\u0259rl\u0259 birg\u0259 r\u0259qs edir, d\u0259c\u0259l u\u015faqlar kimi agaclardan ba\u015flam\u0131\u015f qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na \u00e7\u0131xan h\u0259r \u015feyin \u00fcz\u0259rind\u0259 \u00f6z imzas\u0131n\u0131 at\u0131b ke\u00e7irdi.
\n\u0130\u00e7\u0259ri \u015f\u0259h\u0259rin \u00e7ay da\u015flar\u0131 d\u00f6\u015f\u0259nmi\u015f k\u00fc\u00e7\u0259l\u0259ri il\u0259 b\u0259rab\u0259q add\u0131mlay\u0131rd\u0131q. Bil\u0259r\u0259kd\u0259n gah iti yeriyir, gah da add\u0131mlar\u0131m\u0131 yava\u015f\u0131d\u0131rd\u0131m. H\u0259rbi nizam-intizama tabe olan, s\u0131rada olan dig\u0259r yolda\u015flar\u0131 il\u0259 b\u0259rab\u0259r add\u0131mlama\u011fa v\u0259rdi\u015f ed\u0259n zabit add\u0131mlar\u0131ma uy\u011funla\u015fma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131. Bu m\u0259ni \u0259yl\u0259ndirirdi. Yol boyu o\u011frun-o\u011frun ona n\u0259z\u0259r sal\u0131rd\u0131m. H\u0259r\u0259k\u0259tl\u0259rini izl\u0259m\u0259k xo\u015fuma g\u0259lirdi.
\nQo\u015fa qala qap\u0131s\u0131ndan bir q\u0259d\u0259r yuxar\u0131 qalxm\u0131\u015fd\u0131q ki, ayaq saxlad\u0131:
\n\u2500M\u0259nc\u0259 burada sa\u011folla\u015fsaq yax\u015f\u0131d\u0131r.
\nT\u0259\u0259cc\u00fcbl\u0259 m\u0259ni ev\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r \u00f6t\u00fcrm\u0259y\u0259 israr ed\u0259n g\u0259ncin \u00fcz\u00fcn\u0259 baxd\u0131m. Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 t\u0259rp\u0259dib onunla raz\u0131la\u015fd\u0131m:
\n\u2500H\u0259, d\u00fczd\u00fcr. H\u0259r \u015fey\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259 \u00e7ox sa\u011f olun.
\nBa\u015f\u0131n\u0131 y\u00fcng\u00fclc\u0259 yell\u0259di. G\u00f6zl\u0259rini a\u00e7\u0131b yumdu. G\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259di:
\n\u2500Gec\u0259n xeyr\u0259. Allaha \u0259man\u0259t ol!
\nBir ne\u00e7\u0259 add\u0131m at\u0131b geri \u00e7evrildim. Yerind\u0259n t\u0259rp\u0259nm\u0259diyini, bax\u0131\u015flar\u0131 il\u0259 m\u0259ni izl\u0259diyini g\u00f6r\u00fcnc\u0259 g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259dim. Cavab olaraq g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259yib \u0259lini aln\u0131na apard\u0131.
\nFikirl\u0259rim v\u0259 hissl\u0259rim bir-birin\u0259 qar\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Sevinirdim, yoxsa ki \u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcrd\u00fcm, bilmir\u0259m. Anlam\u0131rd\u0131m. Yara\u015f\u0131ql\u0131 g\u0259nc zabitl\u0259 xudahafizl\u0259\u015fib ayr\u0131lsam da, \u00fcr\u0259yimin onun yan\u0131nda, h\u0259min a\u011fac\u0131n alt\u0131nda qald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hiss edirdim. Dey\u0259s\u0259n, ax\u0131, m\u0259n el\u0259 ilk bax\u0131\u015fdan a\u015fiq olmu\u015fdum.
\nYuband\u0131\u011f\u0131ma g\u00f6r\u0259 anama hesabat verm\u0259k fikri d\u0259 beynimd\u0259 dola\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131 an add\u0131m s\u0259sl\u0259ri duydum. Ax\u015fam saatlar\u0131nda s\u0259ssiz v\u0259 qaranl\u0131q dalanlarda daha ayd\u0131n e\u015fidil\u0259n bu s\u0259sl\u0259r, do\u011frusu, b\u0259z\u0259n insan\u0131n i\u00e7in\u0259 vahim\u0259 sal\u0131r. \u018fvv\u0259lc\u0259 geriy\u0259 baxmamaq, daha iti add\u0131mlarla getm\u0259k q\u0259rar\u0131na g\u0259ldim. Bir ne\u00e7\u0259 add\u0131mdan sonra dayand\u0131m. Geri d\u00f6nd\u00fcm. Add\u0131m s\u0259sl\u0259rinin v\u0259 k\u00f6lg\u0259nin Raufa m\u0259xsus oldu\u011funu anlay\u0131nca geri qay\u0131td\u0131m. Dayand\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 v\u0259 geri qay\u0131td\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcb yax\u0131nla\u015fd\u0131.
\n\u2500Noldu? Niy\u0259 dayand\u0131n?
\n\u2500Bu sual\u0131 m\u0259n verm\u0259liy\u0259m…
\nSakit s\u0259sl\u0259:
\n\u2500Qorxutdum s\u0259ni dey\u0259s\u0259n…\u0130\u00e7\u0259ri \u015e\u0259h\u0259rin qaranl\u0131q v\u0259 dar dalanlar\u0131 il\u0259 ged\u0259c\u0259yind\u0259n narahat olub, \u0259min-amanl\u0131qla ev\u0259 \u00e7atd\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan arxay\u0131n olmaq ist\u0259dim, \u2013dedi.
\nYara\u015f\u0131ql\u0131 \u00fcz cizgil\u0259rin\u0259, ala g\u00f6zl\u0259rin\u0259 n\u0259z\u0259r sald\u0131m. Bax\u0131\u015flar\u0131ndak\u0131 ifad\u0259 s\u0259mimiyy\u0259tin\u0259 \u015f\u00fcbh\u0259 etm\u0259yim\u0259 s\u0259b\u0259b qoymurdu. \u00d6mr\u00fcmd\u0259 ilk d\u0259f\u0259 idi ki, yad bir insan\u0131n m\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn bu q\u0259d\u0259r narahat olmas\u0131n\u0131n \u015fahidi olurdum. N\u0259 gizl\u0259dim, bu qay\u011f\u0131, diqq\u0259t m\u0259n\u0259 xo\u015f idi.
\n\u2500S\u0259n\u0259 yax\u0131nla\u015fmadan, on be\u015f-iyirmi add\u0131m aral\u0131dan s\u0259ni t\u0259qib ed\u0259c\u0259m. He\u00e7 n\u0259d\u0259n v\u0259 he\u00e7 k\u0259sd\u0259n qorxmadan d\u00fcz ev\u0259! Yax\u015f\u0131?
\nRaz\u0131l\u0131q \u0259lam\u0259ti olaraq g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259dim. Raufun divarlarda, s\u0259kil\u0259rd\u0259 uzanan k\u00f6lg\u0259si bel\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 arxay\u0131n\u00e7\u0131l\u0131q, g\u00fcv\u0259n hissi b\u0259x\u015f edirdi. <\/p>\n

*******
\nBu s\u0259h\u0259r i\u015f\u0259 ham\u0131dan tez g\u0259lmi\u015fdim. M\u00fchafiz\u0259\u00e7i m\u0259ni qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda g\u00f6r\u0259nd\u0259 \u0259vv\u0259lc\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc itirdi. Sonra salamlay\u0131b yerin\u0259 qay\u0131td\u0131.
\nF\u0259sild\u0259n, havan\u0131n isti v\u0259 soyuq olmas\u0131ndan as\u0131l\u0131 olmayaraq, ilk i\u015fim ota\u011f\u0131n havas\u0131n\u0131 d\u0259yi\u015fdirm\u0259k olur. Masam\u0131n \u00fcz\u0259rind\u0259ki s\u0259n\u0259dl\u0259ri s\u0259liq\u0259y\u0259 sal\u0131b, qovluqlar\u0131 \u015fkafa qoydum. P\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda dayan\u0131b \u0259trafa g\u00f6z g\u0259zdirm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flad\u0131m. \u015eirk\u0259t binas\u0131n\u0131n qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda bir-birl\u0259rini salamlayan i\u015f\u00e7il\u0259r \u00fcz\u0259rl\u0259rind\u0259 olan n\u0259z\u0259rl\u0259rimd\u0259n x\u0259b\u0259rsiz idil\u0259r. Bel\u0259 erk\u0259n g\u0259ldiyim\u0259 t\u0259\u0259cc\u00fcb ed\u0259rdil\u0259r b\u0259lk\u0259. Ad\u0259t\u0259n bil\u0259r\u0259kd\u0259n i\u015f\u0259 yuban\u0131r, onlara \u00f6zl\u0259rini, i\u015fl\u0259rini qaydaya salmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn yar\u0131m saat vaxt verirdim. Gecikdikl\u0259ri \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn uydurduqlar\u0131 yar\u0131ger\u00e7\u0259k, yar\u0131yalan b\u0259han\u0259l\u0259rini dinl\u0259m\u0259yi xo\u015flam\u0131rd\u0131m.
\nP\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259ni ba\u011flamaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn \u0259limi d\u0259st\u0259y\u0259 uzatd\u0131m. T\u0259xmin\u0259n on-on iki ya\u015flar\u0131nda bir u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n \u0259lind\u0259 zanbaq d\u0259st\u0259si binaya yax\u0131nla\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Binaya daxil olma\u011f\u0131 il\u0259 t\u0259rk etm\u0259yi bir ne\u00e7\u0259 d\u0259qiq\u0259 \u00e7\u0259kdi. Bir q\u0259d\u0259r t\u0259\u0259cc\u00fcbl\u0259ns\u0259m d\u0259, g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259dim.
\n\u00d6z\u00fcm\u00fc qaydaya sal\u0131b masam\u0131n arxas\u0131na ke\u00e7dim. Q\u0259rib\u0259 d\u0259 olsa, s\u0259birsizlikl\u0259 katib\u0259mi g\u00f6zl\u0259m\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flad\u0131m. \u00d6z\u00fcn\u00fc \u00e7ox g\u00f6zl\u0259tm\u0259di. \u018flind\u0259 zanbaq d\u0259st\u0259si il\u0259 i\u00e7\u0259ri daxil oldu. G\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259y\u0259r\u0259k:
\n\u2500Af\u0259t xan\u0131m, bu zanbaqlar\u0131 siz\u0259 g\u00f6nd\u0259ribl\u0259r,\u2013dedi.
\n\u00c7i\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259ri g\u00fcldana qoymaq ist\u0259rk\u0259n:
\n\u2500Narahat olma, s\u0259n i\u015fin\u0259 davam et! \u2013dedim.
\nQ\u0131z \u00f6zl\u00fcy\u00fcnd\u0259 n\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrd\u00fc bilmir\u0259m, bu m\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn he\u00e7 maraql\u0131 da deyildi, bir anl\u0131q n\u0259z\u0259rl\u0259rini \u00fcz\u00fcmd\u0259 g\u0259zdirdikd\u0259n sonra otaqdan \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131. Q\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 v\u0259 a\u00e7\u0131q \u00e7\u0259hray\u0131 zanbaqlar\u0131n aras\u0131ndak\u0131 bir sar\u0131 zanba\u011f\u0131n da \u00f6z m\u0259nas\u0131 vard\u0131. <\/p>\n

…\u0130lk tan\u0131\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n gec\u0259si s\u0259h\u0259r\u0259 kimi onu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015f, x\u0259yal\u0131mda onunla s\u00f6hb\u0259tl\u0259\u015fmi\u015fdim. S\u0259h\u0259ri q\u0259sd\u0259n, bil\u0259r\u0259kd\u0259n yen\u0259 yolumu d\u0259niz k\u0259nara salark\u0259n m\u0259qs\u0259dim bir daha onunla rastla\u015fa bilm\u0259k ehtimal\u0131 olsa da, bu g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f ba\u015f verm\u0259mi\u015fdi. Bir ne\u00e7\u0259 g\u00fcn n\u0259z\u0259rl\u0259rim h\u0259r yerd\u0259 onu g\u0259zs\u0259 d\u0259, sonunda m\u0259nas\u0131z yer\u0259 \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fcy\u00fcm\u00fc d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcb, t\u0259\u0259ss\u00fcfl\u0259nm\u0259kd\u0259n ba\u015fqa \u00e7ar\u0259min olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlad\u0131m. Amma q\u0259lbimin d\u0259rinlikl\u0259rind\u0259 bir \u00fcmid z\u0259rr\u0259si qalmaqda idi. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr v\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc inand\u0131rma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m ki, \u201cBak\u0131 el\u0259 d\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fck \u015f\u0259h\u0259r deyil! D\u0259nizi \u00e7ox sevdiyini deyirdi, dem\u0259k ki, n\u0259 vaxtsa g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fm\u0259k ehtimal\u0131 m\u00fctl\u0259qdir!\u201d
\nG\u00fcnl\u0259r ke\u00e7dikc\u0259 \u00fcmidim getdikc\u0259 azal\u0131rd\u0131. Bu aralar n\u0259n\u0259min ad\u0259t\u0259n h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 dediyi s\u00f6zl\u0259ri sanki \u0259vv\u0259ll\u0259r oldu\u011fundan daha \u00e7ox e\u015fitm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flam\u0131\u015fd\u0131m:
\n\u2500\u018fg\u0259r qism\u0259td\u0259 varsa, qism\u0259t \u00f6z\u00fc g\u0259lib s\u0259ni tapacaq. Yoxdursa, arxas\u0131yca n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r qa\u00e7san da, xeyri yoxdur, s\u0259nin olmayacaq!
\n\u2500N\u0259 etm\u0259li? Dem\u0259k ki, qism\u0259t deyilmi\u015f!\u2013s\u00f6zl\u0259rini t\u0259krarlamaqdan, \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 t\u0259s\u0259lli verm\u0259kd\u0259n ba\u015fqa \u0259limd\u0259n g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259k he\u00e7 n\u0259 yox idi.
\n\u0130\u00e7imd\u0259ki \u00fcmid azalmaqda, tamamil\u0259 s\u00f6nm\u0259kd\u0259 idi. Son vaxtlar d\u0259rs\u0259 getm\u0259zd\u0259n \u0259vv\u0259l yolumu d\u0259niz k\u0259nar\u0131ndan salsam da, n\u0259d\u0259ns\u0259 \u00e7ox l\u0259ngimirdim, ax\u015famlar is\u0259 birba\u015f ev\u0259 gedirdim. Anam, n\u0259n\u0259m bel\u0259, dal\u011f\u0131n oldu\u011fumun f\u0259rqin\u0259 varm\u0131\u015fd\u0131lar. N\u0259n\u0259min:
\n\u2500Haran a\u011fr\u0131y\u0131r, ay bala? \u2013s\u00f6zl\u0259rin\u0259 cavab verm\u0259m\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn d\u0259rsl\u0259rin \u00e7oxlu\u011funu v\u0259 yoruldu\u011fumu b\u0259han\u0259 g\u0259tir\u0259rdim.
\nEvd\u0259n bay\u0131ra \u00e7\u0131xma\u011fa da h\u0259v\u0259sim olmurdu son vaxtlar. El\u0259c\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 qapan\u0131b d\u0259rsl\u0259rimi oxumaqla, m\u00fctali\u0259 etm\u0259kl\u0259 g\u00fcnl\u0259rimi yola verirdim.
\n\u2500S\u0259n\u0259 nolub? Ax\u0131r vaxtlar he\u00e7 evd\u0259n bay\u0131ra da \u00e7\u0131xmaq ist\u0259mirs\u0259n, \u2013anam h\u0259min g\u00fcn dedi,\u2013Bay\u0131rda yax\u015f\u0131 hava var, Aynuru da g\u00f6t\u00fcr, get bir az g\u0259z-dolan. Evd\u0259 oturmaqdan r\u0259ngin d\u0259 saral\u0131b.
\n\u2500Aynur kimdi? \u2013N\u0259n\u0259m tez dill\u0259ndi.
\n\u2500Qon\u015funun q\u0131z\u0131d\u0131r, \u2013anam cavab verdi.
\n\u2500R\u0259fiq\u0259sidir? \u2013n\u0259n\u0259m soru\u015fdu. Naraz\u0131 halda ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 yell\u0259yib s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 davam etdi, \u2013M\u0259nd\u0259n s\u0259n\u0259 m\u0259sl\u0259h\u0259t: Af\u0259t, bu d\u00fcnyada \u00f6z\u00fcnd\u0259n ba\u015fqa he\u00e7 kim\u0259 inanma! R\u0259fiq\u0259 yoxdur indiki zamanda! Yax\u015f\u0131 q\u0131z\u0131n r\u0259fiq\u0259si olmaz!
\nN\u0259n\u0259min bu s\u00f6zl\u0259ri dem\u0259diyi g\u00fcn olmazd\u0131. Onsuz da r\u0259fiq\u0259m yox idi. T\u0259k-t\u0259nha g\u0259zib dolanma\u011fa v\u0259rdi\u015f etmi\u015fdim.
\nBac\u0131m ke\u00e7\u0259n yay ail\u0259 qurub \u00f6z evin\u0259 k\u00f6\u00e7d\u00fckd\u0259n sonra \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc t\u0259nha hiss etm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flam\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. H\u0259r x\u0131rda \u015fey \u00fcst\u00fcnd\u0259 m\u00fcbahis\u0259 etm\u0259yimiz\u0259 baxmayaraq, iki ya\u015fl\u0131 qad\u0131ndan f\u0259rqli olaraq, onunla daha rahat s\u00f6hb\u0259t ed\u0259, fikirl\u0259rimi, hissl\u0259rimi b\u00f6l\u00fc\u015f\u0259 bilirdim. Dar\u0131x\u0131rd\u0131m onun\u00e7\u00fcn. Telefonla \u0259laq\u0259 saxlama\u011f\u0131m\u0131za baxmayaraq, gec-gec g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u0259rdik. Anamla n\u0259n\u0259min \u201c\u018fr\u0259 ged\u0259n q\u0131z g\u00fcnd\u0259 ana evin\u0259 g\u0259lm\u0259z; \u00f6z evind\u0259 \u00f6z oca\u011f\u0131n\u0131n istisini qoruyar\u201d s\u00f6zl\u0259ri bac\u0131m\u0131n d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259l\u0259rin\u0259, g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr, daha \u00e7ox t\u0259sir etmi\u015fdi.
\nQad\u0131nlar\u0131n m\u0259i\u015f\u0259t qay\u011f\u0131lar\u0131 v\u0259 evdarl\u0131q s\u00f6hb\u0259tl\u0259ri m\u0259ni s\u0131xd\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan anam\u0131n m\u0259sl\u0259h\u0259tin\u0259 \u0259m\u0259l edib qap\u0131dan \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131m. Ged\u0259c\u0259yim yer m\u0259lum idi.
\nBir q\u0259d\u0259r s\u0259rin olmas\u0131na baxmayaraq, hava h\u0259qiq\u0259t\u0259n \u00e7ox g\u00f6z\u0259l idi bu g\u00fcn.
\nPay\u0131z\u0131 yazdan daha \u00e7ox sevirdim. Dig\u0259r \u00fc\u00e7 f\u0259sild\u0259 bir-birin\u0259 b\u0259nz\u0259y\u0259n t\u0259bi\u0259t, m\u0259hz pay\u0131zda daha f\u0259rqli, daha \u0259lvan, r\u0259ngar\u0259ng libaslara b\u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fcr. H\u0259r bitkinin, h\u0259r a\u011fac\u0131n \u00f6z g\u00f6z\u0259lliyi oldu\u011fu kimi, pay\u0131zda b\u00fcr\u00fcnd\u00fcy\u00fc don da f\u0259rqlidir, ax\u0131, bir-biril\u0259rin\u0259 b\u0259nz\u0259m\u0259zl\u0259r.
\nD\u0259nizin soyuq havas\u0131, k\u00fcl\u0259yi \u00fcz\u00fcm\u0259 toxunduqca pay\u0131z\u0131n n\u0259f\u0259sini a\u00e7\u0131q-a\u015fkar hiss edirdim. \u00dc\u015f\u00fcm\u00fcrd\u00fcm, \u0259ksin\u0259, xo\u015fuma g\u0259lirdi. Aya\u011f\u0131m alt\u0131nda qal\u0131b x\u0131\u015f\u0131ldayan x\u0259z\u0259l, d\u0259nizin v\u0259 x\u0259fif k\u00fcl\u0259yin s\u0259si sanki m\u0259n\u0259 h\u0259zin hekay\u0259 dan\u0131\u015fmaqda idi. Yorulmadan dinl\u0259y\u0259 bil\u0259rdim. Xeyli vaxtd\u0131 d\u0259niziml\u0259 bel\u0259 yax\u0131n olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc q\u0131nad\u0131m. \u00d6z\u00fcm\u0259, qism\u0259tim\u0259 olan k\u00fcsk\u00fcnl\u00fcy\u00fcm, incikliyim d\u0259niz\u0259 olan sevgim\u0259 d\u0259 t\u0259sirsiz \u00f6t\u00fc\u015fm\u0259mi\u015fdi.
\nN\u0259z\u0259rl\u0259rimi ay\u0131rmadan d\u0259niz\u0259 bax\u0131rd\u0131m. Son bir ayda d\u0259yi\u015fildiyimin f\u0259rqind\u0259 idim. H\u0259tta d\u0259niziml\u0259 d\u0259 s\u00f6hb\u0259t etm\u0259k, d\u0259rdl\u0259\u015fm\u0259k ist\u0259mirdim.
\nBir anl\u0131q beynimd\u0259n bir fikir g\u0259lib ke\u00e7di:
\n\u2500G\u00f6r\u0259s\u0259n, do\u011frudan intihar etm\u0259k ist\u0259s\u0259m, m\u0259ni xilas ed\u0259rdi? G\u0259l\u0259c\u0259yin\u0259 \u0259min olsayd\u0131m, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u0259d\u0259n \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc d\u0259niz\u0259 atar, m\u0259ni xilas etm\u0259sini ist\u0259rdim. Amma yox…
\nQ\u0259lbimd\u0259 yaranan bu q\u0259fil ist\u0259k m\u0259ni daha art\u0131q d\u0259niz\u0259 yax\u0131nla\u015fd\u0131r\u0131rd\u0131.
\n\u2500Hava soyuq oldu\u011fundan d\u0259nizin suyu da \u00e7ox soyuqdur. S\u0259t\u0259lc\u0259m olmaq ist\u0259m\u0259zdim…
\nC\u0259mi birc\u0259 d\u0259f\u0259 e\u015fitdiyim bu s\u0259s nec\u0259 d\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 tan\u0131\u015f idi. Diksinib geri \u00e7evrildim. O idi! \u00d6z\u00fc idi! M\u00fclki geyimd\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131mda dayanm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. G\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259yib \u0259lini aln\u0131na aparmaqla m\u0259ni salamlad\u0131. Dem\u0259y\u0259 s\u00f6z\u00fcm yox idi. Q\u0259fil, he\u00e7 g\u00f6zl\u0259m\u0259diyim bir anda yenid\u0259n peyda olmu\u015fdu.
\n\u2500\u00dcmid edir\u0259m ki, bu d\u0259f\u0259 d\u0259 intihar etm\u0259k fikrin yoxdur.
\nG\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259dim. Bu g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u0259 sevindiyim q\u0259d\u0259r he\u00e7 n\u0259y\u0259 sevinm\u0259mi\u015fdim \u00f6mr\u00fcmd\u0259 b\u0259lk\u0259. G\u00f6zl\u0259rinin i\u00e7in\u0259 baxma\u011fa \u00e7\u0259kinmirdim, deyil\u0259c\u0259k o q\u0259d\u0259r s\u00f6z\u00fcm var ik\u0259n, susurdum. Tan\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir insana ill\u0259rl\u0259 tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m biri kimi sar\u0131lmaq, boynunu qucaqlamaq ist\u0259yirdim. Hardan idi m\u0259nd\u0259 ona qar\u015f\u0131 bu q\u0259d\u0259r do\u011fmal\u0131q…
\n\u2500D\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc deyim?
\n\u2500T\u0259bii ki! \u2013dey\u0259r\u0259k g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259di.
\n\u2500Bu g\u00fcn h\u0259qiq\u0259t\u0259n, bir anl\u0131\u011fa da olsa, \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc d\u0259niz\u0259 atmaq fikri ke\u00e7di beynimd\u0259n.
\n\u2500B\u0259s niy\u0259 etm\u0259din? \u2013m\u00fclayim s\u0259sl\u0259 soru\u015fdu.
\nG\u00f6zl\u0259rinin i\u00e7in\u0259 bax\u0131b b\u00fct\u00fcn d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fckl\u0259rimi ona dem\u0259k ist\u0259s\u0259m d\u0259, susdum:
\n\u2500…
\n\u2500H\u0259, \u0259lb\u0259tt\u0259, g\u00fcnd\u00fcz vaxt\u0131, ham\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6z\u00fc qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda bunu etm\u0259y\u0259 c\u0259sar\u0259tin \u00e7atmad\u0131 dem\u0259k! H\u0259qiq\u0259t\u0259n, q\u0131z deyils\u0259n, ba\u015f b\u0259las\u0131san!\u2013deyib g\u00fcld\u00fc.
\nG\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259dim. G\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f\u00fc d\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fc kimi g\u00f6z\u0259l v\u0259 f\u0259rqli idi.
\nFikrimd\u0259n ke\u00e7\u0259n suallara \u00f6z\u00fc cavab verdi:
\n\u2500Ne\u00e7\u0259 vaxtd\u0131 \u015f\u0259h\u0259rd\u0259 yox idim. \u0130\u015fl\u0259 \u0259laq\u0259dar ezam olunmu\u015fdum. D\u00fcn\u0259n g\u00fcnortadan ke\u00e7mi\u015f g\u0259lmi\u015f\u0259m. Bir az rahatlan\u0131b dinc\u0259ldikd\u0259n sonra d\u0259niz q\u0131ra\u011f\u0131na g\u0259ldim. D\u0259nizin havas\u0131 daha rahat yuxuya getm\u0259yim\u0259 s\u0259b\u0259b olur. Bu g\u00fcn d\u0259 bazar g\u00fcn\u00fc oldu\u011fundan, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm, bir az g\u0259zib dola\u015f\u0131m. Sabah tezd\u0259n i\u015fd\u0259 olacam.
\nG\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259dim. Beynimd\u0259 g\u00fcnl\u0259rl\u0259 dola\u015fan suallar\u0131ma \u00f6z dilind\u0259n e\u015fitdiyim cavab i\u00e7imi rahatlam\u0131\u015fd\u0131.
\n\u2500S\u0259nd\u0259n bir \u015fey xahi\u015f ets\u0259m…
\n\u00dcz\u00fcmd\u0259ki t\u0259b\u0259ss\u00fcm d\u0259rhal ciddi ifad\u0259 il\u0259 \u0259v\u0259z olundu.
\n\u2500Yanl\u0131\u015f anlama… \u018fg\u0259r vaxt\u0131n varsa, s\u0259ni m\u0259niml\u0259 bir yerd\u0259 oturub bir st\u0259kan \u00e7ay i\u00e7m\u0259y\u0259 d\u0259v\u0259t etm\u0259k ist\u0259yir\u0259m. \u015e\u0259h\u0259r\u0259 yeni g\u0259lmi\u015f\u0259m, he\u00e7 bir dostuma, tan\u0131\u015f\u0131ma da qay\u0131td\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 x\u0259b\u0259r etm\u0259mi\u015f\u0259m.
\nN\u0259 dey\u0259c\u0259yimi, t\u0259klifi r\u0259dd edib, ya q\u0259bul etm\u0259li oldu\u011fuma q\u0259rar ver\u0259 bilmirdim. \u00d6zl\u00fcy\u00fcmd\u0259 q\u0259bul ed\u0259rs\u0259m, haqq\u0131mda n\u0259l\u0259ri d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u0259 bil\u0259c\u0259yi fikri, r\u0259dd ed\u0259rs\u0259m, bir daha onunla g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fm\u0259y\u0259 bil\u0259c\u0259yim fikri il\u0259 qar\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015fd\u0131.
\n\u2500…
\n\u2500Anlay\u0131ram… Narahat olma, israr etm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259m. \u00dczrl\u00fc bil! \u2013deyib \u00fczrxahl\u0131q etdi.
\nG\u00fcnl\u0259rl\u0259 arzulad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bu g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f idi. T\u0259klifi q\u0259bul etm\u0259yi \u0259n do\u011fru q\u0259rar hesab edirdim. G\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259yib:
\n\u2500T\u0259klifi q\u0259bul edir\u0259m. \u2013dedim.
\nT\u0259klifini q\u0259bul etdiyim\u0259 pe\u015fman deyildim. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcy\u00fcmd\u0259n, t\u0259xmin etdiyimd\u0259n d\u0259 maraql\u0131, son d\u0259r\u0259c\u0259 n\u0259zak\u0259tli, m\u0259d\u0259ni, y\u00fcks\u0259k intellektual s\u0259viyy\u0259si olan bir insan idi. Maraql\u0131 m\u00f6vzular \u0259traf\u0131nda s\u00f6hb\u0259t v\u0259 m\u00fczakir\u0259 o q\u0259d\u0259r xo\u015f t\u0259sir ba\u011f\u0131\u015flam\u0131\u015fd\u0131 ki m\u0259n\u0259, zaman\u0131n nec\u0259 ke\u00e7diyinin f\u0259rqin\u0259 bel\u0259 varmam\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. On be\u015f-iyirmi d\u0259qiq\u0259 z\u0259nn etdiyim g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f, \u0259slind\u0259 \u00fc\u00e7 saatdan \u00e7ox idi davam edirdi. Telefonuna g\u0259l\u0259n z\u0259ng s\u00f6hb\u0259timizi yar\u0131 b\u00f6ld\u00fc. Masadan qalxmadan \u00fczr ist\u0259yib z\u0259ng\u0259 cavab verm\u0259li oldu\u011funu bildirdi. N\u0259 deyim, d\u00fcz\u00fc, z\u0259ng g\u0259ldiyi an fikrimd\u0259n n\u0259l\u0259r g\u0259lib ke\u00e7di,bir Allah bilir. Z\u0259ng ed\u0259nin sevgilisi ola bil\u0259c\u0259yini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcy\u00fcm an is\u0259 i\u00e7imi q\u0259rib\u0259 q\u0131sqancl\u0131q hissi b\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc. N\u0259 ba\u015f verirdi? K\u0259nardan \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc g\u00f6rm\u0259k ist\u0259rdim bu an. \u201cG\u00f6r\u0259s\u0259n \u00fcz\u00fcmd\u0259ki ifad\u0259d\u0259n n\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcy\u00fcm hiss olunmur ki\u201d fikri m\u0259ni narahat etm\u0259kd\u0259 idi. G\u00f6zl\u0259rimin i\u00e7in\u0259 bax\u0131b g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259di. El\u0259 ilk s\u00f6zd\u0259n, dan\u0131\u015f\u0131q t\u0259rzind\u0259n z\u0259ngin i\u015fl\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 oldu\u011funu anlad\u0131m. N\u0259f\u0259simi \u00e7\u0259kib dayand\u0131\u011f\u0131mdan indi rahatlad\u0131m.
\nBax\u0131\u015flar\u0131n\u0131n \u00fcz\u00fcmd\u0259, sa\u00e7lar\u0131mda, h\u0259tta \u0259ll\u0259rimd\u0259 g\u0259zdiyini bel\u0259 hiss etm\u0259kd\u0259 idim. G\u00f6r\u0259s\u0259n m\u0259nd\u0259n xo\u015fu g\u0259lirdimi? Niy\u0259 d\u0259 yox?! Qrupun \u0259n g\u00f6z\u0259l q\u0131z\u0131 idim! M\u0259ni b\u0259y\u0259nm\u0259m\u0259si \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn s\u0259b\u0259b g\u00f6rm\u00fcrd\u00fcm!
\nTelefonun ekran\u0131ndak\u0131 saata, sonra g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn i\u00e7in\u0259 bax\u0131b:
\n\u2500Y\u0259qin ki evd\u0259kil\u0259r s\u0259nd\u0259n nigaran qal\u0131blar. Qalxsaq yax\u015f\u0131d\u0131r,\u2013deyib \u0259li il\u0259 yax\u0131nl\u0131qdak\u0131 ofisianta i\u015far\u0259 etdi.\u2013Z\u0259hm\u0259t olmasa, hesab\u0131 g\u0259tirin.
\nYolumuzu d\u0259nizk\u0259nar\u0131ndan sald\u0131q. D\u0259niz bax\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n paylasd\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00fcmumi m\u0259kan idi. \u018fslind\u0259 is\u0259, fikrim d\u0259nizin mavi sular\u0131nda, a\u011f k\u00f6p\u00fckl\u00fc l\u0259p\u0259l\u0259rind\u0259 deyildi he\u00e7.
\nG\u00fcnd\u00fcz olmas\u0131na, havan\u0131n qaralmamas\u0131na baxmayaraq, \u0259n\u0259n\u0259sin\u0259 sadiq qal\u0131b yen\u0259 d\u0259 m\u0259ni \u0259vv\u0259lki qayda il\u0259 ev\u0259 \u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fc. \u0130lk g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm\u00fczd\u0259 dayand\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z a\u011fac\u0131n yan\u0131nda yen\u0259 d\u0259 xudahafizl\u0259\u015fdi:
\n\u2500G\u00f6z\u0259l v\u0259 maraql\u0131 g\u00fcn \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn s\u0259n\u0259 minn\u0259tdarl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 bildirm\u0259k ist\u0259rdim.
\n\u2500M\u0259n\u0259 d\u0259 \u00e7ox xo\u015f oldu,\u2013dey\u0259 g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259rk\u0259n q\u0259sd\u0259n n\u0259z\u0259rl\u0259rimi \u00fcz\u00fcnd\u0259n ay\u0131rm\u0131rd\u0131m.
\nBir q\u0259d\u0259r susdu. N\u0259 is\u0259 dem\u0259k ist\u0259diyini, son anda fikrind\u0259n vaz ke\u00e7diyini hiss etdim. \u00d6zl\u00fcy\u00fcmd\u0259 n\u0259 dey\u0259 bil\u0259c\u0259yini ehtimal edirdim.
\n\u2500Yax\u015f\u0131… Qorxub \u00e7\u0259kinm\u0259d\u0259n birba\u015f ev\u0259!
\nEvimizin qap\u0131s\u0131na yax\u0131nla\u015f\u0131b i\u00e7\u0259ri ke\u00e7m\u0259zd\u0259n \u0259vv\u0259l bir daha boyland\u0131m. Xeyli aral\u0131da, lakin g\u00f6r\u0259 bildiyim bir yerd\u0259 dayan\u0131b m\u0259ni izl\u0259yirdi. Xo\u015fb\u0259xtlikd\u0259n qanad a\u00e7\u0131b u\u00e7ma\u011fa haz\u0131r idim, s\u0259mada s\u00fcz\u0259n a\u011f g\u00f6y\u0259r\u00e7in kimi hiss edirdim \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc.
\n\u2500S\u0259n\u0259 el\u0259 b\u0259han\u0259 laz\u0131m imi\u015f ki evd\u0259n ba\u015f g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcb getm\u0259y\u0259! Ne\u00e7\u0259 saatd\u0131r hardasan? Get, g\u0259z-dolan dedim. Day dem\u0259dim ki, get, bir d\u0259 ax\u015fam g\u0259l, \u2013anam deyinm\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn yeni bir s\u0259b\u0259b tapd\u0131 say\u0259md\u0259.
\nM\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn is\u0259 f\u0259rqi yox idi. \u0130ndi he\u00e7 k\u0259s, h\u0259tta anam\u0131n danlaqlar\u0131, t\u0259nbehi bel\u0259 kefimi poza bilm\u0259zdi. Xo\u015fb\u0259xt idim! \u00c7ox xo\u015fb\u0259xt idim.
\nXo\u015fb\u0259xtliyim uzun s\u00fcrm\u0259di amma. Ayr\u0131lark\u0259n sad\u0259c\u0259 xudahafizl\u0259\u015fdiyimizi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcy\u00fcm an kefim pozuldu. Yoxsa yeni g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm\u00fcz d\u0259 t\u0259sad\u00fcf\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 olacaqd\u0131? Bu t\u0259sad\u00fcf olmasa b\u0259s? \u00d6z-\u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 \u201cAtalar \u00fc\u00e7d\u0259n deyib\u201d misal\u0131n\u0131 t\u0259krarlad\u0131m. \u018fg\u0259r h\u0259yat bizi iki d\u0259f\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131la\u015fd\u0131r\u0131bsa, dem\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc d\u0259f\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fm\u0259k ehtimal\u0131m\u0131z da vard\u0131.
\nBu \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f is\u0259, n\u0259 az, n\u0259 \u00e7ox, iyirmi bir g\u00fcn sonra ba\u015f tutdu. Soyuq v\u0259 \u015faxtal\u0131 g\u00fcnl\u0259rin birind\u0259.
\nUniversitetin qap\u0131s\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131\u011f\u0131m an \u00fcz\u00fcm\u0259 toxunan soyuq hava cismiml\u0259 b\u0259rab\u0259r ruhumu da titr\u0259tdi sanki. G\u00f6d\u0259k\u00e7\u0259min papa\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ba\u015f\u0131ma ke\u00e7irib \u0259ll\u0259rimi cibim\u0259 sald\u0131m, iti add\u0131mlarla ev\u0259 t\u0259l\u0259sdim.
\nArxadan g\u0259l\u0259n ayaq s\u0259sl\u0259ri diqq\u0259timi \u00e7\u0259ks\u0259 d\u0259, he\u00e7 n\u0259y\u0259, he\u00e7 kim\u0259 fikir vermirdim, t\u0259k ist\u0259yim \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc ev\u0259 yetirm\u0259k, isti \u00e7ay i\u00e7ib n\u0259s\u0259 yem\u0259k idi. G\u00f6r\u0259s\u0259n, anam n\u0259 haz\u0131rlam\u0131\u015fd\u0131 indi?
\nHava qarald\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn, d\u00fcz\u00fc, i\u00e7im\u0259 vahim\u0259 dolma\u011fa ba\u015flay\u0131rd\u0131. Qaranl\u0131q v\u0259 dar k\u00fc\u00e7\u0259l\u0259rd\u0259n i\u015f\u0131ql\u0131, daha \u00e7ox gedi\u015f-g\u0259li\u015f olan k\u00fc\u00e7\u0259l\u0259rl\u0259 getm\u0259k daha m\u00fcnasib idi. He\u00e7 k\u0259sd\u0259n qorxmamaq h\u00fcn\u0259r deyil, ehtiyat\u0131 da \u0259ld\u0259n verm\u0259k olmaz, deyir n\u0259n\u0259m. Onu q\u0131nam\u0131ram, anamla b\u0259rab\u0259r o q\u0259d\u0259r kriminal verili\u015fl\u0259r\u0259, cinay\u0259t i\u015fl\u0259rin\u0259 bax\u0131rlar ki, h\u0259r k\u0259sd\u0259, h\u0259r yerd\u0259 t\u0259hl\u00fck\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fcr, h\u0259r i\u015fin i\u00e7ind\u0259 cinay\u0259t t\u0259rkibi axtar\u0131rlar.
\nS\u0259kil\u0259rd\u0259 uzanan k\u00f6lg\u0259 v\u0259 yax\u0131nla\u015fmaqda olan ayaq s\u0259sl\u0259ri birisinin m\u0259n\u0259 \u00e7atmaq ist\u0259diyin\u0259 olan \u015f\u00fcbh\u0259l\u0259rimi t\u0259sdiql\u0259di. T\u0259qib edilirdim. Arxaya \u00e7evrilm\u0259d\u0259n daha iri add\u0131mlarla yerim\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flad\u0131m. \u00c7antamda kitablar\u0131mdan d\u0259y\u0259rli onsuz da he\u00e7 n\u0259 yox idi.
\nYax\u0131nla\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131 an qolumdan tutub saxlad\u0131:
\n\u2500Arada bir n\u0259f\u0259sini d\u0259r! Bel\u0259 iti add\u0131mlarla yeris\u0259n h\u0259rb\u00e7il\u0259r d\u0259 s\u0259n\u0259 \u00e7\u0259tin yeti\u015f\u0259 bil\u0259.
\nG\u00f6zl\u0259m\u0259diyim halda Rauf yen\u0259 d\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131ma \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131 bu g\u00fcn. G\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259yib onun salam\u0131n\u0131 ald\u0131m.
\nBir him\u0259 b\u0259nd imi\u015f kimi ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 bulay\u0131b gileyl\u0259ndi:
\n\u2500Bu c\u00fcr soyuqda, a\u00e7\u0131q havada dayan\u0131b kimins\u0259 d\u0259rsd\u0259n \u00e7\u0131xma\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6zl\u0259y\u0259s\u0259n, o da s\u0259n\u0259 \u0259h\u0259miyy\u0259t verm\u0259d\u0259n yan\u0131ndan \u00f6t\u00fcb ke\u00e7\u0259…
\n\u2500M\u0259ni g\u00f6zl\u0259mis\u0259n? Harada? M\u0259n s\u0259ni g\u00f6rm\u0259dim, ax\u0131, qap\u0131dan \u00e7\u0131xanda…
\n\u2500Aral\u0131da dayanm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. Qrup yolda\u015flar\u0131n\u0131n yan\u0131nda s\u0259n\u0259 yax\u0131nla\u015fmaq ist\u0259m\u0259dim. Daha m\u00fcnasib zaman\u0131 g\u00f6zl\u0259dim. Yoxsa qorxutdum s\u0259ni?
\n\u2500Bir az…
\n\u2500\u00dczrl\u00fc bil. \u0130st\u0259m\u0259zdim.
\n\u2500Bu d\u0259f\u0259 g\u00fcnah\u0131ndan ke\u00e7dim!\u2013deyib g\u00fcld\u00fcm.
\n\u0130slanm\u0131\u015f sa\u00e7lar\u0131ma, \u00fcz\u00fcm\u0259 n\u0259z\u0259r sal\u0131b he\u00e7 bir s\u00f6z dem\u0259d\u0259n g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259yirdi. Yen\u0259 d\u0259 m\u0259n dill\u0259ndim:
\n\u2500\u00c7ox g\u00f6zl\u0259din?
\nSaat\u0131na bax\u0131b ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 t\u0259rp\u0259tdi:
\n\u2500H\u0259, bir saat on s\u0259kkiz d\u0259qiq\u0259, \u2013dedi.
\n\u2500Nec\u0259 tapd\u0131n m\u0259ni? \u2013sual\u0131 \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 d\u0259 yersiz g\u00f6r\u00fcnd\u00fc. Ax\u0131, el\u0259 ilk g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fd\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc t\u0259qdim etmi\u015fdim.
\nG\u00f6z vurub dedi:
\n\u2500H\u0259rbi sirl\u0259r s\u00f6yl\u0259nilm\u0259z!
\n\u2500Ayd\u0131nd\u0131!
\nT\u0259kc\u0259 m\u0259ni g\u00f6rm\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn saatlarla soyu\u011fun alt\u0131nda dayan\u0131b g\u00f6zl\u0259y\u0259n zabitin f\u0259dakarl\u0131\u011f\u0131 ona olan r\u0259\u011fb\u0259timi daha da art\u0131rm\u0131\u015f oldu.
\nBu g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f m\u00fcnasib\u0259tl\u0259rimizin ba\u015flan\u011f\u0131c\u0131 oldu \u0259slind\u0259. Q\u0131\u015f\u0131n soyu\u011funa, \u015faxtas\u0131na, h\u0259tta qarl\u0131 havaya bel\u0259 baxmadan vaxt tap\u0131b istirah\u0259t g\u00fcnl\u0259rind\u0259, b\u0259z\u0259n is\u0259 h\u0259ft\u0259 i\u00e7i g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrd\u00fck. K\u00fcl\u0259kli v\u0259 \u015faxtal\u0131 havalar bizi qorxutmurdu. Yan\u0131mda m\u0259n\u0259 bigan\u0259 olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hiss etdir\u0259n do\u011fma bir insan, soyuq havada \u0259limi tutub ovcunda isid\u0259n bir \u0259l var ik\u0259n, b\u00fct\u00fcn d\u00fcnya g\u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259 deyildi.
\nRauf tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m insanlar\u0131n he\u00e7 birin\u0259 b\u0259nz\u0259mirdi, tamamil\u0259 f\u0259rqli idi. Xasiyy\u0259ti, davran\u0131\u015f\u0131, m\u00fchakim\u0259l\u0259ri, d\u00fcnyag\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fc il\u0259 h\u0259r k\u0259sd\u0259n se\u00e7il\u0259 bilirdi. M\u0259n\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131 is\u0259 son d\u0259r\u0259c\u0259 diqq\u0259tli idi. H\u0259r zaman qay\u011f\u0131 v\u0259 diqq\u0259tini hiss ed\u0259rdim. H\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u0259 g\u0259l\u0259nd\u0259 m\u00fctl\u0259q m\u0259n\u0259 bir \u00e7i\u00e7\u0259k g\u0259tir\u0259rdi. Pis \u00f6yr\u0259tmi\u015fdi m\u0259ni. H\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259 \u0259lind\u0259 \u00e7i\u00e7\u0259k g\u00f6rd\u00fcy\u00fcm\u0259 ad\u0259t etdiyimd\u0259n, i\u015fd\u0259n \u00e7\u0131x\u0131b g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm\u0259 t\u0259l\u0259sdiyi bir yaz g\u00fcn\u00fcnd\u0259 \u0259libo\u015f g\u00f6r\u00fcb \u201c\u00c7i\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259rim han\u0131?\u201d \u2013dey\u0259 a\u011f\u0131z b\u00fczm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcm.
\n\u018flini burnuma toxundurub g\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f, sonra yar\u0131ciddi ifad\u0259 il\u0259 demi\u015fdi:
\n\u2500B\u00fct\u00fcn qad\u0131nlar bel\u0259dir e! Bir d\u0259f\u0259 \u0259libo\u015f g\u0259ldins\u0259, v\u0259ssalam…
\nZarafatla dediyini bils\u0259m d\u0259, h\u0259min d\u0259qiq\u0259 s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 \u00e7ox p\u0259rt olmu\u015fdum. \u018fslind\u0259 is\u0259, onun varl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan d\u0259y\u0259rli he\u00e7 n\u0259 yox idi m\u0259nim\u00e7\u00fcn. \u00d6z\u00fc bunu bilirdi, ax\u0131. \u0130ncikliyimi a\u00e7\u0131q-a\u015fkar b\u0259lli etm\u0259kd\u0259 idim. N\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcs\u0259 q\u0259fil aya\u011fa qalxd\u0131. Bayaqdan b\u0259ri g\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc zill\u0259diyi \u00e7i\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259r\u0259 yax\u0131nla\u015f\u0131b, \u0259lin\u0259 ke\u00e7\u0259n zanbaqlardan birini q\u0131r\u0131b yan\u0131ma qay\u0131td\u0131. \u00c7\u0259hray\u0131 r\u0259ngli zanba\u011f\u0131 m\u0259n\u0259 n\u0259zak\u0259tl\u0259 t\u0259qdim etdiyi an, g\u00f6zl\u0259nilm\u0259d\u0259n bir polis biz\u0259 yax\u0131nla\u015fd\u0131. M\u0259n\u0259, \u0259limd\u0259ki zanba\u011fa n\u0259z\u0259r sald\u0131. Bir ne\u00e7\u0259 add\u0131m aralan\u0131b i\u015far\u0259 il\u0259 Raufu \u00f6z yan\u0131na \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131.
\nM\u0259nim ucbat\u0131mdan Raufun b\u0259laya d\u00fc\u015f\u0259c\u0259yini g\u00f6r\u00fcb h\u0259y\u0259canlanmaya bilmirdim. Aya\u011fa qalxd\u0131m. Polis\u0259 h\u0259r \u015feyi izah etm\u0259k, g\u00fcnah\u0131n m\u0259nd\u0259 oldu\u011funu bildirm\u0259k ist\u0259yirdim.
\n\u0130mkan verm\u0259di:
\n\u2500Narahat olma, otur, indi qay\u0131d\u0131ram,\u2013deyib aral\u0131da dayanm\u0131\u015f polis\u0259 yax\u0131nla\u015fd\u0131.
\n\u00d6z\u00fcm\u00fc g\u00fcnahkar hiss edirdim. Onu bu \u0259m\u0259l\u0259 m\u0259n vadar etmi\u015fdim dey\u0259, \u00e7ox dilxor idim. N\u0259 dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131qlar\u0131n\u0131 e\u015fid\u0259 bilm\u0259s\u0259m d\u0259, n\u0259z\u0259rl\u0259rimi d\u0259 ay\u0131rm\u0131rd\u0131m. Cibind\u0259n v\u0259siq\u0259sini \u00e7\u0131xar\u0131b t\u0259qdim etdiyi an polisin \u00fcz\u00fcnd\u0259ki s\u0259rt ifad\u0259nin bir q\u0259d\u0259r yum\u015fald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, daha sonra m\u0259n\u0259 n\u0259z\u0259r sal\u0131b g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259diyini d\u0259 hiss etdim. V\u0259siq\u0259sini geri alan Rauf g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259yib ill\u0259rin tan\u0131\u015f\u0131 kimi polisl\u0259 \u0259l s\u0131xd\u0131.
\nGeri qay\u0131d\u0131b skamyada yan\u0131mda \u0259yl\u0259\u015fdi. Bir k\u0259nara atd\u0131\u011f\u0131m zanba\u011f\u0131 \u0259lin\u0259 al\u0131b f\u0131rlad\u0131.
\n\u2500Polis s\u0259n\u0259 n\u0259 dedi? N\u0259 dan\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131z? \u2013kimi suallarla Raufu bezdirm\u0259kd\u0259 idim.
\nN\u0259z\u0259rl\u0259rini zanbaqdan ay\u0131r\u0131b m\u0259n\u0259 baxd\u0131, g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259yib:
\n\u2500Polis m\u0259n\u0259 dedi ki, o q\u0131zdan s\u0259n\u0259 xeyir g\u0259lm\u0259z. Ondan uzaqla\u015fma\u011f\u0131n m\u0259sl\u0259h\u0259tdir, \u2013dedi.
\nZarafatla deyilmi\u015f bu s\u00f6zl\u0259r u\u015faq vaxt\u0131 oxudu\u011fumuz ki\u00e7ik hekay\u0259d\u0259n olsa da, ciddiy\u0259 alm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m.
\n\u2500Bel\u0259 dedi? H\u0259qiq\u0259t\u0259n bel\u0259 dedi? S\u0259n n\u0259 dedin, b\u0259s?
\nN\u0259z\u0259rl\u0259rini m\u0259nd\u0259n ay\u0131rmadan ciddiyy\u0259tini saxlamaqla s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 davam etdi:
\n\u2500N\u0259 dey\u0259c\u0259m… Adam haql\u0131d\u0131r.
\nDaha \u00e7ox \u00fczg\u00fcn v\u0259 ya \u0259s\u0259bi oldu\u011fumu bilmirdim h\u0259min an:
\n\u2500Haql\u0131d\u0131r? Bel\u0259 d\u0259 dedin ona? Dedin ki, h\u0259, haql\u0131san?
\nBa\u015f\u0131n\u0131 yell\u0259di:
\n\u2500Yox, el\u0259 dem\u0259dim.
\n\u2500B\u0259s n\u0259 dedin?\u2013b\u0259lk\u0259 he\u00e7 vaxt bu g\u00fcnki kimi israrl\u0131 olmam\u0131\u015fd\u0131m.
\n\u2500Dedim ki, o g\u00f6rd\u00fcy\u00fcn q\u0131z var ha, ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131n b\u0259las\u0131d\u0131r: \u00f6z\u00fc d\u0259 b\u0259lad\u0131r, ad\u0131 da b\u0259lad\u0131r; tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m g\u00fcnd\u0259n bu yana h\u0259r zaman onun ucbat\u0131ndan ba\u015f\u0131ma b\u0259lalar g\u0259lir.
\nG\u00f6zl\u0259rimi s\u00fczd\u00fcr\u00fcb \u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fc yana \u00e7evirdim. \u0130ncimi\u015fdim. Q\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. Bel\u0259 ifad\u0259l\u0259ri he\u00e7 g\u00f6zl\u0259mirdim Raufdan.
\nQ\u0259fil \u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fc \u0259ll\u0259ri aras\u0131na al\u0131b g\u00f6zl\u0259rimin i\u00e7in\u0259 baxaraq dedi:
\n\u2500Bilm\u0259k ist\u0259yirs\u0259n, ona n\u0259 dedim?
\n\u2500…
\n\u2500Dedim ki, h\u0259min ba\u015f b\u0259las\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcy\u00fcm g\u00fcnd\u0259n sevir\u0259m… d\u0259li kimi sevir\u0259m. U\u011fruna bir \u00e7i\u00e7\u0259k c\u0259rim\u0259si n\u0259dir ki, \u00f6lm\u0259y\u0259 bel\u0259 haz\u0131ram!
\nSusurdum. \u0130lk sevgi etiraf\u0131n\u0131n bu \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 olmas\u0131 m\u0259ni sevindirdiyi q\u0259d\u0259r d\u0259, k\u00f6vr\u0259ltmi\u015fdi. G\u00f6zl\u0259rimd\u0259n h\u0259r an yanaqlar\u0131ma s\u00fcz\u00fclm\u0259y\u0259 haz\u0131r olan iki damla ya\u015f kirpikl\u0259rimd\u0259n as\u0131l\u0131b qalm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Astadan:
\n\u2500O n\u0259 dedi? \u2013soru\u015fdum.
\nSa\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131, yanaqlar\u0131m\u0131 ox\u015fay\u0131b g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259di:
\n\u2500\u201cAllah \u00f6z\u00fc s\u0259n\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fck c\u0259rim\u0259 k\u0259sib\u201d dey\u0259r\u0259k m\u0259ni s\u0259rb\u0259st buraxd\u0131.
\nIncik halda dirs\u0259yimi b\u00f6yr\u00fcn\u0259 toxundurdum.
\n\u018fll\u0259rimi tutub g\u00f6zl\u0259rimin i\u00e7in\u0259 baxd\u0131, s\u00f6y\u00fcd a\u011fac\u0131n\u0131n alt\u0131ndak\u0131 skamyada ilk d\u0259f\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 hissl\u0259rini etiraf etdi:
\n\u2500Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131n b\u0259las\u0131, s\u0259ni sevir\u0259m, h\u0259m d\u0259 \u00e7ox, lap \u00e7oooox sevir\u0259m!
\nYanaqlar\u0131ma h\u0259min an s\u00fcz\u00fcl\u0259n iki damla ya\u015f ona olan hissl\u0259rimin, sevgimin, sevincimin cavab\u0131 idi. Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 \u00e7iynin\u0259 qoyub k\u00f6ks\u00fcn\u0259 q\u0131s\u0131ld\u0131m.
\nAln\u0131mdan \u00f6p\u00fcb sa\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131 tumarlad\u0131. K\u0259nara qoydu\u011fu zanba\u011f\u0131 yenid\u0259n \u0259lin\u0259 ald\u0131:
\n\u2500Bax, bu zanbaq sevgimizin \u015fahidi olsun. Bundan sonra s\u0259n\u0259 yaln\u0131z zanbaq ba\u011f\u0131\u015flayacam. F\u0259rqi yoxdur, n\u0259yin bahas\u0131na ba\u015fa g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259k bu zanbaqlar, ya pul, ya c\u0259rim\u0259, ya h\u0259bs.
\nS\u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 sadiq qald\u0131. O g\u00fcnd\u0259n m\u0259n\u0259 yaln\u0131z zanbaq ba\u011f\u0131\u015flard\u0131. B\u0259z\u0259n m\u00fcxt\u0259lif r\u0259ngl\u0259rin qar\u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan, b\u0259z\u0259n is\u0259 eyni r\u0259ngd\u0259 olanlardan d\u0259st\u0259 ba\u011flatd\u0131rard\u0131. \u018fvv\u0259ll\u0259r q\u0131z\u0131lg\u00fcll\u0259ri \u00e7ox sevs\u0259m d\u0259, h\u0259min g\u00fcnd\u0259n zanbaqlar m\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn \u0259n g\u00f6z\u0259l, \u0259n d\u0259y\u0259rli oldu.
\nG\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fl\u0259rimizd\u0259n birind\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 ka\u011f\u0131z ba\u011flama verib dedi:
\n\u2500Bir m\u00fcdd\u0259t g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259yik. \u0130\u015fl\u0259 \u0259laq\u0259dar bir ne\u00e7\u0259 ay \u015f\u0259h\u0259rd\u0259 olmayacam. Amma \u00fcr\u0259yim s\u0259nin yan\u0131nda qalacaq.
\n\u2500Niy\u0259? Hara gedirs\u0259n ki? N\u0259 vaxt qay\u0131dacaqsan?
\n\u2500Bilmir\u0259m n\u0259 vaxt qay\u0131dacam. V\u0259ziyy\u0259td\u0259n as\u0131l\u0131d\u0131r.
\n\u2500Hara getdiyini d\u0259 dem\u0259y\u0259c\u0259ks\u0259n?\u2013bir zabitin bu sual\u0131ma cavab verm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259yini bils\u0259m d\u0259, \u00fczg\u00fcn halda soru\u015fdum.
\n\u2500Qay\u0131d\u0131b g\u0259lim, in\u015fallah, s\u0259n\u0259 h\u0259r \u015feyi dan\u0131\u015facam. H\u0259tta daha art\u0131\u011f\u0131na da haz\u0131r ol! Nec\u0259 dey\u0259rl\u0259r, d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm m\u00f6ht\u0259\u015f\u0259m olacaq!\u2013deyib \u0259ll\u0259rimi buraxmadan g\u00f6z vurdu.
\nBu aylar \u0259rzind\u0259 ona o q\u0259d\u0259r \u00f6yr\u0259\u015fmi\u015fdim ki, indi uzun bir m\u00fcdd\u0259t ayr\u0131l\u0131\u011fa nec\u0259 tab g\u0259tir\u0259c\u0259yimi bilmirdim. \u00dcz\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00f6rm\u0259d\u0259n, s\u0259sini e\u015fitm\u0259d\u0259n nec\u0259 qalacaqd\u0131m…
\n\u2500Yax\u015f\u0131 da, \u00fcz\u00fclm\u0259! \u00d6m\u00fcrl\u00fck getmir\u0259m ki! T\u0259lim\u0259 gedir\u0259m. \u018fn geci iki ay \u00e7\u0259k\u0259r. Sonra yen\u0259 \u015f\u0259h\u0259rd\u0259y\u0259m.
\n\u2500Z\u0259ng vuracaqsan?
\n\u2500\u0130lk f\u00fcrs\u0259td\u0259!
\nZ\u0259ng ed\u0259c\u0259yin\u0259, \u0259laq\u0259 saxlayaca\u011f\u0131na s\u00f6z verm\u0259sin\u0259 baxmayaraq, yen\u0259 d\u0259 \u00fczg\u00fcn idim. H\u0259yat\u0131mda ilk d\u0259f\u0259 idi kimis\u0259 sevirdim. Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 sin\u0259sin\u0259 s\u0131x\u0131b qoxusunu i\u00e7im\u0259 \u00e7\u0259kirdim. Sa\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131 ox\u015fayan \u0259ll\u0259rinin tumar\u0131n\u0131, h\u0259rar\u0259tini d\u0259 yadda\u015f\u0131ma yazmaq, s\u0259hraya \u00e7\u0131xanlar\u0131n su ehtiyat\u0131 kimi g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u0259c\u0259yimiz g\u00fcn\u0259d\u0259k \u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259 saxlamaq ist\u0259yirdim.
\nGec\u0259 yar\u0131s\u0131na q\u0259d\u0259r telefonda dan\u0131\u015f\u0131b, s\u00f6zl\u0259rimiz bit\u0259nd\u0259 is\u0259 yen\u0259 d\u0259 d\u0259st\u0259yi asmam\u0131\u015f, s\u00fckutu payla\u015fm\u0131\u015fd\u0131q. Bir ne\u00e7\u0259 d\u0259f\u0259 sa\u011folla\u015fma\u011f\u0131m\u0131za baxmayaraq, yenid\u0259n telefona \u0259l at\u0131b mesaj b\u00f6lm\u0259sin\u0259 ke\u00e7id etmi\u015fdik. S\u0259h\u0259r\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc yummay\u0131b onu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcy\u00fcm kimi, \u0259min idim ki, Rauf da eyni hissl\u0259ri ke\u00e7irir. S\u0259h\u0259r s\u00fcbhd\u0259n ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m ilk mesaj da fikirl\u0259rimi t\u0259sdiq etmi\u015fdi. H\u0259min s\u0259h\u0259r hava liman\u0131nda yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131 mesaj\u0131 is\u0259 he\u00e7 vaxt silm\u0259dim. Bu g\u00fcn d\u0259 telefonumun mesaj b\u00f6lm\u0259sind\u0259 qorunur. H\u0259r dar\u0131xd\u0131\u011f\u0131mda a\u00e7\u0131b oxuyar, t\u0259skinlik tapard\u0131m.
\nH\u0259min s\u0259h\u0259r g\u00fcn\u0259\u015fi p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259 \u00f6n\u00fcnd\u0259 salamlam\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. G\u00f6zl\u0259rimi s\u0259maya dik\u0259r\u0259k sevdiyim insan\u0131 m\u0259nd\u0259n al\u0131b uzaqlara aparan t\u0259yyar\u0259nin izini axtar\u0131rd\u0131m buludlar\u0131n aras\u0131nda sanki.
\n\u0130lk g\u00fcnl\u0259r Raufla ayr\u0131l\u0131q daha \u00e7\u0259tin oldu. H\u0259r g\u00fcn d\u0259niz k\u0259nar\u0131na enir, t\u0259k-t\u0259nha g\u0259zib dolan\u0131r, \u0259trini, qoxusunu d\u0259nizd\u0259n alma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m. Dal\u011falar\u0131n s\u0259sind\u0259, k\u00fcl\u0259yin p\u0131\u00e7\u0131lt\u0131s\u0131nda da onu tapma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m. Raufu tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m g\u00fcnd\u0259n d\u0259niz m\u0259n\u0259 daha do\u011fma olmu\u015fdu \u00e7\u00fcnki.
\nVidala\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z g\u00fcn m\u0259n\u0259 verdiyi ka\u011f\u0131z ba\u011flaman\u0131 is\u0259 \u00e7antamda unutmu\u015fdum. \u0130\u00e7ind\u0259 n\u0259 oldu\u011fundan bel\u0259 x\u0259b\u0259rsiz idim. Bir ne\u00e7\u0259 g\u00fcn sonra ka\u011f\u0131z\u0131 a\u00e7d\u0131m. V\u0259r\u0259qd\u0259 bu s\u00f6zl\u0259r yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015fd\u0131:
\n\u201cY\u0259qin ki indi t\u0259\u0259cc\u00fcbl\u0259 bax\u0131r, bunlar\u0131n n\u0259 oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrs\u0259n. \u00c7ox d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u0259y\u0259s\u0259n dey\u0259, \u00f6z\u00fcm deyim: bunlar zanbaq so\u011fanlar\u0131d\u0131r. G\u00fcl ma\u011fazas\u0131n\u0131n sahibi zanbaqlarla ba\u011fl\u0131 sirrimizd\u0259n agah olub, bir m\u00fcdd\u0259t\u0259 ayr\u0131laca\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 bil\u0259nd\u0259 bunlar\u0131 m\u0259n\u0259 verdi. So\u011fanlar\u0131 \u0259k, onlara qulluq et. Yan\u0131nda olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m m\u00fcdd\u0259td\u0259 qoy h\u0259min bu zanbaqlar s\u0259n\u0259 m\u0259ni xat\u0131rlats\u0131n. Onlara baxanda, toxunanda m\u0259ni d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn. S\u0259ni \u00e7ox sevdiyimi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn v\u0259 he\u00e7 vaxt hissl\u0259rimin s\u0259mimiliyin\u0259 \u015f\u00fcbh\u0259 etm\u0259! Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131n b\u0259las\u0131, s\u0259ni \u00e7ox sevir\u0259m!\u201d
\nRauf g\u00fcl-\u00e7i\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259r\u0259 olan sevgimd\u0259n x\u0259b\u0259rdar idi. Bir ne\u00e7\u0259 d\u0259f\u0259 m\u0259ni ev\u0259 \u00f6t\u00fcr\u0259nd\u0259 p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259mizd\u0259ki dib\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259r n\u0259z\u0259rini \u00e7\u0259kmi\u015fdi. Dib\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259rimin \u00e7oxlu\u011fu onu t\u0259\u0259cc\u00fcbl\u0259ndirmi\u015f, \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fcn d\u0259 otaq g\u00fcll\u0259rin\u0259 mara\u011f\u0131 oldu\u011funu bildirmi\u015fdi.
\n\u018fvv\u0259lc\u0259 ayr\u0131-ayr\u0131 qablara \u0259km\u0259k ist\u0259s\u0259m d\u0259, sonra d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcb so\u011fanlar\u0131n ham\u0131s\u0131 eyni qaba \u0259km\u0259y\u0259 q\u0259rar verdim. Bu zanbaqlar sevgimizin \u015fahidi olduqlar\u0131ndan, hiss\u0259l\u0259r\u0259 ay\u0131rmaq ist\u0259m\u0259dim. Dig\u0259r otaq g\u00fcll\u0259rimd\u0259n f\u0259rqli olaraq, zanbaqlar\u0131 \u0259kdiyim dib\u00e7\u0259y\u0259 daha \u00e7ox diqq\u0259t edirdim, naz\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u0259kir, b\u0259z\u0259n s\u00f6hb\u0259tl\u0259\u015fir, saatbasaat, saniy\u0259b\u0259saniy\u0259 onlar\u0131n boy atmas\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rm\u0259k ist\u0259yirdim. So\u011fanlar\u0131n say\u0131 doqquz olsa da, onlardan yaln\u0131z yeddisi c\u00fcc\u0259rmi\u015fdi, dig\u0259r ikisi is\u0259 torpaqda m\u0259hv olmu\u015fdu. \u00dcz\u00fclm\u0259mi\u015fdim, \u00e7\u00fcnki yeddi r\u0259q\u0259mi m\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn m\u00fcq\u0259dd\u0259s idi v\u0259 bunda bir hikm\u0259t g\u00f6r\u00fcrd\u00fcm.
\n\u0130lk c\u00fcc\u0259rti h\u0259m d\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 xo\u015f x\u0259b\u0259rin m\u00fcjd\u0259\u00e7isi oldu. El\u0259 h\u0259min g\u00fcn Rauf z\u0259ng edib h\u0259r \u015feyin yax\u015f\u0131 oldu\u011funu s\u00f6yl\u0259di. H\u0259r g\u00fcn z\u0259ng ed\u0259 bilm\u0259m\u0259sin\u0259 baxmayaraq, ilk f\u00fcrs\u0259td\u0259 mesaj yaz\u0131r, meil at\u0131rd\u0131. Ciddi h\u0259rbi nizam-intizam tez-tez \u0259laq\u0259 saxlama\u011f\u0131m\u0131za mane olurdu. H\u0259r s\u00f6hb\u0259timizd\u0259 zanbaqlar\u0131 soru\u015fma\u011f\u0131 da unutmurdu. Bu m\u00fcdd\u0259t \u0259rzind\u0259 is\u0259 zanbaqlar\u0131m bir q\u0259d\u0259r boy atm\u0131\u015f, ya\u015f\u0131lla\u015fm\u0131\u015fd\u0131.
\nZanbaqlar\u0131m\u0131n a\u00e7ma\u011f\u0131 Raufun \u015f\u0259h\u0259r\u0259 d\u00f6nm\u0259yi il\u0259 eyni vaxta t\u0259sad\u00fcf etdi. A\u00e7an zanbaqlardan \u00fc\u00e7\u00fc \u00e7\u0259hray\u0131, ikisi q\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131, biri b\u0259n\u00f6v\u015f\u0259yi r\u0259ngd\u0259 idi. Yeddinci zanbaq is\u0259 inki\u015fafda yolda\u015flar\u0131ndan geri qal\u0131rd\u0131. S\u0259birsizlikl\u0259 h\u0259min zanba\u011f\u0131n a\u00e7aca\u011f\u0131 g\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00f6zl\u0259yirdim. Maraq m\u0259n\u0259 g\u00fcc g\u0259lir, onun n\u0259 r\u0259ng olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 t\u0259xmin etm\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131r, \u00e7\u0259hray\u0131, ya da q\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00fcman edir<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

N\u0259d\u0259ns\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 el\u0259 g\u0259lir ki, s\u0259h\u0259rl\u0259r d\u0259nizin r\u0259ngi kimi qoxusu da f\u0259rqli olur. Bu qoxunu i\u00e7im\u0259 \u00e7\u0259km\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn s\u0259h\u0259rl\u0259r d\u0259niz k\u0259nar\u0131nda bir q\u0259d\u0259r g\u0259zi\u015fm\u0259k ad\u0259t hal\u0131n\u0131 al\u0131b. D\u0259nizin \u0259trini i\u00e7im\u0259 \u00e7\u0259km\u0259d\u0259n, onunla bir q\u0259d\u0259r d\u0259rdl\u0259\u015fm\u0259d\u0259n yeni g\u00fcn\u0259 ba\u015flaya bilmir\u0259m. D\u0259niz m\u0259nim sirda\u015f\u0131md\u0131r. O h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 m\u0259ni s\u00fckutla dinl\u0259r, he\u00e7 vaxt irad tutmaz, q\u0131namaz. L\u0259p\u0259d\u00f6y\u0259ni izl\u0259dikc\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr\u0259m […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26900","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-edeb"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26900","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=26900"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26900\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":26901,"href":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26900\/revisions\/26901"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=26900"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=26900"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=26900"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}