{"id":37760,"date":"2021-04-02T05:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-04-02T01:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/?p=37760"},"modified":"2021-04-02T09:50:48","modified_gmt":"2021-04-02T05:50:48","slug":"%c9%99kb%c9%99r-qosali-irad%c9%99-m%c9%99n-olur%c9%99m","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/?p=37760","title":{"rendered":"\u018fkb\u0259r QO\u015eALI.”\u0130RAD\u018f, M\u018fN \u00d6L\u00dcR\u018fM\u2026 “"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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H\u0259r \u015fey o q\u0259d\u0259r g\u00f6zl\u0259nilm\u0259z, o q\u0259d\u0259r s\u00fcr\u0259tli v\u0259 qarmaqar\u0131\u015f\u0131q ba\u015f vermi\u015fdi ki \u2013 indi \u2013\u00fcst\u00fcnd\u0259n xeyli ke\u00e7\u0259nd\u0259n sonra da g\u0259rginliyi can\u0131mdan \u00e7\u0131xmay\u0131b; olanlar\u0131 ba\u015fdan-aya\u00ac\u011fa xat\u0131rlama\u011fa \u00e7\u0259tinlik \u00e7\u0259kir\u0259m.
\u015eeytan\u0131n baca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u0131nd\u0131r\u0131b \u2013 uzun ill\u0259rin h\u0259sr\u0259tin\u0259 son ver\u0259r\u0259k, T\u0259briz\u0259 yollanm\u0131\u015f-d\u0131m. Q\u0259rib\u0259 hissl\u0259r ke\u00e7irirdim, n\u0259 gizl\u0259dim. Deyirdim, T\u0259briz ruhumu dir\u00e7\u0259ld\u0259c\u0259k; de-yirdim, Araz\u0131n bu tay\u0131na d\u00f6nd\u00fckd\u0259n sonra d\u00fcnyam d\u0259yi\u015f\u0259c\u0259k, \u00e7ox \u015fey \u00f6nc\u0259ki kimi ol-mayacaq. El\u0259 inan\u0131rd\u0131m, el\u0259 ina\u00acn\u0131rd\u0131m!
G\u00fcneyli qarda\u015flar sa\u011f olsun, m\u0259ni r\u0259smi s\u0259rh\u0259d m\u0259nt\u0259q\u0259sinin \u00e7\u0131x\u0131\u015f\u0131nda qar\u015f\u0131lad\u0131lar, m\u0259n\u0259 diqq\u0259t-qay\u011f\u0131 g\u00f6st\u0259rdil\u0259r, \u00fcr\u0259yim hara ist\u0259di apard\u0131lar, kimn\u0259n ist\u0259dim, g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcrd\u00fcl\u0259r; ham\u0131s\u0131, ham\u0131s\u0131 g\u00fcl\u0259r\u00fcz, istiqanl\u0131, qonaqp\u0259rv\u0259r, haz\u0131rcavab v\u0259 \u015f\u0259n idi. Amma bir h\u0259ft\u0259lik s\u0259f\u0259rin son g\u00fcn\u00fc hiss etdim ki, qarda\u015flar n\u0259s\u0259 umulu-dumulu, kefl\u0259ri poz\u011fun h\u0259rl\u0259nir v\u0259 bu ovqats\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 m\u0259nd\u0259n gizl\u0259tm\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131r. A\u011fl\u0131ma \u00e7ox \u015fey g\u0259ls\u0259 d\u0259, ancaq geri d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fd\u0259 \u2013 r\u0259smi ke\u00e7id m\u0259n\u00act\u0259q\u0259sind\u0259 bildim ki, vahim olaylar olmu\u015f\u2026 V\u0259 g\u00fc\u00acney\u00aclil\u0259r olub-bit\u0259nl\u0259ri b\u00f6y\u00fck ustal\u0131qla m\u0259nd\u0259n gizl\u0259tm\u0259y\u0259, kefimin pozulmamas\u0131na \u00e7a\u00acl\u0131\u00ac\u015f\u0131b. Bilirdil\u0259r ax\u0131 \u2013 ya\u015f\u0131m q\u0259d\u0259r, b\u0259lk\u0259, ya\u015f\u0131mdan art\u0131q h\u0259sr\u0259tim vard\u0131 T\u0259briz\u0259, bilir\u00acdil\u0259r\u2026
B\u0259li, geri d\u00f6n\u0259r-d\u00f6nm\u0259z h\u0259r \u015feyin d\u0259y\u015fdiyini g\u00f6rd\u00fcm, ancaq bu d\u0259yi\u015fim m\u0259n d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcy\u00fcm d\u0259yi\u015fim deyildi. S\u0259rh\u0259dd\u0259n ke\u00e7\u0259n h\u0259r k\u0259s kimi m\u0259ni d\u0259 a\u00e7alaq-umalaq As\u00actara x\u0259st\u0259xanas\u0131na g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fcl\u0259r. Az qala h\u0259r k\u0259sin a\u011fz\u0131-burnu maskal\u0131 v\u0259\u2026 sual\u0131 \u00e7ox, ca\u00acvab\u0131 azd\u0131. Ham\u0131 birc\u0259 s\u00f6z\u00fc \u00e7evirirdi: koronavirus, koronavirus\u2026 A\u00e7\u0131\u011f\u0131, m\u0259n \u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259 ra\u00achats\u0131zl\u0131q hiss etmirdim, yax\u015f\u0131yd\u0131m, di g\u0259l s\u0259rb\u0259st buraxan kimdi? Sanki s\u0259r\u00ach\u0259din o ta\u00acy\u0131n\u00acdak\u0131 qara \u00e7ar\u015fablar \u201cmodern\u00acl\u0259\u015fib\u201d bu taydak\u0131 qad\u0131n h\u0259kiml\u0259rin a\u011fz\u0131-burnu boyda ki\u00e7ik mas\u00ackalara d\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fc; d\u00f6vl\u0259tl\u0259raras\u0131 r\u0259smi s\u0259rh\u0259d \u201cbalalay\u0131b\u201d, indi rayondan-rayona da ke\u00ac\u00e7id m\u0259nt\u0259q\u0259l\u0259ri kimi \u201c\u00e7oxalm\u0131\u015fd\u0131\u201d; tan\u0131\u00acma\u00acd\u0131qlar\u0131na \u015f\u00fcbh\u0259li baxan o tayl\u0131 m\u0259murlar qals\u0131n o tayda, bu tay\u0131n tan\u0131yan\u0131 da, tan\u0131mayan\u0131 da istiqanl\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fm\u0259l\u0259ri \u201cixtisar etmi\u015f\u201d, m\u00fcna\u00acsi\u00acb\u0259tl\u0259r m\u0259saf\u0259 qaza\u00acnm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Q\u0131zd\u0131rmam\u0131z\u0131 tez-tez \u00f6l\u00e7\u0259n a\u011f xalatl\u0131, qara maskal\u0131 h\u0259kim q\u0131zlar az dan\u0131\u015f\u0131qlar\u0131 il\u0259 soyuqqanl\u0131 idi. B\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259, el\u0259 deyildi, m\u0259n\u0259 bel\u0259 g\u0259lirdi, b\u0259lk\u0259, \u00f6z t\u0259\u00acdirginliyim m\u0259ni haldan-hala sal\u0131r, ham\u0131dan incik d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr\u00fcrd\u00fc\u2026 \u2013 bilmir\u0259m, ola bi\u00acl\u0259r. H\u0259rd\u0259n d\u0259, fikirl\u0259\u015firdim ki, aman, Tanr\u0131m, yoxsa, o tayda hans\u0131sa ziyar\u0259td\u0259 yanl\u0131\u015f dav\u00acran\u0131\u015f\u0131mm\u0131 oldu, yanl\u0131\u015f s\u00f6zm\u00fc dedim, ulu q\u00fcvv\u0259l\u0259rin xo\u015funa getm\u0259di \u2013 n\u0259di? Yoxsa, \u201cca\u00acdu-pitik\u201dmi yazd\u0131lar m\u0259n\u0259? Bu yandan da, telefonum susmurdu, sanki b\u00fct\u00fcn g\u0259r\u0259ksiz z\u0259ngl\u0259r m\u0259hz bu g\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00f6z\u00acl\u0259yirmi\u015f\u2026
Di g\u0259l bu qar\u011fa\u015fa i\u00e7ind\u0259, n\u0259 etdil\u0259r, neyn\u0259dil\u0259r, m\u00fc\u0259yy\u0259n vaxtdan sonra, xeyli adam\u0131 buraxd\u0131lar, m\u0259n is\u0259 Bak\u0131dak\u0131 X\u00fcsusi Tibb M\u0259rk\u0259zin\u0259 k\u00f6\u00e7\u00fcr\u0259c\u0259kl\u0259rini bildirdil\u0259r. A\u00e7\u00ac\u0131\u00ac\u011f\u0131, geril\u0259diyimi hiss edirdim yava\u015f-yava\u015f, amma bunun koronavirusla yox, \u00fcmumi ov\u00acqats\u0131zl\u0131qla ba\u011fl\u0131 oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrd\u00fcm; lakin m\u0259n sayd\u011f\u0131m\u0131 say\u0131m, g\u00f6r\u0259k, f\u0259l\u0259k n\u0259 sa\u00acy\u0131rm\u0131\u015f\u2026
Astaradan Bak\u0131ya h\u0259r\u0259k\u0259t vaxt\u0131 ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131n f\u0131rland\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 qaranl\u0131q \u00e7\u00f6kd\u00fcy\u00fcn\u00fc, \u0259l\u0259l\u00acx\u00fc\u00acsus n\u0259f\u0259simin darald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hiss etm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flad\u0131m. \u2013 \u0130qlim d\u0259yi\u015fikliyi, yuxusuzluq, rejimsizlik, do\u011fmalardan uzaql\u0131q-filan \u2013 ha \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 t\u0259s\u0259lli ver\u00acm\u0259\u00acy\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fd\u0131m, g\u00f6r\u00acd\u00fcm, yox, bu x\u0131na o x\u0131nadan deyil. V\u0259 Bak\u0131ya \u00e7atd\u0131q \u00e7atma\u011f\u0131na\u2026 lakin art\u0131q, n\u0259f\u0259sim \u00e7atm\u0131rd\u0131, n\u0259f\u0259sim. \u201cBu ilmi \u00f6l\u00fcbs\u0259n, bildirmi?\u201d \u2013 fikr\u0259n hava\u00aclan\u0131rd\u0131m, havam yetmirdi. Hu\u015fum z\u0259ifl\u0259yir, yadda\u015f\u0131m \u201ct\u0259r\u0259dd\u00fcd edir\u201d, \u201cbir sa\u011f, bir sol\u201d g\u00f6st\u0259rirdi. G\u00f6-r\u0259c\u0259kli g\u00fcn\u00fcm varm\u0131\u015f\u2026
Ala-\u00e7ula xat\u0131rlay\u0131ram, kims\u0259 pasportuma baxa-baxa, \u201cYol\u00e7u Q\u0259dirlini h\u0259kim \u0130rad\u0259 Qiyam\u0259tdinliy\u0259 g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcn\u201d \u2013 dedi. Kim\u0259, kim\u0259? \u2013 \u0130rad\u0259 Qiyam\u0259tdinliy\u0259mi?! Aman Tanr\u0131m! Bu q\u0259d\u0259r t\u0259sad\u00fcf ola bilm\u0259zdi, bel\u0259 nadir soyada \u0130rad\u0259d\u0259n ba\u015fqas\u0131nda he\u00e7 rast g\u0259l\u00acm\u0259\u00acmi\u015f, he\u00e7 e\u015fitm\u0259mi\u015fdim \u2013 bu o idi! Heyim yoxdu, bir d\u0259 soru\u015fam, da\u00acya\u00acnam, duram. Duydu\u011fumu duymu\u015fdum art\u0131q\u2026
\u0130rad\u0259 il\u0259 bel\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131la\u015fma\u011f\u0131 he\u00e7 ist\u0259m\u0259zdim, he\u00e7. Anla\u015f\u0131lmaz bir dir\u0259ni\u015f\u0259 meyil ets\u0259m d\u0259, dediyim kimi, art\u0131q heyim t\u00fck\u0259nirdi, t\u0259ngn\u0259f\u0259slik, quru \u00f6sk\u00fcr\u0259k, g\u00f6z\u00fc a\u00e7\u0131q sa\u00acy\u0131qlama kimi bir hal\u0259t\u0259 q\u0259rq olmu\u015fdum v\u0259 m\u0259ni bu hal\u0131mla, hals\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131mla qeyri-ixtiyari i\u00e7\u0259ri apard\u0131lar. Art\u0131q he\u00e7 n\u0259 m\u0259nim irad\u0259md\u0259n as\u0131l\u0131 deyildi. G\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc bir d\u0259 onda a\u00e7d\u0131m ki, sanki \u201cska\u00acfandra\u201d gey\u00acmi\u015f \u0130rad\u0259 ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnd\u0259 v\u0259 m\u0259n \u015f\u0259ffaf tabut kimi bir n\u0259sn\u0259nin i\u00e7in\u00ac\u00acd\u0259y\u0259m\u2026 G\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc, b\u0259lk\u0259, bir saniy\u0259lik a\u00e7a bilirdims\u0259, qazancd\u0131. Uzun ill\u0259r g\u00f6rm\u0259diyim \u0130rad\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 adi x\u0259st\u0259 kimimi bax\u0131r, nifr\u0259tl\u0259mi, sevgiqar\u0131\u015f\u0131q r\u0259hm hissi il\u0259mi? G\u0259l d\u0259 bil\u2026 Bil d\u0259 g\u00f6r\u2026
\u0130rad\u0259 il\u0259 g\u00f6z\u0259l g\u00fcnl\u0259rimiz olmu\u015fdu. Sonra \u0259b\u0259di ayr\u0131l\u0131q kimi h\u0259r\u0259miz bir yana d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fck. Onun T\u00fcrkiy\u0259d\u0259 ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilirdim, orada h\u0259kim kimi \u00e7al\u0131\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, h\u0259m d\u0259 tibbin hans\u0131sa yeni sah\u0259si \u00fczr\u0259 elmi i\u015f \u00fcz\u0259rind\u0259 i\u015fl\u0259diyini e\u015fitmi\u015fdim. Amma budur, biz Bak\u0131dak\u0131 x\u00fcsusi m\u0259rk\u0259zd\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131la\u015fm\u0131\u015fd\u0131q. O \u2013 h\u0259kim, m\u0259n \u2013 x\u0259st\u0259\u2026 N\u0259 q\u0259\u00acrib\u0259di, qabaqlar da bel\u0259 olmu\u015fdu: onda da m\u0259n onun x\u0259st\u0259siydim, onun x\u0259s\u00act\u0259si\u2026 amma bir vacib f\u0259rql\u0259 \u2013 onda, aradabir Tacl\u0131b\u0259yim dediyim bu zal\u0131m\u0131n \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259, sevgisin\u0259 tutquluydum \u2013 indis\u0259 tacl\u0131 virusa tutulmu\u015fdum\u2026
\u0130rad\u0259, \u0130rad\u0259\u2026
N\u0259 olmu\u015fdusa, m\u0259nim \u00fcz\u00fcmd\u0259n olmu\u015fdu. H\u0259r k\u0259s bizi sevgili bilir, sevgili g\u00f6r\u00fcr\u00acd\u00fc \u2013 d\u00fcz d\u0259 edirdil\u0259r, haqq edirdil\u0259r. Nec\u0259 dey\u0259rl\u0259r, ayr\u0131 gec\u0259l\u0259r\u0259 yatsaq da, eyni sa-bahlara durard\u0131q, bir dam\u0131n alt\u0131nda ya\u015famayan, qohum olmayan, bir kollektivd\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015f-mayan iki insan n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r bir yerd\u0259 ola bil\u0259rdis\u0259, ondan daha art\u0131q d\u0259r\u0259c\u0259d\u0259 bir yerd\u0259ydik\u2026 G\u00fcnl\u0259rin bir g\u00fcn\u00fc \u0130rad\u0259 dedi, m\u0259n T\u00fcrkiy\u0259y\u0259 oxuma\u011fa gedir\u0259m. \u201cB\u0131y, xan\u0131m\u0259f\u0259ndil\u0259r, durub-dururk\u0259n bu da n\u0259rd\u0259n \u00e7\u0131k\u00acd\u0131?\u201d \u2013 m\u0259n el\u0259 bel\u0259c\u0259 d\u0259 soru\u015fdum ondan. O da \u201c\u0259sas\u201dlar g\u0259tirdi \u2013 n\u0259 bilim, \u201ct\u0259hslin n\u00f6vb\u0259ti m\u0259rh\u0259l\u0259si vacibdi, m\u0259nim ixti\u00acsas\u0131m \u00fczr\u0259 \u0259n yax\u015f\u0131 universitet C\u0259rrahpa\u015fadad\u0131r, qrupun b\u00fct\u00fcn yax\u015f\u0131 oxu\u00acyan\u00aclar\u0131 gedir, m\u0259n d\u0259 \u0259la\u00e7\u0131yam (m\u0259n h\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259 \u201c\u0259la\u00e7\u0131 deyils\u0259n, \u0259lasan\u201d dey\u0259rdim, bu d\u0259f\u0259 \u201cd\u00fcz\u0259li\u015f\u201d el\u0259m\u0259dim) \u2013 \u00f6z\u00fc d\u0259 uza\u011fa getmir\u0259m ha, \u00f6z T\u00fcrkiy\u0259miz\u0259 ge\u00acdir\u0259m\u2026\u201d T\u00fcrkiy\u0259y\u0259 getm\u0259k sorun deyildi, \u00fcmumiyy\u0259tl\u0259, GETM\u018fKd\u0259n s\u00f6hb\u0259t ge\u00acdirdi v\u0259 bu q\u0259rar m\u0259nsiz verilmi\u015fdi; \u00fcst\u0259lik, onunla T\u00fcrkiy\u0259y\u0259, eyni \u015f\u0259h\u0259r\u0259, eyni uni\u00acver\u00acsitet\u0259 ged\u0259c\u0259k qrup yol\u00acda\u015f\u0131ndan g\u00f6\u00acz\u00fcm he\u00e7 su i\u00e7mirdi, he\u00e7. \u0130rad\u0259y\u0259 inanm\u0131rd\u0131mm\u0131? \u2013 \u0130nan\u0131rd\u0131m. Amma biz ki\u015fi xeylaq\u00aclar\u0131n\u0131n boynumuza almad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z q\u0131sqancl\u0131q hissi d\u0259 olmam\u0131\u015f deyil. N\u0259 giz\u00acl\u0259dim, evl\u0259nm\u0259y\u0259 haz\u0131rla\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131m q\u0131z\u0131n m\u0259ni burda qoyub uzun m\u00fcdd\u0259t\u0259 respublikadan q\u0131ra\u011fa getm\u0259sini q\u0259bul ed\u0259c\u0259k q\u0259d\u0259r \u201cinki\u015faf et\u00acm\u0259\u00acmi\u015fdim\u201d. Bel\u0259 \u00e7\u0131x\u0131rd\u0131 \u0130rad\u0259 evl\u0259n\u00acm\u0259y\u0259 haz\u0131rla\u015fm\u0131r; e-ee\u2026 haz\u0131rla\u015fm\u0131rsa, b\u0259 ne\u00e7\u0259 ill\u0259rdir biz niy\u0259 tutub-tutu\u00ac\u015furduq?..
Bu s\u00f6hb\u0259t ac\u0131 ba\u011f\u0131rsq kimi uzand\u0131qca uzand\u0131, o dedi, m\u0259n dedim, m\u0259n dedim, o dedi\u2026 \u2013 y\u0131prad\u0131rd\u0131q bir-birimizi. Bilmir\u0259m, n\u0259 hikm\u0259tsizliks\u0259, sev\u0259nl\u0259rin bir-birini ba\u011f\u0131\u015f\u00acla\u00acmas\u0131 z\u00fclmd\u00fcr el\u0259 bil; o g\u00fcnl\u0259r h\u0259r ikimiz, b\u0259lk\u0259, onlarca adam\u0131 n\u0259d\u0259s\u0259, hardasa ba\u00ac\u011f\u0131\u015flad\u0131q, bir-birimizi anlamaq, ba\u011f\u0131\u015flamaqsa al\u0131nmad\u0131 ki al\u0131nmad\u0131\u2026 \u0130lahi, n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r \u201car\u00acqument\u201d \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131 ortaya?.. \u2013 Sanki gerid\u00f6nm\u0259z yola girmi\u015fdik. Bu \u201cgerid\u00f6nm\u0259zlik\u201dd\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 iki hadis\u0259 h\u0259lledici oldu: biri m\u0259nim \u0130rad\u0259 il\u0259 eyni universitet\u0259 ged\u0259c\u0259k o\u011flanla cavanl\u0131q s\u00f6vq-t\u0259biiliyi il\u0259 v\u0259 \u0259slind\u0259, m\u0259z\u00acmun\u00acsuzca g\u0259rginlik ya\u015famam, dig\u0259ris\u0259 tam da o s\u0131\u00acrada \u0130rad\u0259nin qrup yolda\u015f\u0131 olan bir q\u0131z\u0131n s\u00fcr\u0259tl\u0259 m\u0259nim h\u0259yat\u0131ma daxil olma\u011fa ba\u015f\u00acla\u00acmas\u0131 idi\u2026 \u2013 Zal\u0131m q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6nc\u0259l\u0259r f\u0259rq etm\u0259mi\u015fdim, sanki son g\u00fcnl\u0259r bir ba\u015f\u00acqa c\u00fcr olmu\u015f, i\u015fv\u0259-naz qazanm\u0131\u015fd\u0131, ya n\u0259 bilim, n\u0259 olmu\u015fdu. \u2013 M\u0259nim g\u00f6z\u00fcm \u0130rad\u0259d\u0259n ba\u015f\u00acqas\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcrd\u00fcm\u00fc ki, onu da g\u00f6r\u0259ydi?.. B\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259, el\u0259 h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 bel\u0259 g\u00f6z\u0259lmi\u015f, n\u0259 bilim? \u2013 M\u00fcnasib\u0259tl\u0259r v\u0259 m\u00fcnasi\u00acb\u0259tsizlikl\u0259rin \u201cavtor\u0259qs\u201din\u0259, \u201ckvant fizikas\u0131\u201dna d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fck. \u2013 Ya\u00acx\u0131nla\u015fmalar, uzaq\u00acla\u015fmalar, do\u011fmala\u015fmalar, yadla\u015fmalar\u2026 Bir d\u00f6n\u0259m qapan\u0131rd\u0131 sanki, sanki o qa\u00acpan\u0131\u015f n\u00f6qt\u0259si h\u0259m d\u0259 yeni a\u00e7\u0131l\u0131m n\u00f6qt\u0259siydi\u2026
\u201cAh, bu uzun sevda yolu,
Vurulurmu ba\u015fa k\u00f6n\u00fcl?..\u201d \u2013 \u0130lahi, \u0130lahi, \u0130rad\u0259yn\u0259n zor \u015f\u0259rtl\u0259rd\u0259 qurdu\u011fumuz sevgi qalas\u0131 u\u00e7urmuydu!? \u2013 Bel\u0259 ola bil\u0259rdimi? V\u0259 bu q\u0259d\u0259rmi asanm\u0131\u015f ayr\u0131lmaq?! \u2013 Q\u0259lb\u0259n el\u0259 q\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015fd\u0131q, el\u0259 q\u0131rlm\u0131\u015fd\u0131q, \u00e7ilik-\u00e7ilik olmu\u015fduq! Ba\u015fqalar\u0131 bel\u0259 m\u0259qamlarda nec\u0259 davranard\u0131? \u2013 Bilm\u0259m ki! \u2013 M\u0259n he\u00e7 bel\u0259 g\u00fcn g\u00f6rm\u0259mi\u015fdim, m\u0259n bel\u0259 hallara d\u00fc\u015f\u00acm\u0259-mi\u015fdim, m\u0259n bel\u0259 ayr\u0131l\u0131\u011fa xam\u0131yd\u0131m. Bel\u0259ydi, ac\u0131 da olsa, bel\u0259ydi. O da macal ta\u00acp\u0131b, ehtiyac duyub, gedib sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 k\u0259sdirmi\u015fdi \u2013 bil\u0259-bil\u0259 ki m\u0259n uzun sa\u00e7\u00aclar\u0131na bir ba\u015f\u00acqa c\u00fcr va\u00aclehdim. Bir ne\u00e7\u0259 \u015f\u0259kli g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 d\u0259ydi, hardasa, q\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 r\u0259ngli n\u0259 paltar\u0131, akse-ssuar\u0131, n\u0259yi, n\u0259yi vard\u0131sa, \u201ct\u0259rk etmi\u015f\u201d, qatmaqar\u0131\u015f\u0131q r\u0259ngli \u0259lbis\u0259y\u0259, x\u0131rda-xuru\u015flara tut\u00acmu\u015fdu \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc. \u201cC\u0259h\u0259nn\u0259m\u0259 ki!\u201d \u2013 dilimd\u0259n \u00e7\u0131xmasa da, \u00fcr\u0259yimd\u0259n bu s\u00f6zl\u0259r ke\u00e7-mi\u015f\u00acdi, do\u011frusu.
Sonra q\u00fcrur imkan verm\u0259mi\u015fdi bir-birimizi arama\u011fa. Gedilm\u0259y\u0259n yolu kol-kos ba-sar, deyirl\u0259r. Deyirl\u0259r ha: g\u00f6zd\u0259n uzaq olan, k\u00f6n\u00fcld\u0259n d\u0259 uzaq olar\u2026 \u2013 K\u00f6rp\u00fcl\u0259rimiz al\u00act\u0131n\u00acdan sular axm\u0131\u015f, g\u00f6y \u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fczd\u0259n karvan-karvan buludlar ke\u00e7mi\u015fdi \u00f6t\u0259n ill\u0259r boyunca. M\u0259n evi tikilmi\u015fin \u015f\u0259r\u0259-\u015fur i\u015fl\u0259ri d\u0259 olmu\u015f, o evitikilmi\u015fin qrup yol\u00acda\u015f\u0131ndan bir q\u0131z\u0131m d\u00fcn\u00acyaya g\u0259l\u00acmi\u015fdi\u2026 \u2013 yox, yox, evl\u0259nm\u0259mi\u015fdik \u2013 o da ayr\u0131 bir s\u00f6hb\u0259tdi\u2026 Ay par\u00e7as\u0131 do\u011ful\u00acma\u00acm\u0131\u015f\u00acdan \u00f6n\u00acc\u0259l\u0259rd\u0259n araya buz soyuqlu\u011fu d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fc; sonralar \u00f6yr\u0259ndiyim bir x\u0259\u00acb\u0259rs\u0259 ild\u0131r\u0131m kimi \u00e7axm\u0131\u015f, m\u0259ni haldan-hala salm\u0131\u015fd\u0131: anas\u0131 q\u0131z\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n ad\u0131n\u0131 \u0130rad\u0259 qoy\u00acmu\u015fdu. \u2013 Niy\u0259siz, nec\u0259siz: \u0130RAD\u018f! \u2013 L\u00fctfm\u00fc, \u0259zabm\u0131, ac\u0131qm\u0131, etirafm\u0131? \u2013 anlayan\u0131 g\u0259tir, anladan\u0131 g\u00f6r\u2026
B\u0259li, uzun ill\u0259r sonra \u0130rad\u0259nin respublikaya d\u00f6nm\u0259si s\u0131rf koronavirusla m\u00fcbariz\u0259 t\u0259dbirl\u0259ri \u00e7\u0259r\u00e7iv\u0259sind\u0259 bir qrup az\u0259rbaycanl\u0131 h\u0259kimin qarda\u015f \u00f6lk\u0259d\u0259n yard\u0131ma g\u0259lm\u0259si il\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131yd\u0131. G\u0259rginlik ke\u00e7\u0259nd\u0259n sonra qay\u0131dacaqd\u0131\u2026
Kim bilir, oralarda ail\u0259 qurubmu?..
Amma sa\u00e7lar\u0131 uzunuydu yen\u0259 h\u0259r hal\u0131 il\u0259 \u201cAy deyil\u0259m, ulduzam, G\u0259lin deyil\u0259m, q\u0131zam\u201d deyirdi amma; amma da canayax\u0131n davran\u0131rd\u0131 zal\u0131m balas\u0131, adda-budda g\u00f6z\u0259 d\u0259y\u0259n ak\u00acsessuarlar\u0131 da q\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131yd\u0131\u2026
\u201cKoronavirus\u201d \u2013 ba\u015fqa ad\u0131 il\u0259 \u201cCovid 19\u201d, el aras\u0131ndak\u0131 deyili\u015fi il\u0259 \u201cCa\u00acvid 19\u201d, el\u0259 bil bizi m\u00fcdrikl\u0259\u015fdirmi\u015fdi, do\u011fmala\u015fd\u0131rm\u0131\u015fd\u0131 v\u0259 bir-birimiz\u0259 yax\u015f\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcnm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015fla-m\u0131\u015f\u00acd\u0131q. \u015e\u0259xs\u0259n m\u0259n onun h\u0259r h\u0259r\u0259k\u0259tind\u0259, s\u00f6z\u00fcnd\u0259, bax\u0131\u015f\u0131nda bir m\u0259na axtar\u0131r v\u0259 o m\u0259\u00acnan\u0131 \u201ctap\u0131rd\u0131m\u201d. El\u0259 bil bu g\u00f6z\u0259g\u00f6r\u00fcnm\u0259z virus, virus deyildi, g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fm\u0259 imkan\u0131, birl\u0259\u015fm\u0259 b\u0259han\u0259si, \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fcn \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fc \u00f6tm\u0259 \u201cakt\u201d\u0131m\u0131zd\u0131. N\u0259 q\u0259rib\u0259di, ill\u0259r \u00f6nc\u0259 \u201co\u011flumuz olsa, ad\u0131n\u0131 Cavid, q\u0131z\u0131m\u0131z olsa, Cavidan qoyar\u0131q\u201d deyirdi \u0130rad\u0259. O deyirdi, o\u011flumuzu 19 ya\u015f\u0131na gir\u0259r-girm\u0259z evl\u0259ndir\u0259rik, m\u0259n deyirdim, 26 ya\u015f \u2013 a\u011f\u0131ll\u0131 v\u0259zirin o\u011fluna n\u0259sih\u0259t etdiyi \u201cQa\u00acbusnam\u0259\u201d ya\u015f\u0131! O, erk\u0259n v\u0259fat etmi\u015f anas\u0131n\u0131 xat\u0131rlad\u0131r, deyirdi, bird\u0259n anam kimi m\u0259n d\u0259 erk\u0259n \u00f6ll\u0259m, n\u0259v\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fcm bari, m\u0259n deyirdim, bizim ocaqda erk\u0259n \u00f6l\u00fcml\u0259r olmur, qorxma\u2026
Ey, gidi d\u00fcnya, ey\u2026
G\u00f6r\u0259s\u0259n, o bizim \u0130rad\u0259 adl\u0131 q\u0131z\u0131m\u0131z oldu\u011funu bilirmi? G\u00f6r\u0259s\u0259n, qrup yolda\u015flar\u0131n\u00acdan kiml\u0259rl\u0259 \u0259laq\u0259si var? Suallar o q\u0259d\u0259r \u00e7ox, cavablar o q\u0259d\u0259r az\u2026 Eyn\u0259n koronavi\u00acrus\u00acla ba\u011fl\u0131 d\u00fcnyada dola\u015fan suallar v\u0259 cavabs\u0131zl\u0131qlar kimi\u2026
V\u0259 m\u0259n T\u0259brizd\u0259n d\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcm \u2013 bir h\u0259sr\u0259tim\u0259 son verib, ba\u015fqa bir h\u0259sr\u0259tim\u0259 qovu\u015fmu\u015fdum. O h\u0259sr\u0259tim\u0259 ki, ata t\u0259r\u0259fd\u0259n T\u0259briz k\u00f6k\u0259nliydi\u2026 M\u0259nim h\u0259sr\u0259td\u0259n h\u0259sr\u0259t\u0259 y\u00f6n\u0259l\u0259n duy\u011fulu yolum\u2026 g\u0259lib-g\u0259lib, koronavirus adl\u0131 bir g\u00f6z\u0259\u00acg\u00f6\u00acr\u00fcn\u00acm\u0259z n\u0259sn\u0259 il\u0259 sonlanmaqdayd\u0131. \u0130zaholunmaz duy\u011fulardayd\u0131m\u2026
N\u0259 ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 a\u011fr\u0131d\u0131m, b\u0259lk\u0259, alt\u015f\u00fcurda saxlad\u0131\u011f\u0131m, b\u0259lk\u0259, yadda\u015f\u0131m\u0131n bir q\u0131ra\u011f\u0131nda qorudu\u011fum xatir\u0259l\u0259rimin yiy\u0259siyn\u0259n ba\u015f-ba\u015fayd\u0131m indi\u2026 Tanr\u0131 m\u0259ni onun \u0259ll\u0259rin\u0259 t\u0259slim el\u0259mi\u015fdi. \u0130ra\u00acd\u0259yn\u0259n da\u00acn\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m dan\u0131\u015fma\u011f\u0131na, ancaq dan\u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n \u201cjanr\u201d\u0131n\u0131 he\u00e7 c\u00fcr m\u00fc\u00ac\u0259y\u00acy\u0259n\u00acl\u0259\u015fdir\u0259 bil\u00acmirdim. Bu p\u0131\u00e7\u0131lt\u0131yd\u0131m\u0131, hayq\u0131rt\u0131yd\u0131m\u0131, x\u0259yald\u0131m\u0131, \u00fcr\u0259kd\u0259n-\u00fcr\u0259y\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u0259n yol\u00acdumu, t\u0259f\u0259k\u00ack\u00fcr \u015f\u0259kil\u00acl\u0259n\u00acm\u0259siydimi? \u2013 G\u0259l d\u0259 bil\u2026 Bil d\u0259 g\u00f6r\u2026
\u2013 \u0130rad\u0259, m\u0259n \u00f6l\u00fcr\u0259m!..
\u2013 \u0130rad\u0259n olsun!..
\u2013 \u0130RAD\u018fm olmayandan sonra, irad\u0259m olsa, n\u0259y\u0259 yarar?
\u2013 \u0130rad\u0259n olsa, \u0130RAD\u018fn d\u0259 olar\u2026
Biz dan\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131q\u2026 b\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259, dan\u0131\u015fm\u0131rd\u0131q, bu m\u0259n\u0259 bel\u0259 g\u0259lirdi\u2026 biz \u0259l-\u0259l\u0259 tutmu\u015fduq\u2026 yox, bu m\u00fcmk\u00fcn deyildi, ikimiz d\u0259 o q\u0259d\u0259r \u201caltdan geyib, \u00fcstd\u0259n q\u0131f\u0131llanm\u0131\u015f, \u00fcstd\u0259n ge\u00acyib, altdan q\u0131f\u0131llanm\u0131\u015f\u201dd\u0131q ki\u2026 B\u0259s niy\u0259 o m\u0259n\u0259 \u015eair demir, b\u0259s niy\u0259 m\u0259n ona Tacl\u0131\u00acb\u0259\u00acyim de\u00acmir\u0259m? \u2013 biz bel\u0259 dan\u0131\u015fard\u0131q ax\u0131. Yoxsa, yoxsa\u2026
Yad\u0131mdayk\u0259n deyim, \u0130rad\u0259 t\u0259l\u0259b\u0259 g\u0259ncl\u0259r aras\u0131nda ke\u00e7iril\u0259n \u015fah\u00acmat yar\u0131\u015fmas\u0131nda qalib g\u0259lmi\u015f, ba\u015f\u0131na r\u0259mzi \u201ctac\u201d qoymu\u015fdular \u2013 m\u0259nim dilim dinc durmam\u0131\u015f, Tacl\u0131-b\u0259yim demi\u015fdim, o da he\u00e7 borclu qalmam\u0131\u015f, \u0259lind\u0259 tutdu\u011fu, m\u0259nim ona h\u0259sr olunmu\u015f \u201cD\u00fcn\u0259n qald\u0131 d\u00fcn\u0259nd\u0259\u2026\u201d adl\u0131 \u015feirim \u00e7ap olunmu\u015f q\u0259zet\u0259 i\u015far\u0259 ed\u0259r\u0259k, \u201c\u015eair! \u2013 M\u0259nim \u015fa\u00acirim\u201d de\u00acmi\u015fdi. Xo\u015f demi\u015fdi, yax\u015f\u0131 el\u0259mi\u015fdi. Tanr\u0131 xasiyy\u0259timi k\u0259sm\u0259sin, m\u0259nim ona verdiyim ba\u015fqa adlar da var\u00acd\u0131: \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc zabit\u0259li aparanda \u2013 H\u0259rbiyy\u0259, k\u00f6nl\u00fcm\u00fc oxuyanda \u2013 K\u00f6n\u00fclg\u00f6zl\u00fc, q\u0131y\u00ac\u011fac\u0131 ba\u00acxan\u00acda \u2013 \u00dcl\u00ack\u0259rg\u00f6zl\u00fc olurdu Tacl\u0131\u00acb\u0259yim \u0130rad\u0259\u2026
Biz el\u0259 geyinib-ke\u00e7inmi\u015f, el\u0259 qorunma alt\u0131na al\u0131nm\u0131\u015fd\u0131q\u2026 n\u0259inki virus, he\u00e7 n\u0259 bi-rimizd\u0259n o birimiz\u0259 n\u00fcfuz ed\u0259 bilm\u0259zdi. Amma baxmaya-baxmaya baxan g\u00f6zl\u0259r, d\u0259y-m\u0259\u00acy\u0259-d\u0259ym\u0259y\u0259 d\u0259y\u0259n \u0259ll\u0259r\u2026 el\u0259 g\u00fccl\u00fc, qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131al\u0131nmaz rabit\u0259 i\u00e7ind\u0259ydi, el\u0259 duy\u011fuverici, h\u0259y\u0259canvericiydi ki! \u00dcr\u0259kdi bu, \u00dcr\u0259k! O \u00fcr\u0259kd\u0259 b\u0259sl\u0259n\u0259n sevginin a\u00e7mad\u0131\u011f\u0131 qap\u0131, e\u015fqin a\u015fmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 mane\u0259mi var? \u2013 Yoxmu\u015f da, yoxmu\u015f!
Haval\u0131yd\u0131q, havam\u0131z \u00e7atm\u0131rd\u0131\u2026 ya havas\u0131zd\u0131q, hava almal\u0131yd\u0131q\u2026
D\u00fcn\u00acyan\u0131n d\u00fcz vaxt\u00aclar\u0131, m\u00fc\u0259yy\u0259n m\u00fcdd\u0259t ayr\u0131 d\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcy\u00fcm\u00fczd\u0259 \u2013 ikimiz d\u0259 dolub da-\u015fan\u00acda m\u0259n ona \u201cBa\u015f\u0131m a\u011fr\u0131y\u0131r\u201d yazard\u0131m, o da zarafatla \u201ca\u011fr\u0131s\u0131n\u201d yazard\u0131; sonra m\u0259n ars\u0131z-ars\u0131z \u201c\u00e7al\u0131\u015f, \u0259lim\u0259 d\u00fc\u015fm\u0259, n\u0259-f\u0259-si-ni k\u0259-s\u0259-j\u0259m!\u201d ya\u00aczard\u0131m, o is\u0259 \u201cs\u00f6hb\u0259ti tat\u00acl\u0131ya ba\u011flar\u201d, \u201cm\u0259n\u0259 n\u0259f\u0259s ver, n\u0259f\u0259s\u201d yazard\u0131\u2026 Budur, indi m\u0259n a\u011fr\u0131y\u0131rd\u0131m; budur, o, m\u0259n\u0259 n\u0259f\u0259s verirdi \u2013 s\u00f6z\u00fcn h\u0259r m\u0259\u00acna\u00acs\u0131nda! \u0130ndi ondan utan\u0131rd\u0131m, utan\u0131rd\u0131m\u2026 M\u0259n ne\u00acc\u0259s\u0259 g\u00f6\u00acr\u00fcrd\u00fcm, duyurdum, bilirdim \u2013 m\u0259n\u0259 \u201cskafandr\u201d kimi g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u0259n x\u00fcsusi geyim onu islahat\u00acdan sal\u0131b, g\u00f6zl\u0259ri q\u0131zar\u0131b, \u00fcz\u00fc d\u00f6y\u0259n\u0259k olub, g\u00f6y\u0259rib, oynaqlar\u0131 \u0259ld\u0259n d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcb; rejimi po\u00aczulub, ev-e\u015fik \u00fcz\u00fc g\u00f6rm\u00fcr, gah koridordaca yat\u0131r, gah m\u0259nim yata\u011f\u0131m yan\u0131ndak\u0131 stul\u00acda\u00acca m\u00fcr\u00acg\u00fcl\u0259yir\u2026 H\u0259kimli, x\u0259st\u0259li h\u0259r k\u0259s \u0130rad\u0259 deyir, \u0130rad\u0259 e\u015fidirdi.
\u0130rad\u0259nin etdikl\u0259ri bir h\u0259kimin etdik\u00acl\u0259rind\u0259n art\u0131qd\u0131. Bu m\u0259n\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259mi bel\u0259ydi, yox\u00acsa onun \u00fcmumi yana\u015fmas\u0131yd\u0131m\u0131? M\u0259n birinci variant oldu\u011funa inanma\u011fa meyilliydim, ba\u015fqa bir hiss \u201cikinci\u201d deyirdi. El\u0259si d\u0259, bel\u0259si d\u0259 \u0130rad\u0259nin h\u0259kim l\u0259yaq\u0259tinin, insan l\u0259-yaq\u0259tinin ifad\u0259siydi! O ikil\u0259\u015fm\u0259mi\u015fdi, h\u0259r hal\u0131yla \u0130rad\u0259ydi, \u0130rad\u0259ydi \u2013 q\u0131z\u0131l l\u0259yaq\u0259t g\u00f6s\u00act\u0259\u00acr\u0259n \u0130rad\u0259! M\u0259nim Tacl\u0131m! \u00d6p\u00fcr\u0259m \u0259ll\u0259rind\u0259n! \u2013 H\u0259r\u00e7\u0259nd d\u00fcnyan\u0131n d\u00fcz vaxt\u0131 \u0259lind\u0259n he\u00e7 \u00f6p\u00acm\u0259\u00acmi\u015fdim\u2026
G\u00fcnl\u0259r ke\u00e7di, sanki g\u00fcn i\u00e7ind\u0259 g\u00fcnl\u0259r ya\u015fand\u0131\u2026 m\u0259n \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 g\u0259ldim; bir d\u0259 baxd\u0131m, m\u0259n\u0259 t\u0259tbiq olunan intensiv m\u00fcalic\u0259 kursu da, rejim d\u0259 yum\u015fald\u0131l\u0131r v\u0259 budur, art\u0131q \u0130rad\u0259 il\u0259, do\u011f\u00acrudan-do\u011fruya, s\u00f6hb\u0259t edirik. M\u0259ni sevgi sa\u011faltm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. \u2013 M\u0259nim ona b\u0259s-l\u0259\u00acdiyim, onun da m\u0259n\u0259 b\u0259sl\u0259diyin\u0259 inand\u0131\u011f\u0131m sevgi!
O he\u00e7 n\u0259yi m\u0259nim \u00fcz\u00fcm\u0259 \u00e7\u0259kmir, qax\u0131nc qaxm\u0131rd\u0131, el\u0259c\u0259 t\u0259b\u0259ss\u00fcm edirdi, d\u0259rin t\u0259-b\u0259ss\u00fcm\u2026 Yoxsa m\u0259n\u0259 r\u0259hmimi g\u0259lirdi, m\u0259n\u0259 q\u0131ym\u0131rd\u0131m\u0131? Ya t\u0259s\u0259llimi verirdi? Biz \u201ck\u00f6hn\u0259 palan i\u00e7i\u201d t\u00f6km\u00fcrd\u00fck \u2013 sanki amnistiya vermi\u015fdik bir-birimiz\u0259. Kimin amnistiyas\u0131 daha ke\u00e7\u0259rliydi? \u2013 o art\u0131q ayr\u0131 m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259\u2026 Sanki biz h\u0259r \u015feyi dan\u0131\u015f\u0131b-bar\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015fd\u0131q da, daha d\u00fcn\u0259nd\u0259, h\u0259tta bug\u00fcnd\u0259 dayanmadan, birba\u015fa sabahlar\u0131n s\u00f6hb\u0259tini ed\u0259 bi\u00acl\u0259rdik. T\u0259\u00acs\u0259v\u00acv\u00fcr edin, m\u0259nim d\u0259liqanl\u0131 q\u0131sqancl\u0131\u011f\u0131ma ill\u0259r bir yandan, koronavirus bu yandan\u2026 el\u0259 s\u0131\u00ac\u011fal \u00e7\u0259kmi\u015f, el\u0259 ayar vermi\u015fdi\u2026 g\u00f6rm\u0259diyim, izl\u0259m\u0259diyim ill\u0259rd\u0259 \u0130rad\u0259nin aydan ar\u0131, su\u00acdan duru davrand\u0131\u011f\u0131na d\u0259lic\u0259, qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131al\u0131nmaz bir inam i\u00e7ind\u0259ydim! O irad\u0259li \u0130rad\u0259ydi, m\u0259nim \u0130rad\u0259mdi\u2026 \u00dcst\u0259lik, q\u0131z\u0131n ad\u0131 o q\u0259d\u0259r m\u0259niml\u0259 \u00e7\u0131xm\u0131\u015fd\u0131, onun bu g\u00fcn\u0259d\u0259k bar\u00acma\u00ac\u011f\u0131nda \u00fcz\u00fck olmamas\u0131n\u0131n, ail\u0259 qurmamas\u0131n\u0131n \u201cfaktura\u201ds\u0131 el\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 yaz\u0131lmal\u0131yd\u0131\u2026
Yox, b\u0259lk\u0259\u2026 \u2013 \u018fst\u0259\u011ff\u00fcrullah, ba\u015fqa \u015fey fikir\u00acl\u0259\u015f\u00acm\u0259yim, he\u00e7 fikir\u00acl\u0259\u015fm\u0259yim, he\u00e7!
R\u0259hm\u0259tlik atam m\u0259n\u0259 \u201cA bala, h\u0259t\u00fctl\u00fcy\u00fcnd\u0259n \u0259l \u00e7\u0259k\u201d, dey\u0259r, s\u0259birsizliyimi q\u0131nayard\u0131 h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259. M\u0259n yen\u0259 s\u0259birsizlik etdim, y\u0259qin ki; deyilm\u0259li bir s\u00fcr\u00fc \u201cgiri\u015f\u201d s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc s\u0259rf et\u00acm\u0259d\u0259n, son s\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc dedim:
\u2013 \u0130rad\u0259, m\u0259niml\u0259 evl\u0259n! \u2013
Dey\u0259s\u0259n, bir az y\u00f6nd\u0259msiz, \u201cyad ehtiram\u201dla demi\u015fdim\u2026 ancaq s\u00f6z a\u011f\u0131zdan \u00e7\u0131xm\u0131\u015fd\u0131 bir k\u0259r\u0259.
\u0130rad\u0259 \u00fcz\u00fcnd\u0259n da\u015fan t\u0259b\u0259ss\u00fcml\u0259:
\u2013 \u015eair, \u201c\u0259rs\u0259nmi?\u201d \u00e7at\u0131\u015fm\u0131r sanki). \u2013 M\u0259n onun s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fcn sonundak\u0131 \u201csmaylik\u201di \u201cg\u00f6rd\u00fcm\u201d \u2013 za\u00acma\u00acn\u0131nda \u201csmaylik\u201dsiz mesaj\u0131 olmazd\u0131\u2026 \u018fn \u00e7ox v\u0259 qarmaqar\u0131\u015f\u0131q \u201csmaylik\u201di bu c\u00fcml\u0259\u00acl\u0259r\u00acd\u0259n sonra yazm\u0131\u015fd\u0131 bir vaxt:
\u2013 M\u0259n ona bo\u015f mesaj yollard\u0131m,
O m\u0259n\u0259 \u201cCAN\u201d yazard\u0131,
Cans\u0131z telefon ekran\u0131ndak\u0131 \u201cCAN\u201d
Can kimi g\u0259l\u0259rdi can\u0131ma, can\u0131m \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn.
Can\u0131m m\u0259nim\u2026
Cavab\u0131nda, dem\u0259k olar, n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r \u201csmaylik\u201d vard\u0131, ham\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 ard-arda d\u00fczm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fc\u2026
\u0130ndi mesajla\u015fm\u0131rd\u0131q, ona g\u00f6r\u0259 d\u0259 \u201c\u2026\u0259rs\u0259nmi\u201dnin d\u0131rna\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u0259 bilm\u0259dim, \u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fc tur\u00ac\u015fut\u00acdum bir anl\u0131\u011f\u0131na, sonra \u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc a\u015fan t\u0259b\u0259ss\u00fcm\u00fcnd\u0259n \u201ctutub\u201d m\u00fcraci\u0259timi \u201cEv\u00acl\u0259-n+\u0259r\u00acs\u0259nmi?\u201d \u015f\u0259klind\u0259 dem\u0259li oldu\u011fuma i\u015far\u0259 etdiyini ba\u015fa d\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcm, m\u0259n d\u0259 q\u0131m\u0131\u015fd\u0131m\u2026
\u018fl \u00e7\u0259km\u0259dim, o da h\u0259kiman\u0259 davrand\u0131:
\u2013 \u015eair, h\u0259l\u0259 bir qalx, bir d\u0259 x\u0259st\u0259l\u0259nm\u0259, bu x\u0259ta-b\u0259la da \u00f6ts\u00fcn, baxar\u0131q.
C\u00fcml\u0259nin \u201cBaxar\u0131q\u201d hiss\u0259sini dey\u0259rk\u0259n q\u0131y\u011fac\u0131 bax\u0131\u015f\u0131, g\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc nam\u0259lum bir yer\u0259 s\u00fcz\u00acd\u00fcr\u00fcb d\u0259, canalarcas\u0131na q\u0131rpmas\u0131 m\u00fcsib\u0259t g\u00f6z\u0259ldi, g\u00f6z\u0259l m\u00fcsib\u0259tdi!
N\u0259 ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 a\u011fr\u0131d\u0131m, sa\u011fald\u0131m, ev\u0259 burax\u0131ld\u0131m. H\u0259r \u015fey t\u0259z\u0259d\u0259n ba\u015flam\u0131\u015fd\u0131 \u2013 art\u0131q \u201cvotsap\u201d n\u00f6m\u0259r\u0259sini bilirdim, \u0259hvalla\u015f\u0131rd\u0131q, b\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259, onu bezdir\u0259c\u0259k d\u0259r\u0259c\u0259d\u0259 ya\u00acz\u0131r-d\u0131m, o da \u201csmaylik\u201dli, \u201csmaylik\u201dsiz cavablar verirdi. Sanki yenid\u0259n do\u00ac\u011fulmu\u015fdum \u2013 h\u0259m sa\u011flaml\u0131q m\u0259\u00acna\u00acs\u0131nda, h\u0259m sevgi\u2026 H\u0259l\u0259 mediadan koronoavirusla ba\u011fl\u0131 says\u0131z-he-sabs\u0131z informasiya ax\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131, qorxunc m\u0259lumatlar\u0131 izl\u0259dikc\u0259 do\u011fum g\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fc korona\u00acvi-rus\u00acdan sa\u011fald\u0131\u011f\u0131m g\u00fcn\u0259 ke\u00ac\u00e7ir\u00acm\u0259k q\u0259rar\u0131na g\u0259ldim. Dem\u0259, \u0130rad\u0259 m\u0259nim bug\u00fcnl\u0259r\u0259 t\u0259sad\u00fcf ed\u0259n h\u0259qiqi do\u011fum g\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fc yad\u0131nda saxlay\u0131bm\u0131\u015f. Can\u0131m m\u0259nim. At\u0259\u015fli t\u0259brik yaz\u00acm\u0131\u015f, bir d\u0259 \u015f\u0259kil \u0259lav\u0259 etmi\u015fdi \u2013 ill\u0259r \u00f6nc\u0259nin ikimiz\u0259 aid \u015f\u0259kli \u2013 saxlay\u0131rm\u0131\u015f, dem\u0259\u2026
M\u0259n bu t\u0259brikd\u0259n sonra q\u0259ti q\u0259rar verdim: yox e, yox, bu i\u015fin zarafat\u0131, ir\u0259lisi-gerisi yoxdu, onunla evl\u0259n\u0259c\u0259m! Uzun ill\u0259rin x\u0259tir-h\u00f6rm\u0259ti vard\u0131, ill\u0259rin xiff\u0259ti vard\u0131, ax\u00ac\u015fam-s\u0259h\u0259r, a\u00e7\u0131q-gizli g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fl\u0259r ad\u0259ti vard\u0131 aram\u0131zda \u2013 bu \u00f6z yerind\u0259 \u2013 amma g\u00f6r\u00fcn o m\u0259nim \u201ct\u0259\u015f\u0259kk\u00fcr\u201d\u00fcm\u00fc nec\u0259 cavablam\u0131\u015fd\u0131:
\u201cM\u0259n s\u0259ni g\u00f6rm\u0259y\u0259 ad\u0259t etmi\u015f\u0259m,
Ad\u0259t m\u0259h\u0259bb\u0259t deyil!
S\u0259ni g\u00f6rm\u0259y\u0259nd\u0259 xiff\u0259t etmi\u015f\u0259m,
Xiff\u0259t m\u0259h\u0259bb\u0259t deyil!
S\u0259n\u0259 min ehtiram, h\u00f6rm\u0259t etmi\u015f\u0259m,
H\u00f6rm\u0259t m\u0259h\u0259bb\u0259t deyil!
G\u00f6z\u00fcnd\u0259 \u00e7a\u011flayan mehribanl\u0131\u011fa
Heyr\u0259t etmi\u015f\u0259m,
Heyr\u0259t m\u0259h\u0259bb\u0259t deyil!
Yalvar\u0131ram, s\u0259n
M\u0259h\u0259bb\u0259t umma m\u0259nd\u0259n.
Han\u0131 iqtidar\u0131m,
M\u0259h\u0259bb\u0259t tufan\u0131na sin\u0259 g\u0259r\u0259n
G\u0259ncliyimi
S\u0259n\u0259 qurban verm\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn
Geri qaytar\u0131m?! Geri qaytar\u0131m\u2026 \u201d (QAB\u0130L)
M\u0259n bu \u015feiri \u0130rad\u0259nin \u00f6z hissl\u0259rini gizl\u0259tm\u0259 c\u0259hdi sayd\u0131m; bu ismar\u0131\u015f\u0131 \u201ch\u0259r \u015fey m\u0259-h\u0259b\u00acb\u0259tdir\u201d kimi qavrad\u0131m; \u00f6z q\u0259rar\u0131m\u0131 vermi\u015fdim m\u0259n \u2013 ruh t\u0259z\u0259, can t\u0259z\u0259, sevgi k\u00f6hn\u0259-t\u0259z\u0259\u2026 Qalxd\u0131m, getdim \u0130rad\u0259nin \u00e7al\u0131\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131 M\u0259rk\u0259z\u0259. Yen\u0259 yor\u011fundu, yen\u0259 ar\u011f\u0131nd\u0131\u2026 Ye\u00acn\u0259 \u201csakafandr\u201d geymi\u015fdi, \u0259ll\u0259rinin a\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131na uduzan a\u011f \u0259lc\u0259k geymi\u015fdi, \u201cskafandr\u201d\u0131 da \u00fcz-g\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fcn i\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, naz\u0131n\u0131-i\u015fv\u0259sini, g\u00f6z\u0259lliyini tam gizl\u0259d\u0259, qapada bilm\u0259mi\u015fdi. Sa\u00aclam\u00acla\u015fd\u0131q. \u201c\u015eair, indil\u0259rd\u0259 bura g\u0259lm\u0259y\u0259ydin ke\u015fk\u0259; \u00fcz\u00fcm\u0259 s\u00f6z g\u0259l\u0259r, onsuz da ya\u00acz\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u00acr\u0131q\u00acm\u0131?\u201d dedi. Du\u00acruxub \u0259lav\u0259 etdi: \u201cbizi d\u0259 yoxlay\u0131rlar, m\u0259n d\u0259 \u201ctest\u201d vermi\u015f\u0259m\u2026\u201d Bu d\u0259f\u0259 m\u0259n duruxdum \u2013 d\u0259rhal dill\u0259ndi \u2013 \u201cQorxma, pis adama he\u00e7 n\u0259 olmur. Noolsun?.. \u2013 \u018fsas \u201ckritik 4 g\u00fcn\u201d\u00fc ke\u00e7m\u0259kdi\u2026\u201d M\u0259n: \u201cQ\u0131z, pis adam\u0131, yax\u015f\u0131 adam\u0131 y\u0131\u011f\u015fd\u0131r\u201d dedim, ard\u0131nca bir q\u0259d\u0259r q\u0259tiyy\u0259tl\u0259, amma b\u0259m s\u0259sl\u0259 dill\u0259ndim:
\u2013 H\u0259kim, m\u0259n burda s\u0259nin \u0259ll\u0259rind\u0259 \u00f6l\u00fcml\u0259 \u0259ll\u0259\u015f\u0259nd\u0259 s\u0259n\u0259 evl\u0259nm\u0259k t\u0259klif etdim \u2013 \u201ct\u0259klif yox, \u0259mr etdin\u201d \u2013 \u0130rad\u0259 m\u0259nim bu r\u0259smisayaq c\u00fcml\u0259m\u0259 \u00e7evik m\u00fcdaxil\u0259 etdi \u2013 b\u0259li, m\u0259n bu i\u015fi l\u0259ngitm\u0259k, uzatmaq ist\u0259mir\u0259m, onsuz da yet\u0259rinc\u0259 vaxt itirmi\u015fik, bir-birimiz\u0259 \u201cki\u00actab oxuma\u011f\u201da ehtiyac duymuram, de g\u00f6r\u00fcm, nikaha n\u0259 zaman m\u00fcsaids\u0259n?
M\u0259n\u0259 el\u0259 g\u0259ldi, \u0130rad\u0259nin q\u00fcrur selli, sevinc qar\u0131\u015f\u0131ml\u0131 t\u0259b\u0259ss\u00fcm\u00fc \u201cskafandr\u201d\u0131 de\u015fir:
\u2013 \u015eair, d\u0259lis\u0259n, s\u0259n? N\u0259 nikah?
\u2013 \u0130rad\u0259!..
\u2013 \u018ff\u0259ndim?!
\u2013 \u0130rad\u0259, sabahk\u0131 i\u015f qrafikin nec\u0259di? S\u0259n \u00e7\u0131xamm\u0131rsansa, m\u0259n nikah masas\u0131n\u0131 burda qur\u00acdurram.
\u2013 \u015eair, olmaz! Olsa da, yaln\u0131z nikahla olmaz, biz t\u0259r\u0259fl\u0259rd\u0259 \u201ck\u0259bin\u201d \u015f\u0259rtdir, h\u0259tta h\u0259r ikisi olsa bel\u0259, indil\u0259rd\u0259 olmaz \u2013 h\u0259l\u0259 burda he\u00e7 olmaz!
\u2013 \u0130rad\u0259, sabah bu vaxt b\u00fct\u00fcn z\u0259ruri yolda\u015flarla burada olajam, x\u0259b\u0259rin olsun! \u2013 d\u0259li bir q\u0259tiyy\u0259tl\u0259 dill\u0259ndim.
M\u0259n x\u0259st\u0259xanan\u0131 t\u0259rk ed\u0259rk\u0259n giri\u015fd\u0259 toplanm\u0131\u015f h\u0259kiml\u0259rin d\u0259h\u015f\u0259tli s\u00f6hb\u0259tini e\u015fitdim:
\u2013 \u0130rad\u0259nin \u201ctest\u201di pozitiv \u00e7\u0131x\u0131b.
Aman Tanr\u0131m! Sanki m\u0259n ne\u00e7\u0259 g\u00fcn \u00f6nc\u0259ki hals\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131ma d\u00f6nd\u00fcm bird\u0259n-bir\u0259, hal\u0131m hal deyildi, deyildi! He\u00e7 \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn koronavirusa yoluxdu\u011fumu bil\u0259nd\u0259 bel\u0259 haldan-hala d\u00fc\u015f\u00acm\u0259mi\u015fdim; do\u011frudur, a\u011fr\u0131y\u0131rd\u0131m, rahats\u0131zd\u0131m, ancaq \u0130rad\u0259 \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn bir ba\u015fqa c\u00fcr pozul\u00acdum. \u00dcr\u0259\u00acyimd\u0259n qovma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir hiss m\u0259n\u0259 t\u0259la\u015f p\u0131\u00e7\u0131lday\u0131rd\u0131.
O gec\u0259ni s\u0259h\u0259r\u0259d\u0259k ilan vuran yatd\u0131, m\u0259n yatmad\u0131m. \u0130ndi dem\u0259k asand\u0131, b\u0259lk\u0259, amma n\u0259 gizl\u0259dim, a\u011f\u0131r, \u00e7ox a\u011f\u0131r bir q\u0259rar ald\u0131m: s\u00f6z\u00fcm s\u00f6zd\u00fcr, geri dura bilm\u0259r\u0259m! Niy\u0259 a\u011f\u0131r? \u2013 m\u0259n ata-anan\u0131n t\u0259k \u00f6vlad\u0131yam; bir d\u0259f\u0259 x\u0259tam olub, ikinci x\u0259taya ixtiyar\u0131m yoxdu, ya\u015f da o ya\u015f deyildi zat\u0259n. Bel\u0259 \u015f\u0259rtl\u0259r i\u00e7ind\u0259, \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn q\u0259n\u015f\u0259rind\u0259ki bir q\u0131zla k\u0259bin k\u0259s\u00acdirib nikaha girm\u0259k intihara b\u0259rab\u0259r bir \u015feydi! V\u0259 biz sabah and i\u00e7m\u0259liydik:
\u2013 X\u0259st\u0259likd\u0259 v\u0259 sa\u011fl\u0131qda,
Pis g\u00fcnd\u0259 v\u0259 yax\u015f\u0131 g\u00fcnd\u0259,
Yoxsulluqda v\u0259 bolluqda,
\u00d6l\u00fcm bizi ay\u0131ranad\u0259k!.. \u2013
M\u0259n son c\u00fcml\u0259ni d\u0259yi\u015fdir\u0259c\u0259kdim v\u0259 biz bel\u0259 dey\u0259c\u0259kdik:
\u2013 \u00d6l\u00fcm bizi ay\u0131rd\u0131qdan sonra da!..
X\u00fclas\u0259, v\u0259d\u0259 tamam\u0131nda beynimd\u0259 min bir sual, \u201ckomandam\u201dla \u0130rad\u0259nin qap\u0131s\u0131 a\u011fz\u0131n\u00acdayd\u0131m. \u0130rad\u0259 bir az s\u00fcsl\u00fc-m\u00fcsl\u00fcyd\u00fcm\u00fc, ya m\u0259n\u0259mi bel\u0259 g\u0259lirdi? \u0130rad\u0259 bir az haz\u0131rl\u0131ql\u0131 ki\u00acmiydi, yoxsa bu nizam orda qabaqlar da vard\u0131m\u0131? \u0130rad\u0259nin i\u015f yol\u00acda\u015flar\u0131 t\u0259sad\u00fcf\u0259nmi bir yer\u0259 c\u0259m olmu\u015fdu, ya \u201cnikah t\u00f6r\u0259ni\u201dn\u0259mi y\u0131\u011f\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015fd\u0131lar?
Bizi g\u00f6r\u0259r-g\u00f6rm\u0259z dill\u0259ndi:
\u2013 Yol\u00e7u! \u2013 O bu d\u0259f\u0259 \u201c\u015eair\u201d, \u201c\u018ff\u0259ndim\u201d\u2026 demirdi, ad\u0131mla m\u00fcraci\u0259t edirdi, bu, bir d\u0259\u00acyi\u00ac\u015fik\u00aclikdi.
M\u0259n:
\u2013 Buyurun, xan\u0131m\u0259f\u0259ndi, \u2013 dedim.
\u0130kimiz d\u0259 susduq bir anl\u0131q.
M\u0259niml\u0259 Sa\u011flaml\u0131q M\u0259rk\u0259zin\u0259 ged\u0259n nikah m\u00fcv\u0259kkili, ruhani v\u0259 \u015fahidl\u0259rimd\u0259n xahi\u015f et\u00acdiyim kimi, prosedur o q\u0259d\u0259r s\u00fcr\u0259tli getdi, bir d\u0259 baxd\u0131q, \u0259lc\u0259kli \u0259ll\u0259rimiz tutu\u015fub\u2026
O dedi: Ra-z\u0131-yam; m\u0259n dedim: B\u0259li, raz\u0131yam! Nikah m\u00fcv\u0259kkili dedi: Sizi bu g\u00fcnd\u0259n \u0259r-arvad elan edir\u0259m. Biz bax\u0131\u015fd\u0131q, anid\u0259n g\u00f6zl\u0259rimizi \u00e7\u0259kdik, sonra yen\u0259 bax\u0131\u015fd\u0131q\u2026 Ya\u00acn\u0131\u00acm\u0131zdak\u0131lar: Xo\u015f\u00acb\u0259xt olun! \u2013 dedi. \u00d6p\u00fc\u015fm\u0259dik. \u0130kimiz d\u0259 a\u011fz\u0131 maskal\u0131yd\u0131q. M\u0259n onun a\u011f \u00ac\u0259lc\u0259kli a\u011f \u0259lini ir\u0259li \u00e7\u0259kib barma\u011f\u0131na \u00fcz\u00fck taxd\u0131m. O: \u201cNeyn\u0259k, bir halda ki s\u0259n de\u00acdiyini el\u0259din, o zaman q\u00fcsura baxma, m\u0259n s\u0259nin \u00fcz\u00fcy\u00fcn\u00fc sa\u00acbah verr\u0259m, in\u015fallah \u2013 bir d\u0259 g\u0259l\u00acm\u0259li olassan, \u2013 dedi. \u2013 Bir az sozalm\u0131\u015f olsa da, i\u015fv\u0259 ye\u00acrin\u00acd\u0259ydi, naz ye\u00acrind\u0259ydi.
Sabah yen\u0259 ordayd\u0131m, \u00fcz\u00fck \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn deyil, \u0259lb\u0259tt\u0259; art\u0131q ordak\u0131 yaln\u0131z sevgili deyildi, m\u0259nim k\u0259binlim, r\u0259smi nikahl\u0131md\u0131. M\u0259n orda ol\u00acma\u00acl\u0131yd\u0131m \u2013 niy\u0259siz, nec\u0259siz\u2026 \u0130\u00e7\u0259ri bu\u00acrax\u00acmasalar da, bay\u0131r-bucaqda bir yer bulub g\u00f6zl\u0259rdim.
\u0130rad\u0259m reanimasiyadayd\u0131. M\u0259n bir z\u00fclml\u0259 ke\u00e7dim reanimasiyaya \u2013 nec\u0259 ke\u00e7dim, bir Allah bilir, siz he\u00e7 soru\u015fmay\u0131n. D\u00fcn\u0259n nikahdan sonra \u00f6z\u00fc il\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 h\u0259qiq\u0259ti bilib, d\u00fcnyas\u0131 tar-mar olub \u2013 ikiqat g\u0259rginlik i\u00e7ind\u0259 oldu\u011fu a\u00e7\u0131qca hiss edilirdi.
\u0130rad\u0259 d\u00f6rd yerd\u0259n \u0259l gir\u0259si \u201cqol\u00accu\u00ac\u011f\u201du olan \u201c\u015f\u0259ffaf tabut\u201d kimi bir qoruyucunun i\u00e7in-d\u0259ydi, \u0259limi uzatd\u0131m, \u0259lini tutdum. \u201cD\u0259li, g\u0259ldinmi?\u201d \u2013 dedi \u0130rad\u0259. Taq\u0259tsiz qolunu birt\u0259\u00ach\u0259r t\u0259rp\u0259tdiyini hiss etdim, \u0259lc\u0259kli \u0259li yuxar\u0131 qalxd\u0131, barma\u011f\u0131nda m\u0259n taxan \u00fcz\u00fck, ov\u00accunda m\u0259n\u0259 al\u0131nan \u00fcz\u00fck\u2026
Reanimasiyan\u0131n qap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 i\u00e7\u0259rid\u0259n ba\u011flam\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. D\u00f6y\u00fcl\u00fcrd\u00fc qap\u0131\u2026 D\u00f6y\u00fcls\u00fcn!..
\u0130rad\u0259:
\u2013 S\u0259n bilirdin?
\u2013 Bilirdim \u2013 dedim.
\u2013 Niy\u0259 bel\u0259 edirs\u0259n? Niy\u0259 z\u00fclm edirs\u0259n m\u0259n\u0259?
\u2013 Q\u0131z, s\u0259n n\u0259 deyirs\u0259n?
\u2013 M\u0259n \u00f6l\u00fcr\u0259m, adam, ba\u015fa d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrs\u0259n, \u00f6-l\u00fc-r\u0259m!
\u2013 S\u0259n\u2026 s\u0259n \u00f6l\u0259 bilm\u0259zs\u0259n!..
\u2013 Yol\u00e7u, m\u0259n\u0259 s\u00f6z ver, gedib g\u00fcn\u00fc bu g\u00fcn nikah\u0131 pozduracaqsan. Yax\u015f\u0131m\u0131?!
\u2013 \u0130rad\u0259, bu d\u00fcnyasa bu d\u00fcnya, o d\u00fcnyasa o d\u00fcnya! Burda qism\u0259t olmazsa, olmas\u0131n, o d\u00fcnyada v\u00fcsala yet\u0259rik! Bil\u0259s\u0259n ki, \u0259lim s\u0259nd\u0259n ba\u015fqas\u0131n\u0131n \u0259lini tan\u0131mayacaq, g\u00f6z\u00fcm bir ba\u015fqa g\u00f6z g\u00f6rm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259k! \u2013 Bu s\u00f6zl\u0259ri \u00fcr\u0259yimd\u0259n ke\u00e7irdim\u2026 amma dem\u0259dim, dey\u0259 bil\u00acm\u0259\u00acdim; el\u0259c\u0259, \u201c\u0259g\u0259r m\u0259ni sa\u011falda bildins\u0259, \u00f6z\u00fcn d\u0259 sa\u011falacaqsan, u\u015faql\u0131q el\u0259m\u0259\u201d de\u00acdim. Yar\u0131zarafat, yar\u0131\u00acger\u00e7\u0259k s\u00f6zl\u0259r\u0259 y\u00fckl\u0259dim duy\u011fular\u0131m\u0131: \u201cM\u0259ni kimin\u00e7\u00fcn sa\u011falt\u00acm\u0131\u00acsan? M\u0259\u00acni bel\u0259 qoyub he\u00e7 hara ged\u0259 bilm\u0259zs\u0259n!\u201d
O is\u0259 bir az ba\u015fqa c\u00fcr cavab verdi, sanki m\u0259nd\u0259n e\u015fitm\u0259k ist\u0259yib d\u0259, e\u015fitm\u0259diyi suala cavab verirdi:
\u2013 M\u0259n h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 s\u0259nin omu\u015fam, Yol\u00e7u, h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 \u2013 x\u0259b\u0259rin olmay\u0131b\u2026
O g\u00fcn ondan e\u015fitdiyim son s\u00f6z \u201cS\u0259ni \u00e7ox sevirdim, b\u0259, D\u0259li!\u201d oldu\u2026 \u0130lahi, \u201cD\u0259li\u201d bu q\u0259\u00acd\u0259rmi t\u0259sirli, buncam\u0131 \u015firin s\u00f6zm\u00fc\u015f?
Onun e\u015fitdiyi son s\u00f6z: \u201cM\u0259ni bu d\u00fcnyada g\u00f6zl\u0259mis\u0259n, o d\u00fcnyada da g\u00f6zl\u0259!\u201d olmal\u0131yd\u0131, olmad\u0131, \u0259v\u0259zind\u0259, s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 d\u00fcz\u0259li\u015f etdim: \u201csevirdim yox, sevirs\u0259n, b\u0259 a\u011f\u0131ll\u0131\u201d. \u2013 Q\u0131m\u0131\u015fd\u0131, sanki daha n\u0259s\u0259 dem\u0259k ist\u0259di, dem\u0259di, ya da dey\u0259 bilm\u0259di.
Sonra qap\u0131n\u0131n a\u011fz\u0131nda al\u0259m qar\u0131\u015fd\u0131; dey\u0259s\u0259n, \u201cehtiyat a\u00e7ar\u201d\u0131 g\u0259tirdil\u0259r, \u015faraqqa\u015faraq a\u00e7d\u0131lar qap\u0131n\u0131, ke\u00e7dil\u0259r i\u00e7\u0259ri. Biz iki d\u0259lini\u2026 yox, bir d\u0259li, bir a\u011f\u0131ll\u0131n\u0131 \u0259l-\u0259l\u0259 tutu\u015fmu\u015f g\u00f6r\u00acd\u00fcl\u0259r\u2026 N\u0259s\u0259 dedil\u0259r, deyindil\u0259r, n\u0259s\u0259 vurnuxdular, vurdular. M\u0259n nec\u0259s\u0259 \u0130rad\u0259nin \u0259li\u00acnin \u0259lim\u00acd\u0259n qopdu\u011funu g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. M\u0259n nec\u0259s\u0259 otaqdan \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131m. M\u0259n, m\u0259n, m\u0259n \u2013 Tanr\u0131 m\u0259ni versin deyim, verm\u0259sin? deyim? \u2013 al\u0259mi qat\u0131b-qat\u0131\u015fd\u0131rm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. Ba\u015f h\u0259kim, onun m\u00fc\u00aca\u00acvin\u00acl\u0259ri, n\u00f6vb\u0259t\u00e7i, \u015f\u0259fq\u0259t bac\u0131s\u0131, qap\u0131 b\u0259l\u0259d\u00e7isi\u2026 \u2013 ham\u0131 bir-birini g\u00fcnahland\u0131r\u0131rd\u0131: bunu kim burax\u0131b bura? \u2013 M\u0259ni he\u00e7 kim burax\u00acmam\u0131\u015fd\u0131, ruh kimi ke\u00e7mi\u015fdim i\u00e7\u0259ri\u2026
Ax\u015fam TV-d\u0259 g\u00fcn\u00fcn korona c\u0259dv\u0259li verilirdi: 36 n\u0259f\u0259r virusa yoluxub, 64 n\u0259f\u0259r sa\u011fal\u0131b, 1 n\u0259f\u0259r v\u0259fat edib. O 1 n\u0259f\u0259r kimdi, \u0130lahi, kim? Yoxsa?!.
Bilgisayar\u0131 a\u00e7d\u0131m. \u201cFeysbuk\u201dda \u0130rad\u0259nin r\u0259fiq\u0259l\u0259ri \u015f\u0259kill\u0259r payla\u015fm\u0131\u015fd\u0131 \u2013 d\u00fcn\u0259nki \u0259ziz g\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fczd\u0259n \u2013 \u201cr\u0259y\u201dl\u0259r, \u201cb\u0259y\u0259ni\u201dl\u0259r, \u201c\u00fcr\u0259k\u201dl\u0259r, \u201cyan\u0131ndayam\u201dlar a\u015f\u0131b-da\u015f\u0131rd\u0131\u2026
Sosial \u015f\u0259b\u0259k\u0259nin ba\u015fqa bir \u0130rad\u0259si d\u0259 t\u0259brik edilirdi bug\u00fcn: \u0130rad\u0259 Yol\u00e7u q\u0131z\u0131 Q\u0259dirli\u2026 \u2013 Anas\u0131 \u015f\u0259kill\u0259rini payla\u015fm\u0131\u015fd\u0131 Ay par\u00e7as\u0131n\u0131n \u2013 anas\u0131ndan \u00e7ox ada\u015f\u0131na ox\u015fay\u0131r\u00acd\u0131\u2026 \u0130rad\u0259\u00acl\u0259rin he\u00e7 birin\u0259 t\u0259brik yazmad\u0131m m\u0259n \u0259li qurumam\u0131\u015f, yazmad\u0131m\u2026
Bir g\u00fcn sonra x\u0259b\u0259r portallar\u0131nda \u201cKoronavirusla m\u00fcbariz\u0259 t\u0259dbirl\u0259ri \u00e7\u0259r\u00e7iv\u0259sind\u0259 f\u0259\u00acda\u00ackar xidm\u0259t g\u00f6st\u0259rmi\u015f h\u0259kiml\u0259rin t\u0259ltif olunmas\u0131 haqq\u0131nda S\u0259r\u0259ncam yay\u0131ld\u0131. S\u0259r\u0259n\u00accam\u00acda onun da ad\u0131 vard\u0131: \u201c\u0130rad\u0259 T\u0259briz q\u0131z\u0131 Qiyam\u0259tdinli \u201cQ\u0131z\u0131l l\u0259yaq\u0259t\u201d medal\u0131 il\u0259 t\u0259ltif edilir\u201d. \u2013 Ad\u0131n\u0131n qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda m\u00f6t\u0259riz\u0259 a\u00e7\u0131lm\u0131\u015fd\u0131: \u201c\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcnd\u0259n sonra\u2026\u201d
BAKI, 2020<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

H\u0259r \u015fey o q\u0259d\u0259r g\u00f6zl\u0259nilm\u0259z, o q\u0259d\u0259r s\u00fcr\u0259tli v\u0259 qarmaqar\u0131\u015f\u0131q ba\u015f vermi\u015fdi ki \u2013 indi \u2013\u00fcst\u00fcnd\u0259n xeyli ke\u00e7\u0259nd\u0259n sonra da g\u0259rginliyi can\u0131mdan \u00e7\u0131xmay\u0131b; olanlar\u0131 ba\u015fdan-aya\u00ac\u011fa xat\u0131rlama\u011fa \u00e7\u0259tinlik \u00e7\u0259kir\u0259m.\u015eeytan\u0131n baca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u0131nd\u0131r\u0131b \u2013 uzun ill\u0259rin h\u0259sr\u0259tin\u0259 son ver\u0259r\u0259k, T\u0259briz\u0259 yollanm\u0131\u015f-d\u0131m. Q\u0259rib\u0259 hissl\u0259r ke\u00e7irirdim, n\u0259 gizl\u0259dim. Deyirdim, T\u0259briz ruhumu dir\u00e7\u0259ld\u0259c\u0259k; de-yirdim, Araz\u0131n bu tay\u0131na d\u00f6nd\u00fckd\u0259n sonra d\u00fcnyam d\u0259yi\u015f\u0259c\u0259k, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-37760","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-edeb"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37760","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=37760"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37760\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":37772,"href":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37760\/revisions\/37772"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=37760"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=37760"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/edebiyyat-az.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=37760"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}